Rapist Hipster Glasses!

my first night back in New York Shitty, and before i even have time to unpack, change clothes, or scream at the taxi cabs “heyyyy! i’m walkin’ here!” i get invited to a house party in williamsburg, brooklyn. my reputation precedes me!

many of you know that williamsburg is basically where hipsters go to die, and you would be correct. it’s like a breeding ground for nihilistic but stylish pretentious hosers who love their pabst blue ribbon, ironic ugly sweaters, and dub-step remixes of Foster The People.

I FELT RIGHT AT HOME.

my british husband (even though he doesn’t know it yet) Pete tweeted me last night, “Williamsburg: easily my favourite place ever. Like never-never land, but with fewer grown ups and more sailor tats.” Again, harsh but oh-so accurate.

But I think my favourite hipster attribute has to be the rapist glasses.

of course, i would never dream of saying that to a hipsters face. but i would, instead, rip those suckers right offa them and try them on myself.

ME! A SEXUAL PREDATOR! ME!!!!!

Exhibit A was taken off of a guy who looked like he had eczema and a problem with prema-ejac. i made a judgement call.

Exhibit B was taken off of the MOST DAPPER HIPSTER EVER whom i’ll introduce you to in a sec. Black, squarish rims with a dash of disdain for popular masculinity.

Exhibit C is probably the best example of Rapist glasses, but I couldn’t get a good angle on them, ’cause this pleasant but all-together smashed dude from Belarus kept clinging to me. Aw. Bless.

Exhibit D for Damn that shit’s nasty as fuck

Exhibit E are just basic reading glasses but I took them off a white guy with JewFro and freckles whom I bet just lovvvves Led Zepplin and reading Aldous Huxley.

That’s my friend Jared on the left. He’s the one who invited me to the party. Interesting story on how we met. Basically, when I was in Brooklyn this past Spring, I made a Couchsurfing request at this girl Miranda’s house. She said yes, but later had to decline because her plans changed and she couldn’t host me anymore. Months later, I get a Facebook message from Jared. He tells me that he lives in Miranda’s house, that he was there when she got my Couchsurfing request and saw my message, and thought that I seemed wicked cool (the man has taste). Anyway, he was bummed when I couldn’t stay there, so he messaged me, ‘Let’s be friends!” and I was all, “Done.” Then when I decided to return to Brooklyn for December, I messaged him and said, “Let’s hang!” and he was all, “Done.”

Instant friends!

Thank you webernet.

That’s Ryan, he’s a concert photographer for Spin Magazine…. As you do. Blame Williamsburg!

Here is the Most Dapper Hipster Ever I mentioned above. Dude is killing me with awesome! The glasses, the horizontal striped tie, the sweet body forming suit. You shoulda seen his shoes. Ironic wing tips with FIRE ENGINE RED SHOE LACES.

and let’s not forget the huge ass bottle of whiskey he’s chugging all to his self.

Okay, I promised you New York graffiti and street art, and that is what I shall photograph next. SWEARSIES.

Off to go find some!! Enjoy the day, guys, they’re now getting longer, so there’s more sunlight to illuminate the hipsters upon your path.

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