if you’re the chosen one, how does it feel to be loved by no one?
canadian election time. i think the winner should be determined by robot wars.
when you make the decision to go to a cattle calls open call, you are accepting the fact that you will be treated poorly, wait outside in the bitter cold, and basically be reduced to a number in the herd. but i still saw a few friendly faces i knew from around the theatre scene, and out of the hundreds that turned up, i was lucky number 50 to be seen. was done my audition by 11:08am. i’m proud of what i did, hit all my notes and gave ‘em a go.
i sang this song because it has a punk rock message….and also because it’s what i secretly wanted to say to the auditioners for being twats. as i sang the chorus, i pretended i was mocking the lady behind the table. that felt good.
not holding my breath for a call-back. but hey, i had a giggle and a good time.
my bus to NYC leaves at 6:15am tomorrow.
here goes something.
>if you’re the chosen one, how does it feel to be loved by no one?
>
canadian election time. i think the winner should be determined by robot wars.
when you make the decision to go to a cattle calls open call, you are accepting the fact that you will be treated poorly, wait outside in the bitter cold, and basically be reduced to a number in the herd. but i still saw a few friendly faces i knew from around the theatre scene, and out of the hundreds that turned up, i was lucky number 50 to be seen. was done my audition by 11:08am. i’m proud of what i did, hit all my notes and gave ‘em a go.
i sang this song because it has a punk rock message….and also because it’s what i secretly wanted to say to the auditioners for being twats. as i sang the chorus, i pretended i was mocking the lady behind the table. that felt good.
not holding my breath for a call-back. but hey, i had a giggle and a good time.
my bus to NYC leaves at 6:15am tomorrow.
here goes something.
>tits out, pants down, overnight to london
>
i’m back, munchkins.
incredible experience.
and i legally can’t talk about it until it airs at some yet-to-be-determined date in the future (probably a few months). so don’t ask.
until that day dawns, i’ll just say that this was a great way to start off the new year, i’ve met some incredible people, had a truly emotional experience, learned so much about myself, and somehow came out shit-kicking on the other end. i hope to keep up the momentum this experience has built in my life, to dove-tail off whatever it brings, and to continue to live life like there’s a riot in my heart.
i’ve only been back for a few hours though, and people keep asking me about money. did you earn? did you win?
again, i can’t talk about that either. but that also seemed to be a recurrent theme of this experience.
so i’ll just say this:
money does not determine what you’re worth as a person. money only provides you with expensive enough clothes to cover up the fact that you’re in love with a lie.
and that’s probably the biggest lesson this project has taught me.
unless i’m needed for anything related to this show for the next few months until it airs, i think i’m going to disappear again for a while. eastern europe and then australia. i’ll let you know which part of the world pulls me in….
okay, i’ve been traveling for over 24 hours and my luggage is still hanging out in paris somewhere. more updates later.
p.s. I’M TANNED. YOU WILL BE JEALOUS.
p.p.s. happy valentines day bitches!
>ok, last quickie update, i swear…
>i just got a phone call from the people at Big Brother.
they wanted me to come in for a secret audition for the show to go on this summer. the guy on the phone really seemed adamant that i audition. but i’ll be filming this other show when the audition was scheduled for. so i can’t.
now i’m wondering….and second guessing….which show would i prefer to be on?
the one i’m one = progressive social experiment.
big brother = massive fame.
the one i’m one = being able to maintain my sense of self
big brother= ridiculous media attention, speculation, audience-approval, invasion of privacy, constantly in front of cameras 24/7 for 3 months, not being able to take a dump without it going out on the AP wire
the one i’m on= adhering to my feminist and social-revolutionary ideas
big brother=money money money money
fuck.
i know i made the right choice.
but still.
oh well, big brother will be on for years to come. i’ll do it another time. NEXT!
—
oh i forgot to mention: yesterday was the one year anniversary since i moved to london. all the canadian girls who came to london with me on this programme have since thrown in the towel and gone back home. i’ve fucking survived it, and am still ready for more.
yay me.
—
okay, for reals ya’ll.
i’m out of here, i swear.
love youuuuuuuuuuu
>quickie update
>
you wouldn’t believe all the things i’ve had to get done in this short period of time!
-signed contract after contract after contract, filled out countless forms
-endless talks and meetings with producers
-been fitted for certain costumes and outfits
-had a police background check done
-filled out psych tests and been interviewed by a psychologist
-been advised on the possible negative outcomes in relation to the media from appearing on a reality tv show
-provided references after references
-provided letters from previous employers confirming they know me
-informed my current boss who took the new quite jovially & will hold my position for me until i get back
-provided documentation proving i am who i say i am
-gotten immunized for a shitload of diseases (hepatitis A, typhoid, etc)
-started taking malaria pills
-paid my rent all in advance
-gone shopping for some exotic clothes to wear on the shoot
-haven’t even begun to pack
maybe it’s best that i was cast last…that i haven’t had much time to ruminate on what i’m about to undertake. i haven’t had the time to get excited or nervous. my plate is too full.
this will probably be my last blog update for a while. for 3 weeks to be exact. expect me back in the UK sometime around Feb.13th.
if you get restless for more chrissy, there’s always my archives, i guess….
anyway, they’re putting me up in a hotel near the airport the night before we fly out. a hotel room all to myself….and i need a good, healthy, boink-fest…any volunteers?
xxxxxxxxxx
ciao
>untitled
>
i just had a meeting with the producers.
i got cast in the tv show.
i fly out to film on location in about a week.
i’ll be gone for 3 weeks.
no email, no phone calls, no facebook…and no blogging.
i’m nervous.
and the one person i wanted to share my excitment with the most… didn’t care. at all. no tv show can mend my heart.
thanks for all the love and support throughout the years guys. i love you all so much. a million kisses.
see ya.
>sweetheart, bitterheart, now i can’t tell you apart; cosy and cold, put the horse before the cart
>
remember last month when i mentioned a tv network here in london was interested in casting me in one of their shows…
i thought i didn’t get it because i didn’t hear back from them. oh well. i did my best. life goes on. NEXT!
got a phone call from them yesterday afternoon.
their executive producers wanted to meet with me.
rushed to their studios after work . . . this time the interview wasn’t filmed, all very relaxed, just a chat about the show and a bit more about myself . . .
so here’s the deal – the producers and the production company love me . . . but the final say goes to the big-wig top execs at the major tv network that will air the show. and their criteria for choosing the cast depends, quite frankly, on their mood at any given moment. they may not want to choose me for several reasons – because i’m canadian and they want an all-british cast . . . because i may have a look/appearance/features/ethnic-origin similar to someone else they’re casting in the show and they don’t want to double-up . . . or simply because they don’t like me.
the meeting was really positive and the producers have all expressed a desire to work with me. they say i’m one of the strongest candidates they’ve seen, and they think i would stand out and really have an impact on the show. they’ll make a case for me to the network and assured me that even if the network decides not to go with me, they still produce many other shows and will definitely keep me in mind for other projects. they’ve all been so great and warm, and this has been a fun experience:)
i can’t divulge what the nature of the show is or even what network it will be airing on. i have signed a confidentiality agreement. they even have to do a police background check on me and i have to be assessed by their psychologist! fun!
i’m supposed to find out in about 1-2 weeks what the network has come back with. so once i know, you’ll know…
but if i do get it: filming takes place on the other side of the planet, and i’ll hafta disappear for about a month. no phone, no internet, probably have to quit my new job.
i love the idea of disappearing.
i want to be your ghost.
keep your fingers crossed for me.
