"Blogging isn't journalism, it's graffiti with punctuation."

>episode 6 roundup, when women rule the world

>in 19th century France, workers who felt their livelihoods threatened by automation flung their wooden shoes called ‘sabots’ into the machines to stop them.

hence the term SABOTAGE.

this is gonna be a long entry munchkins, so put the kettle on.

first things first, click here to download episode 6 of When Women Rule The World. this free download is accessible to anyone in the world.

(download instructions are easy but PLEASE FOLLOW EACH STEP EXACTLY AS I’VE LAID OUT or it won’t work…click on the episode link. it will take you to a page that asks you to fill in a 3-letter code at the top of the page, then click on download. after about a 45-second countdown, click on ‘free download’ and a prompt will ask you to either ‘open’ or ‘save’ the file. click on ‘save’ so the file will always be on your computer, then the download begins. it will take a little over an hour to download the file. once downloaded, you will require a media player à la Windows Media Player/RealPlayer/VLC Media player to view the episodes. i recommend VLC, it’s the best. if you’re media player is out of date, it won’t function. also i’ve noticed that those watching it on Windows Media Player get an odd green letter scroll at the top of the video, while on VLC there’s none, which is why i recommend watching it on VLC…)

if you’re looking for the downloads for episodes 1-5, please scroll down into my previous entries. the downloads are there and are clearly marked.

as of this writing, the channel 4 free catch-up website is down, so in the meantime, click here to visit the official WWRTW website with their overview of last night’s episode.

EDIT!! – the free catch-up website is back up, click here to view all the previous episodes. episode 6 is labelled as “thursday 9 october,” you hafta live in the UK/Ireland to view the episodes.

if you missed episode 6 last night, and you live in the UK/Ireland, it will be repeated this sunday the 12th at 2:15pm on channel 4 and then next wednesday the 18th at 11pm on E4

okay, onto my impressions of episode 6

it was fucking brilliant. end of story. i only wish all episodes could have been like that. it was thigh-slapping funny, it was tense, it was dramatic, it was emotional, it was meaning-potent and fire-infused.

back in April of this year, when the show was still being edited and pieced together, peter, the executive producer of the show, called me while in the studio to let me know that the scene where i lead the boys out into the village and inflict the punishment on them was jaw-dropping. he said it like a scene out of a movie, loaded with all the qualities of an intense drama. everyone in the studio that i spoke to were so excited and just kept repeating how ‘fucking amazing’ i am.

can’t argue with that.

now is not the time for modesty, dammit!

yesterday, before the episode aired, peter called to say that out of all the reality tv shows he’s worked on, and there have been many in his career, that one scene is his all-time favourite hands down.

yesterday, i also spoke with karen before the episode aired and during the commercial breaks. karen came out as unbelieveably strong in last night’s episode, she was forthright, she was reasonable and rational and held up to the scrutiny that was lashed upon her with a bravery i have yet to achieve. she is absolutely stunning, beautiful heart and soul, and so far every viewer i’ve spoken to can’t get enough of her. let’s hear it for karen!!

i also exchanged messages with richard (“you’re a miserable bitch as queen. BRILLIANT!”), with fenton (“my mum hates you.”), and spoke with lesley after the episode.

there’s so much to go through here, so i’ve divided it into sub-sections and headings.

NERD-ALERT!

things that were edited out and didn’t make the final cut
-the episode begins with the men and women working out on the beach to karen’s instructions. actually, what hasn’t been revealed in any episodes is that all the women had titles and jobs to carry out, and karen was in charge of physical fitness. every morning the women worked out with karen on the beach, it was just that day we forced the men to come with us.

-my queen’s challenge speech was heavily edited down, mostly because it was too fucking long! but i remember lots of things i said that you didn’t hear. i started off by saying that i learned so much from each of the previous 3 queens. gemma brought order to chaos, lianne was a strict disciplinarian, and angela reminded us that good things happen when you close your mouth long enough to crack a smile. the final point of my speech i think was the most important but also didn’t make it. i started off by saying that some of the mistresses wouldn’t want to hear this, but they’ve got to. i mentioned that a lot of the boys had been overly flirting with us, thinking that if they can manipulate our emotions and make us think that they fancy us, they’ll be able to sway the vote to their favour, for their own financial and personal gain. and i topped off that bit by loudly proclaiming, “i am NOT here to find a boyfriend!”

-the other thing about this queen’s challenge was….i almost didn’t do it. i came *this* close to withdrawing and just letting lesley take the crown. the day before, i had told lesley that i was going to also challenge the queen. for some reason or another, she still was telling people “tomorrow when i’m queen….tomorrrow when i’m queen” even though she knew she was up against me. that lead me to believe that she felt she had all the votes in her favour. so that night, i told the production team that it was all a popularity vote and i probably wouldn’t win it because people are just voting for their friends. but that morning, the series producer nicole took me aside and said that winning wasn’t what was important here. she said that i had all these things that needed to be said, and the queen’s challenge was the place to say them. even if i didn’t win, it was about getting things off my chest. so i thought, fuck it…no guts, no glory. and i shit you not, i thought i had no shot whatsoever in that challenge. i thought gemma would vote for lesley, desrine would vote for me, and karen would be the wild card. so when gemma voted for me, i nearly shat myself. that one action in itself later proved to be a point of contention between lesley and gemma…after the vote lesley ran out to have a quiet smoke by herself and gemma cried her eyes out in the queen’s pod. gemma kept calling me a moody cow and everyone suddenly started saying all this stuff to me like i contradict myself and i’m too emotional. it was probably the most unglorious victory i’ve ever had. like i should feel guilty for being queen or something. my one good moment here was ruined by all the bickering again. sigh.

– with each new queen, there has been a man-servant swap. they edited out this one, i’m guessing for time and because audiences don’t care about that anymore. but i chose myles and fenton as my servants because i’d never had them as servants before and i encouraged all the other ladies to choose servants they’d never had before.

-as i mentioned before, us ladies each had titles and responsibilites. lesley, under my rule, was in charge of entertainment, and since she was such a worthy competitor for me, and the poor girl needed a break, i told her that she could organize a talent show featuring the boys. she spent all day working on it, choreographing it with the boys, setting up a little catwalk for them to strut down in their best frocks (ed looked like he was dressed for tennis, oddly enough) and then they all danced together in sync like a boyband, but they sang a spice girls song! it was hilarious and such a laugh! in the opening credits of the show, you get a flash of the boys dancing, and us on my porch laughing and screaming like hyenas in response. oh how i wish that had made it to air! because i enjoyed the show so much, i treated the boys and girls to beers that night.

-while lesley was off preparing for the talent show that day, we also had a massive spa day! we set up these recliners on the beach, and our servants came in and gave us massages, filed and painted our nails, gave us facials, the works…the point of this exercise was actually quite sly. there’s an old adage that when women talk, men don’t listen. so while they boys are pampering us, we’re going on about things in our lives, just scattered details about ourselves. we were later to use this against the boys when we interrogated them (wait for a future episode) when we ask them if they remember any of those details about us…none of them got any questions right. so yeah, men don’t listen. anyway, a few shots of the spa treatment day have snuck into the final edit. in this week’s episode, while myles is talking about his shag-fest with angela, there’s a shot of myles painting red nail polish on a set of toes…those were my toes. nice, eh?

-during Ed’s punishment, i walked up to him twice at the basin to speak to him. the first time i brought him a bottle of water, told him to breath, drink, relax for a second, then i asked him if he had anything to say. he said no, refusing to fess up. so i walked away and let him continue. the second time was after i told the boys to get out of my sight, ed asked to speak to me alone. he said the reason why he didn’t want to grass on the saboteur was because he entered the game with a promise that he would stick to his morals and ethics, and that he had to be true to them. so i told him that i applauded his morals and ethics, but what was concealed would soon be revealed and he might regret the choices he had made.

-of course, the biggest cut left on the editing room floor….the unuseable footage of myles and angela getting it on. there was some footage. some cameras caught them rolling around in the sand on the beach. and also, there were cameras mounted in each of our pods. from what i understand, there was footage of myles covering up the camera in the pod with his shirt (when exec producer peter found out the camera was covered, he was absolutely furious!) but the microphones in the pod were still fucntioning so it may not have been seen but it was heard….angela and myles were lucky, they really could have been exploited here….that night, i had every intention of sleeping in my queen’s pod, but there were just way too many bugs and it freaked the fuck outta me. so i slept in lianne’s empty pod that night and every night thereafter. when i woke up that morning, i returned to my pod to find it in shambles. sand everywhere, even on the couch. lamps and chairs overturned, sheets on the bed assunder. it was a mess..

-another great moment left out of the episode occurs right after i gave fenton the kiss of death. that’s steve’s cue to give a little speech about how fenton is no longer wanted, but fenton just launched into an attack on us right away, which annoyed him to no end, prompting steve to interrupt fenton with the glorious words “hey fenton, mind if i have a little airtime?”

-the morning of that sacrifice, there was another challenge for the boys that didn’t make the cut. they were to wake up super early and head to a specific coconut tree in the forest. they had to stand under this tree for as long as it took until they caught a coconut, any coconut, that fell from the branches. what they didn’t know, was that each coconut contained diamond jewellery inside, some valuing at £15,000. the only boy who caught a coconut was mikey, oddly enough. and before the sacrifice began, mikey took the £3,000 diamond necklace from within the coconut and gave it to desrine. if you look carefully, at the very beginning of steve’s initial sacrifice speech, there’s a woven basket next to him, which contained the winning coconut,

-this is one thing that wasn’t on camera but oh how i wish it was: i lead the boys out into the village, and right before i explained to them what the punishment was, angelo our director called cut so that they could set up the cameras for the shot. while they were doing that, mikey tried staring me down. he had done that to the other girls, which you see in this episode, and actually thought it would work on me. i held his stare for quite some time, but ended it when i sneered, “mikey, don’t try and stare me down sweetheart, you’ll be up way past your bedtime!”

-at the queen’s temple, when all the ladies had said who they wanted to vote for that night, i adjusted my crown and recited some shakespeare. the whole situation reminded me of the merchant of venice, so i lifted my chin and said “prick us do we not bleed, tickle us do we not laugh, wrong us, shall we not revenge?” hahah! how many reality tv stars can do that?

how i felt

-punishing ed was the hardest thing i had done by that point. ed’s very first water run was a disaster, all the water had leaked out of the perforated cup before he could even reach the basin, and had all dribbled onto his swimming trunks. i remember feeling at that exact moment a massive pang of empathy. i remember wincing and wanting to stop the whole thing. after angelo the director called cut, i retreated back into my pod. when angelo came to talk to me, he asked me if i was okay, and i nearly started crying….yes, i cry a lot, just shut up okay! i was just so upset that the boys let him take the fall. they actually didn’t give two shits about each other, and let ed suffer. it was cruel. really fucking cruel

-kissing mikey almost made me gag. when i pulled away from his cheek, for a split second he looked down at my chest (he never changed from the first episode) and then gave out a little “wooooo.” it made my skin crawl. i’d rather have cat aids than kiss him again.

-fenton and the sand…he actually put sand in his pocket ahead of time. that is probably the most undignified exit i’ve ever witnessed. he threw sand like a child in a tantrum, then ran stumbling off into the night, almost tripping on his face, and dropping his microphone pack in the process. he’s a walking joke!

-i’m really glad that in this episode, the boys don’t get the last say. in the past, after a boy is sacrificed, he gets to end the show by giving his opinion on women in power. this time, mikey and fenton were DE-NIED! i got the last word, and it felt fucking glorious. embarassments to their gender, all the way.

-also, usually after a queen is elected, the boys give their opinions on how much she’ll suck and how much they hate her and what they really think of her…not this time. the guys had nothing bad to say about me….then again, nothing good either…no one said anything about me being queen. so to this day, i guess i’ll never know what the boys felt when they found out i was queen…

-that fight between g and karen…it was hard to witness first hand, let alone on television. looking back on it, i wished i’d stopped it sooner and told G to shut his fucking mouth after the first insult. G resorted to the kind of playground tactics seen only amongst 8 year olds. you don’t like someone, tell them they’re ugly. because of the pressure from dominant culture and patriarchy that is put upon women to look beautiful at all times, a weird side effect is this – call us dumb, call us mean, call us slags, we don’t care. call us ugly, and we fall to pieces. so when he called her a ‘beast’ it was just the most horrible and snake-like thing he could have possibly said to her. i shuddered. i literally felt sick. that night G came and sat with me on my porch and we had a long chat about what happened. he already was feeling guilty about it and wanted me to know that he wasn’t like that. he felt like he had never had a shot in this competition and had just fucked himself royally by doing that. the thing about G is, while the cameras are on, he puts up a major front. off camera, he’s the biggest sweety on the planet. i think it’s a persona of being a rapper. he wants the music community to see him a certain way, so he feels the need to be all gruff and coarse. but off camera, he’ll dissolve into giggles and crack jokes and give big bear hugs. so i hated him for following his persona rather than his real self. and i think in later episodes, you’ll see him finally reconciling the two sides of him.

-i loved telling myles to sit down. myles, sit down. myles, get back here! HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH!

-steve’s running aquaduct joke. everyone else kept saying ‘water thingy!’ except me of course.

-and the sex jokes! that sequence where it’s revealed that myles and angela got it on….steve jones’s face is fucking brilliant! he’s my all time hero…”just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?!!” and “WHAAAAAT?!” and “SSSSEEEEXXXX!!!” and “that’s disgraceful, that is….” and “oh…my….god…” that is perhaps the funniest fucking thing i’ve seen on the show yet. that sequence had me rolling on the floor!! yay steve jones! but let’s not forget G-range and his saucy little smile as he says, “you know what i mean by slidin’ off”…hahahhahahahah!

-as i’m initially questioning myles about his ‘sabotage’ comment on the aquaduct, i go “ffff..someone told me…”i almost said fenton told me! ha!

-as i enter the boy’s barracks and tell them a punishment is about to take place, i use the word ‘chutzpah.’ why was i talking yiddish in my speech?????? this no time to go all fiddler on the roof, chris!

-what i’m most proud of in this episode, is that i was the only queen who followed through a punishment. other queen’s said they would but never did. i stuck to it and made a big fucking difference.

my best soundbites
-“fenton’s got his head so far up my ass, he could probably see what i had for dinner last week.”

-“is the view pretty good from the cheap seats boys?” (fyi, i stole that line from a michael douglas movie. see if you can guess which one. i think you’ll be surprised.)

-“i notice you’re holding your hands over your crotch. are you anticipating where my foot is gonna go?”

surprises
– no one had anything bad to say about me, i’m not the subject of farce or satire. thank fuck for that. i was expecting mikey to say such shit about me like he did the other queens.

if i never hear the words sabotage or aquaduct again in my life, i’ll be a happy lass…

phewww! that’s a lot of typing munchins, even for a writer….but there was so much to talk about, i couldn’t stop myself….hope you enjoyed (and ignored the spelling mistakes, i’m typing pretty fast here)

stay tuned next week when the reign of queen christine reaches new heights and fights.

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