"Blogging isn't journalism, it's graffiti with punctuation."

Whistler Day 5

sooo behind on the blogging front, my days are just consumed, who knew the west coast was so busy? it’s supposed to be all ganja and dreadlocks and hemp-clothes made in cambodia and stoner guitar music and save the whales maaaaaaan. instead it’s all TOO THE EXTREME GO GO GO WHILE HAVING A BLENZ COFFEEEEEEEEEE.
anyhoo, my last offical day in Whistler, i decided to go biking down the Whistler mountain. again, like my peak-to-peak ticket of the day before, my mountain bike park ticket was free because i had the air miles reward miles points. normally the mountain bike park ticket is over $100. THANK YOU FREE SHIT I NEVER THOUGHT I’D USE.
the mountain. exciting? yes. petrifying? also yes
dudes coming down the end the of the trail. that would be me in 45 minutes
the line up to take the lift
seriously, single ladies, you wanna hook up with a hot guy, go to whistler and mountain bike. IT’S A SAUSAGE FEST and all the men are fine physical specimens seething with raw testosterone. in this photo, i quite fancied the guy in the centre with the cyan-blue tee. like an aussie version of ryan gosling, but more attractive. actually, the entire whistler village is populated by aussies, kiwis, or brits. and anyone who knows me, knows that those 3 nationalities are not only my preference, but my weak spot. i’ll take a ginger kiwi over a rubbish canuck anyday. in addition, there are so few girls who brave the moutain, so when you wipe out (and you will), all the boys rush to your aid. SEX IN THE FOREST FTW!
my bike is on the bikes-only-lift directly ahead, and i’m in the people-lift behind it (taking the photo duh)
me in all my gear at the top of the mountain. i rented the bike and the body gear (arms, legs, and full-face helmet)
and off i went. so here’s the layout of the mountain. the super extreme hardcore trails where there’s nothing but obstacles and stones and jumps and wooden things are labeled the “black” trails. the intermediate trails with smaller obstacles and jumps are labeled “blue,” and the beginner trails are labeled “green.” since i’m an avid cyclist and use the trails in toronto all the time, i figured i’d be well up for the blue trails, but since this was my first downhill biking experience, i decided to first try the green trails, see how i feel, and then move up the ladder if i felt confident.
beginner trails my ass!!
the only requirements for doing the green trails is having ridden a bike before. well i ride my bike all the time and i was struggling. the downhill slope is pretty steep, which i don’t normally mind, but my rented bike didn’t have very tight brakes, so you had to really squeeze down just for some control (death grip hands!). but it’s not a gradual brake either, you press down and you immediately stop. so if you’re not careful, you can launch yourself right over the handlebars.
that was just the first problem
second problem was all the zigzagging “S” paths. i call them S because as you went downhill, the paths were shaped like S after S after S. so you’re constantly turning really fast, and i guess i can’t turn that fast. i can’t count how many time i nearly flew right over the curve and down a cliff to my death or into massive tree trunks.
anyhoo, my first wipeout occurred about 20 minutes into it, when i was beginning to feel super confident and went a bit faster. i was standing on the pedals (you’re not supposed to sit while mountain biking, that’s just cheating, and you have less control over the bike), i hit a curve super fast, all the huge stones and gravel underneath shifted, and my left side hit the gravel with a resonating smack, dragging me down the path, grating cheese along my side.
i literally was down for the count for a good 2-3 minutes. i felt the impact all the way into my ribcage, lungs and heart, and they were ricocheting the big bang through my torso over and over again. thank god i had the helmet, arm/leg armour, otherwise the damage could have been a helluva lot worse, but i didn’t get shoulder armour or toros armour, so those parts were really damaged. i immediately knew my leg was wounded, but it was only when i reached the bottom of the mountain that i noticed my shoulder took a beating too.
luckily no one came down that trail while i was down in the middle of it, otherwise another collision could’ve easily happened.
after i caught my breath and my brain stopped screaming with shock, i got back on the bike and continued on.
after that, i had a few spills, all of which ended up with me landing on my feet, thank the universe. but the bike usually ended up on its side.
as time went on, i found myself losing confidence more and more, with my fear of another fall taking over. and once you get nervous and anticipate the worst, wouldn’t you know it, the worst happens.
only about 5 minutes before i finished, i wiped out again, on a relatively easy turn. it’s just that the rocks on this trail were huge fucking stones, i braked too quickly, and my body crashed on the rocks. the impact of this one went all into my head, which the helmet took the brunt of. as of right now, i don’t have any bruises on my head, but there is a tender spot on my forehead that is swollen a bit. i shall live to see another day.
and 45 minutes later, this was me back at the bottom. my body armour all scratched and bashed to shit, my hair a fucking mess, my body ripped apart and swollen, and my limbs shaking uncontrollably.
my helmet and my bike park ticket
i nearly wiped out just coming down this end bit…PA.THE.TIC.
all the hot hot biker dudes (minus that wedgie-digger) just hanging at the bottom of the mountain.
picture of my shoulder directly after the first wipeout
then 12 hours later…
24 hours later…

scratches on my upper thigh from the gravel bike path as i hit the deck. it now feels like grated cheese
swollen thigh! seriously, in real life, this thigh looks like elephantitus.
seriously, my body looks like its being reflected on the back of a spoon
bruise on the opposite thigh. yellow-mottled greenish purple!

as of right now, my entire left side, from my shoulder through my obliques down to my thigh hurts. and i’m sore in my TRICEPS of all places. who gets sore in their triceps? unless you’re doing tricep kickbacks or chair dips! i was mountain biking for fucks sake.
look at how swolen that fucking thing is. i’ve got bull-limbs.

bruises? no. badges of honour? HELLS YES.
so that was my last day in whistler. i walked back to the hostel, a nice hour long walk along the alta lake, made my dinner, packed up my shit, said goodbye to all the mates i made in the dorms, and the next day (aka yesterday) hopped on the greyhound back to vancouver, where i am now.
yesterday was essentially a travel day and catch-up-on-shit day, so after sleeping all the way back into van.city (and getting a free ride on the city bus because the driver fancied me), i checked into my hostel, did my laundry, did some groceries, blogged, ate, slept, did fuck all. so no photos for Vancouver Day 5. tomorrow’s post will be Vancouver Day 6 (aka today)
never a dull moment at Casa Estima.
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One response

  1. Pingback: platinum’s on the rise, playboys in disguise, and i’m just tryin’ to find a mountain i can climb «

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