i’ve got love for you if you were born in the 80s
and i just look at the man sitting across from me, and then to the boy with the stretched earlobe piercings flopping down to his shoulders, and wanted to stab myself with a fork.
“ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn…” is i think what came out of my mouth. i was rendered absolutely speechless.
i couldn’t exactly say, “i’m with this man, sorry,” because we were just meeting for an innocent cuppa and i didn’t know if he’d freak out if i used him as an excuse (although he did tell me later that i could’ve said that, dammit). and the kid just wouldn’t stop trying to chat me up right in front of my coffee-partner! AWKWARD.
i took the kids number in an effort to get rid of him and to shut him up, nonetheless he wanted to stay and talk ignoring that i was clearly with someone else.
i guess that’s what i get for shooting my mouth off loud enough for people to hear.
anyhoo, the man in question and i moved cafes to another joint, and talked for about 3 hours. then he invited me to his one-man show over the weekend. it was actually more of a cabaret style performance. great showtunes and songs, piano music, stories and anecdotes about love, french pastries and wine, art on the walls, it was really something.
and his personal stories….they were funny, they were poignant….i got a little emotional.
during intermission, his old school teacher, who was sitting next to me, hovers over me and asks in a sing-songy voice, “are you his girlfriend?!”
i think i replied something along the lines of “ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn….”
Merchants of Green Coffee, F’Coffee, The Mascot, Crafted by Te Aro, Te Aro Roasted, Rooster Coffee House, Red Rocket Coffee (on Queen East), and Moonbeam.
Cafe 260, Ground Level Cafe, Bisogno Cafe, Crema Coffee, Red Rocket Coffee (on Wellesley), and Linuxcaffe.
so i was a bit worried at first that the 20-person-table i reserved at the Gladstone wouldn’t be filled because everyone kept bailing on me at the last minute (one of my friends actually messaged me to say he couldn’t make it because he had to “go to the gym.” people are such tools). but slowly the place started to fill with all of my lovely mates and we ended up having such a great time…until….
…..i’ve mentioned in a previous post how there was this guy, this really ugly-sex guy that i made out with at sofi’s party a couple weeks ago, and how i’d probably have to start avoiding his calls, and texts. boy have i ever. not only has the dude been incessantly leaving me voicemails, or texting me, but he’s also been leaving me so many FB messages.
“hey sexy how are you?”
“hey what’s going on gorgeous?”
“have i told you how beautiful you are yet today?”
barf. i mean, these types of messages would be welcome if they weren’t from someone who looked like if you told him to go fuck himself, he’d give it a shot.
dude is terrifying.
and you would think that after all of his messages that i’ve been ignoring, he’d read between the lines and TAKE A HINT but no.
if the situation were reversed, and i kept texting and calling and FB messaging some guy with no response, i’d be labeled a “needy, desperate chick.” but when a guy does it, he’s just “assertive.’
plus, it’s not like i can be at all flattered by his attention, seeing as how i’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been sending the exact same messages to other girls that he fancies. dude got out of a relationship recently, is obviously hurting, and now wants to be a man-whore with whoever he can find. but he probably shouldn’t be doing it with people who KNOW his ex-girlfriend.
so during the course of my boozy-brunch, when i’m having such a great time with my friends, and catching up, and being all squealy (i’m a squealer), guess who AMBUSHES it.
sofi and patrick!
the look on my face clearly was one of shock and utter horror. WHO DOES THAT? who shows up, unannounced and clearly uninvited to someone’s birthday for the sole purpose of ambushing them. oh you won’t answer my desperate messages? guess i’ll go ruin your birthday!
and seeing as how we have some mutual friends (they’re MY friends, and his acquaintances-not-really), and they don’t know that he aggressively tried it on with me, they all starred at me when he arrived, wondering what the fuck he was doing there. and clearly when my look of oh-fuck-now-i-have-a-situation-on-my-hands burned across my cheeks, they probably knew something was up, and i will now hafta field some uncomfy questions.
i was angry, i was mortified, but mostly i wanted to clobber him. if i had done that to a boy who was ignoring my texts, i’d be seen as a crazy psycho stalker.
so when most of my friends had left, he pulled me aside and asked “why are you ignoring meeeeeeeeee?” wah wah wah, i’ll call the waaaaaaaaaaaambulance, dude.
do you really think you’re irresistable, you twat.
so in my most gentle voice that i usually reserve for 4-year-olds, i told him that getting it on with some bloke who used to date a girl i know isn’t for me. again, i assumed that by telling him this, he could read between the lines that I’M NOT INTERESTED. you are a douchey imbecile of the lowest order and you behave like a wife-beater.
instead, a few hours later after leaving, he sends me this FB message:
It was great to see you today. That dress looks exquisite on you, and makes your skin look delicious.
Thanks for filling me in, I must say I was disappointed I never heard from you. I was really excited to see you.
Anyway shhhhh…. discretion is the key:) I think your super sexy, wicked smart, and I like your style girl.
All the best babe.
we bring up all the food we ate!
that’s the crazy stalker ugmo ambusher. blurred for his anonymity and to protect his privacy. grossssss.
so i wrote back angrily and said that i’m glad we cleared things up, BUT MY BIRTHDAY WAS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO DO IT, you ruined my day.
and i don’t drink. ever. anyone who knows me, knows that i don’t touch alcohol. it’s just not my thing. but keith bought me a shot. so i downed it.
and now i wanna watch Lance et Compte.
anyhoo, watch the Funkytown trailer here:
i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. now i’m definitely headed to NYC at the end of March.
This entry was posted on February 28, 2011 by Christine Estima. It was filed under birthday, dating, film, indie coffee passport, jon stewart, love, men, review, stalker, the daily show, valentine, viral .
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