"Blogging isn't journalism, it's graffiti with punctuation."

Justin Bieber and I are doing the nasty

i stupidly tweeted this on saturday night.

which resulted in this guy (the one with over 21,000,000 followers) retweeting me.


(click to enlarge)

….and because of this, it resulted in me being bombarded by those fucking Beliebers. I could not keep up with the thousands of Belieber tweets, RTs, favourites, and follows being directed my way PER SECOND, that STILL hasn’t properly let up yet. Now my twitter feed stinks of the most horrifying thing in the world — puberty. I wouldn’t wish this kind of attention on any other 31 year old woman.  He’s a 16 year old boy! What the fuck does he know about anything, other than X-box and masturbation? So why do SO MANY Beliebers treat him like a religious experience? He looks like a moderately powerful pokemon. He’s only famous because he repeated the word BABY more than any other human being in a 3 minute period…. like an autistic child in a maternity ward. That’s not musical talent, that’s a mental illness.

AND his voice sounds like a fox fucking a bagpipe.

Those Beliebers are TERRIFYING! They look like the sort of people you’d find in a Maury Povich holding pen. I betcha if Justin told them to go fuck themselves, they’d give it a shot.

Now from what the Beliebers tell me, there are millions of girls who would kill to get an RT from Justin…. like I should be grateful that I was noticed by a boy who was a ZYGOTE when i was in junior high. If that’s true, then millions of girls need to aspire to greater things in life.

Look Justin, fanks for the RT and all, but you have cursed me with the burden of your crazy hormonal tween fans who would kick the face off a badger to get your attention …  and by extension, now my attention.

I will never buy your music, nor will I go to one of your concerts. The only thing that would ruin a Justin Bieber concert would be if my gun jammed.


4 responses

  1. Reading all your tweets following the RT made my day. This blog… is beautiful.

    “He looks like a moderately powerful pokemon.” You are my internet hero, Christine.

    May 16, 2012 at 12:20 PM

  2. FDLMM

    His PR peeps are covering all the right “demographics”.

    On a side note, dang! I thought I had anger “issues”…

    May 16, 2012 at 12:56 PM

  3. John

    aww… so mean Christine.. 😦 Funny but mean, he didn’t mean to fuck up your day. Having said that I can’t imagine the headache you must have had … baby baby baby..

    P.S, thanks for making me laugh at least once a day.

    May 16, 2012 at 5:49 PM

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