"Blogging isn't journalism, it's graffiti with punctuation."

the daily show

#SamanthaBee can say ‘feckless cunt’ all she wants: my latest essay in @NYDailyNews

So, funny story.

I was tweeting, as I am wont to do.

An editor at the New York Daily News saw it, and asked me if I’d like to write an op-ed.

So I banged out an essay in 27 minutes.

I’m published online and in today’s print edition so IF YOU LIVE IN NYC, can you head to a newsstand, grab a copy and help a sistah out? I’ll reimburse you if you mail it to meeeeeeee.

Seeing as how all of my UK/EU friends cannot read the essay online because of the new GDPR regulations, I have screencapped the whole thing here. Enjoy!

 

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Stop driving

Huron Street prefers cyclists.

this reminds me of all the amazing Stop sign art that i found in Brooklyn over the winter holidays.

speaking of brooklyn …. guess which gal is going back to NYC for more graffiti hunting at the end of June?

DIS GAL!

i’m there for two weeks, AND i’ve snagged myself tickets to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon! (Last year i went to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart). i’ll  be staying in Queens, house-sitting for one of my girls while she’s off to a writing retreat, but apart from a few quick jaunts to Manhattan, I will be spending most of my time in BROOKLYN! cannot wait for all the amazing street art and graffiti i get to find!

this is literally the best part of my year, when i get to fuck off to Bushwick and disappear for hours down back alleyways and behind dumpsters looking for that which is ephemeral.

some girls buy stiletto shoes on fifth avenue….. and some girls buy second-hand Chucks for $3 and hang around abandoned buildings.

you know…. whatevs.

see you soon, new york!


happy weekend from the sexiest men on television!

Giggitty.


new york city loves to mess around with the LA sound, the LA sound…

in NYC for almost a week and i haven’t blogged! this just won’t do, no no no.
customs were jerks, i slept the entire bus ride, arriving in a new place and hating the journey or barely registering it in your brain is typical with greyhound . passing through upstate new york is basically passing one giant junkyard.  as the new jersey turnpike came into view, i broke open the champagne bottle between my ears.
settling in astoria with Amber, i started immediately doing research on street culture, graffiti artists areas, and things i had to do in NYC that were un-tourist-y (seeing as how i’ve been here 3 times before and have done all that empire-rockefeller-times square-radio city-ellis island-wtc-5th ave-macys-brooklyn bridge bullshit) that gave me a sense of the subcultures, vibes, and shadows that only the locals know about. i could blend right in, disappear, become a ghost.
found out through so much digging that the following night pop-culture-icon Sasha Grey was having a book launch in Soho.
i jumped on that quicker than a bread truck hauling bodies
if you don’t know about Sasha Grey, she became a porn star at the age of 18, immediately became notorious in her first film for asking her scene partner to punch her in the stomach while he was going to town on her….then she did an interview on Tyra Banks which brought her into the mainstream consciousness. After years in the adult world, and doing lots of fashion spreads for Vice Magazine and interviews in hipster mags, Steven Soderbergh cast her in his 2009 film The Girlfriend Experience, which received mixed reviews veering mostly on the positive. Now she has a book out, fronts a band, and is trynna make it in mainstream films.
i haven’t decided how i feel about sasha grey. i will concede that she does occupy a place in the collective conscious, and has tapped into something that seems to hold people’s attention, mine included. but i’m not completely sold that what she does is “performance art.” she’s provocative and different and an incredibly saavy business woman, but i refuse at this junction to put her on the same level as Annie Sprinkle or Chris Burden.  she’s definitely multidisciplinary and draws attention to the work she does in a cerebral and thought-provoking way.
but reading some of the sections in her book Neu Sex, i was actually quite disappointed with the quality of writing and the themes and motifs therein. she’s not a particularly unique writer. in fact, it was quite derivative. she quotes a lot of great philosophers in her writing, so at least we know who she’s thinking with, but she doesn’t seem to engage the intellect of the reader in a way that portrays her opinion on different veins of thought in question.
to be brief, her book sucks . . .
 . . .   and then swallows…
..and then takes it up the ass.
she’s definitely a beaut. and dressed rather demurely. i ALMOST forgot that i’ve seen inside her lady bits.
aw. bless.
see the dude with the ‘fro? that’s Questlove from The Roots!!
Sasha (the picture of dorian)Grey has admirers in high places.
but let’s remember that i’m not in NYC to schmooze with the celebs and star fuckers, i’m here to do research for my novel.
time to beat the street.
originally my research told me to check out places like Chelsea and the East Village and Alphabet City and St Marks Place….but these areas, after much inspection, really were only great for street art in the 70, 80s and 90s and kinda lost their pulse on the street culture nation after people like Basquiat and Keith Haring died.
that’s not to say, as you can see from my pictures here, that there isn’t still remnants of those great days left behind in the areas. they’re just cleverly hidden.
the core of street culture in NYC has moved to Brooklyn, and each year moves further and further inland. so off to Bushwick i went to strike out for deep water.
i was specifically looking for this piece because in my research i had read that it had just gone up on this wall a few days before and was garnering a lot of buzz online. this piece is called Helping Hand and the artist’s name is No Touching Ground.
apparently No Touching Ground actually has that memo notepad tattoo’d on his wrist, and just fills it in with Things To Do in pen. so when he decided to turn his wrist into street art, he decided that reminding himself and others to donate to the Japan quake relief effort was something not to forget. art + philanthropy= win.
you can read all about the backstory and creation of this piece here.
walking around Bushwick, you come across some of the most innovative and beautiful murals one never finds in a 4-walled gallery.
yesterday was a total coup for me because i managed to score an impromptu interview with Jake Dobkin, co-founder of Gothamist and head honcho behind Streetsy.com, one of the best street art and culture websites out there. he was totally cool and chatted with me for an hour about his thoughts on the scene here and answered all of my questions and comments with such thoughtful and insightful responses. getting the backstory on the scene is invaluable info for my book, so it’s not like going to directly quote him or anything, but i will deffo give him a mega-fanks in my book when it’s published. jake dobkin, aka super awesome.
shit guy. totes. HI MUM!
street art is….what? what is it? TELL ME!!
I think i originally saw this piece online, generating some buzz, so when i found it, i got a bit giddy. fuck me if i remember who did it or what it symbolizes. i just think it’s fucking righteous.
aw. pookie.
this dude was skateboarding by as i was taking the shot, and i think he ducked down so he wouldn’t obstruct my view, but i actually wanted him in the frame and timed it perfectly, methinks. FANKS GUY.
the street art piece in the background is by Roa 
ha!
it’s actually called Bogart street, as you can see below, but some clever git bent the sign back so it reads as ART street….and really, that is way more apropos.
i spent a few hours in the Bushwick area at Swallow Cafe which seemed to be populated exclusively by street artists, purveyors, carpenters, people working in mixed disciplines, and hot hot hot hot men in chuck taylors.

i’ll be back to that cafe, fo’shizzle.

the actual area is called WYCKOFF but someone put an A over the Y.
shock me shock me shock me with that deeeeeviant behaviour.
call me crazy, but i look at this, and i see either a replica or an homage to Keith Haring’s work….am i right?
welcome to ChrisTopia. Population: dis gal.

yes yes, ya’ll. i reserved my ticket to the show a month ago, and STILL hadda wait outside in the fricken cold to get in cuz even with a reservation, entry was first-come first-serve basis and i was in the middle-to-back of the line. i eventually got in the studio, but many who reserved were left out in the cold. GET A BIGGER STUDIO, JON! (ps love you)
this is what it says over the door when you enter the building.
they were playing The Kooks on the speakers as i entered the studio. first the warm up guy Paul comes out and chats up the audience, gets us a bit giggly and stupid. when another person in the audience told him they were from Toronto, i screamed “yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” and Paul focuses on me and goes “well you’re much prettier than the last guy.” (true story) So Paul asks my name and what i do. when i tell him i’m a writer, and he asks what kind, i say “I just finished my first book” and the audience gave me a rousing ovation.

awww shucks.

so Paul asks what the title is.

having been in the audience for many a show where comedians rip audience members a new rectum, i said “errr, i don’t wanna tell you!”

cue audience laughter. others shouted “don’t tell him!” and here’s paul insisting “oh no, i wont’ make fun of it, i swear.”

yeah fucking right! so i said, “err…it’s called War and Peace, mkay?”

He got the hint. sorry paul.

so then Jon comes out and we all cheer like groupies. i’ve seen jon stewart live before, about 5 or 6 years ago he did a standup gig at Massey Hall, but for some reason, my memory of that event is rather hazy.
so jon asks if we have any questions for him, a kinda informal Q & A session, and my hand immediately shoots up. he calls upon me with a “yes madame!” yay, first person to ask a question=most memorable surely.
so i ask, “i was wondering if either you or Norm Macdonald (guest on show) have an opinion on the current heart-palpitating (sarcasm) Canadian election?”
and jon says with all the sardonic bite classic to his humour, “who DOESN’T have an opinion, there are too many opinions really…” audience laughs. “yeah your government collapsed, didn’t it” and this girl in the aud from vancouver says the government was “a sham!” to which jon goes “now now, we don’t want canadians fighting here! you do that often enough on the ice. your hockey games are brutal.”
a few more questions from the audience and the show starts. during the first two segments, it was kinda hard from where i was sitting to see jon as the cameras blocked much of his view, but i still could definitely see him.  Jon Oliver’s segment about “oilfrica” in libya made jon piss his pants with laughter when the cameras weren’t on him. during the commercial breaks, two guys with headsets kept talking to jon and saying what didn’t look like too important stuff to occupy his thoughts. i’ve been the audience for other talk shows before, and the hosts there liked to talk to the audience during commercial breaks…not jon. sadness:(

anyway, norm macdonald comes out as the guest (i had perfect view, cameras had shifted position) and jon uses my question from the Q & A earlier to talk to Canuck Norm about our election and our government! i felt pretty chuffed about that. i DIRECTLY AFFECTED The Daily Show. all hail me.

so if you missed the episode, you can watch it in full in canada here or in the usa here.

PAY ATTENTION when watching cuz you can totally hear my laughter standing out in the audience. especially if you know how i laugh, you’ll undoubtably hear me. also when norm comes out and canada is mentioned, you can hear me squeal-shout a bit.

my laugh is kinda stupid-redonkulous and hard to miss.

hahaha, even when in another country, i’m STILL winning like a fiend at Roll Up The Rim.
i saw this car in brooklyn yesterday and had a braingasm. The Big Bang Theory car that sheldon would approve of, surely.
it’s been hard this past week being in NYC as well. the last two times i was here, it was to visit someone that i have decided i should no longer contact. no bad words have been exchanged between us. in fact, the last time we chatted, it was rather pleasant. i just think any contact now would be somewhat inappropriate.
problem is, i’m trynna make new memories in NYC and it’s hard when i pass by Union Square or the cinema at 19th & Broadway, or go for a run along the Hudson river….even going into Bushwick was a bit of a mind-fuck. i didn’t think i felt this strongly about a person that i really didn’t have that much in common with.
in fact, i’m not even sure i liked this person that much. but refraining from contacting them by my own choice whilst here has been kind of painful. there are ghosts all over the city, and it’s made me rather sad when i stop to think about it.
one good thing about here to work and to write is that i’ve gotten a free 2 week membership at Paragraph, which is the NYC writers centre. I got it for free because i’m a member of the Toronto Writers Centre and they have a reciprocal agreement. the other night after The Daily Show, I was writing at the centre until about 1am. then i was gonna hop on the subway back to astoria….instead i walked up broadway for about 20 blocks in the middle of the night.
in the rain.
listening to misanthropic tunes.
i just  needed to walk and to think….
i still have another week loaded with subcultural adventures to be had.

all i hafta say is, when trying to understand the nature of a city’s stone, don’t stick to the comfortable thin skins of bus tours, museums, and flashy lights. bite down into the meaty layers underneath. become a local. see what isn’t seen from the safety of guidebooks.

no i will not visit the Magnolia bakery or Zabars.

fuck that.

enough blogging, the day is still sunny and adolescent-esque. and the city is awaiting this young canadian lass….


>new york city loves to mess around with the LA sound, the LA sound…

>

in NYC for almost a week and i haven’t blogged! this just won’t do, no no no.

customs were jerks, i slept the entire bus ride, arriving in a new place and hating the journey or barely registering it in your brain is typical with greyhound . passing through upstate new york is basically passing one giant junkyard.  as the new jersey turnpike came into view, i broke open the champagne bottle between my ears.
settling in astoria with Amber, i started immediately doing research on street culture, graffiti artists areas, and things i had to do in NYC that were un-tourist-y (seeing as how i’ve been here 3 times before and have done all that empire-rockefeller-times square-radio city-ellis island-wtc-5th ave-macys-brooklyn bridge bullshit) that gave me a sense of the subcultures, vibes, and shadows that only the locals know about. i could blend right in, disappear, become a ghost.
found out through so much digging that the following night pop-culture-icon Sasha Grey was having a book launch in Soho. 
i jumped on that quicker than a bread truck hauling bodies  

if you don’t know about Sasha Grey, she became a porn star at the age of 18, immediately became notorious in her first film for asking her scene partner to punch her in the stomach while he was going to town on her….then she did an interview on Tyra Banks which brought her into the mainstream consciousness. After years in the adult world, and doing lots of fashion spreads for Vice Magazine and interviews in hipster mags, Steven Soderbergh cast her in his 2009 film The Girlfriend Experience, which received mixed reviews veering mostly on the positive. Now she has a book out, fronts a band, and is trynna make it in mainstream films.

i haven’t decided how i feel about sasha grey. i will concede that she does occupy a place in the collective conscious, and has tapped into something that seems to hold people’s attention, mine included. but i’m not completely sold that what she does is “performance art.” she’s provocative and different and an incredibly saavy business woman, but i refuse at this junction to put her on the same level as Annie Sprinkle or Chris Burden.  she’s definitely multidisciplinary and draws attention to the work she does in a cerebral and thought-provoking way.

but reading some of the sections in her book Neu Sex, i was actually quite disappointed with the quality of writing and the themes and motifs therein. she’s not a particularly unique writer. in fact, it was quite derivative. she quotes a lot of great philosophers in her writing, so at least we know who she’s thinking with, but she doesn’t seem to engage the intellect of the reader in a way that portrays her opinion on different veins of thought in question.
to be brief, her book sucks . . . 
 . . .   and then swallows…
..and then takes it up the ass.

she’s definitely a beaut. and dressed rather demurely. i ALMOST forgot that i’ve seen inside her lady bits.
aw. bless.

see the dude with the ‘fro? that’s Questlove from The Roots!!
Sasha (the picture of dorian)Grey has admirers in high places.
but let’s remember that i’m not in NYC to schmooze with the celebs and star fuckers, i’m here to do research for my novel. 
time to beat the street.

originally my research told me to check out places like Chelsea and the East Village and Alphabet City and St Marks Place….but these areas, after much inspection, really were only great for street art in the 70, 80s and 90s and kinda lost their pulse on the street culture nation after people like Basquiat and Keith Haring died. 
that’s not to say, as you can see from my pictures here, that there isn’t still remnants of those great days left behind in the areas. they’re just cleverly hidden.

the core of street culture in NYC has moved to Brooklyn, and each year moves further and further inland. so off to Bushwick i went to strike out for deep water.

i was specifically looking for this piece because in my research i had read that it had just gone up on this wall a few days before and was garnering a lot of buzz online. this piece is called Helping Hand and the artist’s name is No Touching Ground. 
apparently No Touching Ground actually has that memo notepad tattoo’d on his wrist, and just fills it in with Things To Do in pen. so when he decided to turn his wrist into street art, he decided that reminding himself and others to donate to the Japan quake relief effort was something not to forget. art + philanthropy= win.
you can read all about the backstory and creation of this piece here.

walking around Bushwick, you come across some of the most innovative and beautiful murals one never finds in a 4-walled gallery.
yesterday was a total coup for me because i managed to score an impromptu interview with Jake Dobkin, co-founder of Gothamist and head honcho behind Streetsy.com, one of the best street art and culture websites out there. he was totally cool and chatted with me for an hour about his thoughts on the scene here and answered all of my questions and comments with such thoughtful and insightful responses. getting the backstory on the scene is invaluable info for my book, so it’s not like going to directly quote him or anything, but i will deffo give him a mega-fanks in my book when it’s published. jake dobkin, aka super awesome.

shit guy. totes. HI MUM!
street art is….what? what is it? TELL ME!!
I think i originally saw this piece online, generating some buzz, so when i found it, i got a bit giddy. fuck me if i remember who did it or what it symbolizes. i just think it’s fucking righteous.
aw. pookie.

this dude was skateboarding by as i was taking the shot, and i think he ducked down so he wouldn’t obstruct my view, but i actually wanted him in the frame and timed it perfectly, methinks. FANKS GUY.
ha!
it’s actually called Bogart street, as you can see below, but some clever git bent the sign back so it reads as ART street….and really, that is way more apropos.

i spent a few hours in the Bushwick area at Swallow Cafe which seemed to be populated exclusively by street artists, purveyors, carpenters, people working in mixed disciplines, and hot hot hot hot men in chuck taylors.

i’ll be back to that cafe, fo’shizzle.

the actual area is called WYCKOFF but someone put an A over the Y.
shock me shock me shock me with that deeeeeviant behaviour.

call me crazy, but i look at this, and i see either a replica or an homage to Keith Haring’s work….am i right?
welcome to ChrisTopia. Population: dis gal.

yes yes, ya’ll. i reserved my ticket to the show a month ago, and STILL hadda wait outside in the fricken cold to get in cuz even with a reservation, entry was first-come first-serve basis and i was in the middle-to-back of the line. i eventually got in the studio, but many who reserved were left out in the cold. GET A BIGGER STUDIO, JON! (ps love you)

this is what it says over the door when you enter the building.

they were playing The Kooks on the speakers as i entered the studio. first the warm up guy Paul comes out and chats up the audience, gets us a bit giggly and stupid. when another person in the audience told him they were from Toronto, i screamed “yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa” and Paul focuses on me and goes “well you’re much prettier than the last guy.” (true story) So Paul asks my name and what i do. when i tell him i’m a writer, and he asks what kind, i say “I just finished my first book” and the audience gave me a rousing ovation.

awww shucks.

so Paul asks what the title is.

having been in the audience for many a show where comedians rip audience members a new rectum, i said “errr, i don’t wanna tell you!”

cue audience laughter. others shouted “don’t tell him!” and here’s paul insisting “oh no, i wont’ make fun of it, i swear.”

yeah fucking right! so i said, “err…it’s called War and Peace, mkay?”

He got the hint. sorry paul.

so then Jon comes out and we all cheer like groupies. i’ve seen jon stewart live before, about 5 or 6 years ago he did a standup gig at Massey Hall, but for some reason, my memory of that event is rather hazy.
so jon asks if we have any questions for him, a kinda informal Q & A session, and my hand immediately shoots up. he calls upon me with a “yes madame!” yay, first person to ask a question=most memorable surely.
so i ask, “i was wondering if either you or Norm Macdonald (guest on show) have an opinion on the current heart-palpitating (sarcasm) Canadian election?”
and jon says with all the sardonic bite classic to his humour, “who DOESN’T have an opinion, there are too many opinions really…” audience laughs. “yeah your government collapsed, didn’t it” and this girl in the aud from vancouver says the government was “a sham!” to which jon goes “now now, we don’t want canadians fighting here! you do that often enough on the ice. your hockey games are brutal.”
a few more questions from the audience and the show starts. during the first two segments, it was kinda hard from where i was sitting to see jon as the cameras blocked much of his view, but i still could definitely see him.  Jon Oliver’s segment about “oilfrica” in libya made jon piss his pants with laughter when the cameras weren’t on him. during the commercial breaks, two guys with headsets kept talking to jon and saying what didn’t look like too important stuff to occupy his thoughts. i’ve been the audience for other talk shows before, and the hosts there liked to talk to the audience during commercial breaks…not jon. sadness:(

anyway, norm macdonald comes out as the guest (i had perfect view, cameras had shifted position) and jon uses my question from the Q & A earlier to talk to Canuck Norm about our election and our government! i felt pretty chuffed about that. i DIRECTLY AFFECTED The Daily Show. all hail me.

so if you missed the episode, you can watch it in full in canada here or in the usa here.

PAY ATTENTION when watching cuz you can totally hear my laughter standing out in the audience. especially if you know how i laugh, you’ll undoubtably hear me. also when norm comes out and canada is mentioned, you can hear me squeal-shout a bit.

my laugh is kinda stupid-redonkulous and hard to miss.

hahaha, even when in another country, i’m STILL winning like a fiend at Roll Up The Rim.

i saw this car in brooklyn yesterday and had a braingasm. The Big Bang Theory car that sheldon would approve of, surely. 
it’s been hard this past week being in NYC as well. the last two times i was here, it was to visit someone that i have decided i should no longer contact. no bad words have been exchanged between us. in fact, the last time we chatted, it was rather pleasant. i just think any contact now would be somewhat inappropriate.
problem is, i’m trynna make new memories in NYC and it’s hard when i pass by Union Square or the cinema at 19th & Broadway, or go for a run along the Hudson river….even going into Bushwick was a bit of a mind-fuck. i didn’t think i felt this strongly about a person that i really didn’t have that much in common with.
in fact, i’m not even sure i liked this person that much. but refraining from contacting them by my own choice whilst here has been kind of painful. there are ghosts all over the city, and it’s made me rather sad when i stop to think about it.
one good thing about here to work and to write is that i’ve gotten a free 2 week membership at Paragraph, which is the NYC writers centre. I got it for free because i’m a member of the Toronto Writers Centre and they have a reciprocal agreement. the other night after The Daily Show, I was writing at the centre until about 1am. then i was gonna hop on the subway back to astoria….instead i walked up broadway for about 20 blocks in the middle of the night.
in the rain.
listening to misanthropic tunes.
i just  needed to walk and to think….
i still have another week loaded with subcultural adventures to be had.

all i hafta say is, when trying to understand the nature of a city’s stone, don’t stick to the comfortable thin skins of bus tours, museums, and flashy lights. bite down into the meaty layers underneath. become a local. see what isn’t seen from the safety of guidebooks.

no i will not visit the Magnolia bakery or Zabars.

fuck that.

enough blogging, the day is still sunny and adolescent-esque. and the city is awaiting this young canadian lass….


i’m the Divorce Whisperer

watch this short video introduction to my writing career at education at York U. this was filmed back in january at the Writing and Publishing panel discussion where i was a panelist. how cute am i?

Christine Estima
also, the entire panel discussion was filmed! you can watch it in two formats, either MP4 (which is working for me) or in WMV (which isn’t working for me, even though it says it’s buffering and ready, dammit).  If you’re interested in learning some secrets that I, and the panel, dished out on getting into Writing or Publishing, watch it. I shoot my mouth off a lot in it and crack silly jokes (at the very end I quote an inappropriate George Carlin joke, see how that went down in academia), but the information I’m giving out is invaluable. I’m tellin ya. I’m kind of a big deal. I wanna be on you. #stayclassysandiego


if you don’t want to watch the entire thing, the York website breaks down each topic we spoke about into neat little clips as well, so you can watch only what you wanna know about and what applies to you.

Did i mention that I’m going to new york city in a couple weeks? yuppers, pretty sure i did, but this old lass has been bedridden with the cold with no name that keeps me live-tweeting my snot-quotas and passing out for several hours of the livelong day. so forgive me if i’m repeating myself.
i’m planning out the NYC details, gonna be there for about two weeks, working on my novel. longest i’ve stayed in the big apple, first time there was 10 days, second time was a weekend, third time was a long weekend….seems i tend to go once a year now. i used to go to Paris once a year. that sounds like bragging, and it kinda is.

i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart as well, but i’m not gonna spend my time there going to shows. i’m there to explore the visual arts scene as research for my novel, so any suggestions off the beaten path would be greatly appreciated! i’ve already been scouring gothamist and time out, need some underground road-less-traveled suggestions…

appropriate that i just saw the adjustment bureau which portrays a highly-stylized old-timey kind of new york where all the men wear hats and the arts scene is vibrant and everyone wears flashy colours on bistro patios with cobblestones and discusses philosophy.

as i was leaving the cinema for the adjustment bureau, a highly romantic film despite all of its speculative fiction proclivities, i got a notice on my blackberry that someone had commented on an FB photo that i had once commented on…..months and months ago. it was one of his photos. and then he commented on it, knowing full well i’d see it, even though we’re no longer on each other’s FB.
and then i got all upset.
fuck you, you fucking fuck. stop messing with my head. 
i’m like the Divorce Whisperer.
i’ve always said this,  men easily fall for me. but they also easily get over it. when they don’t have me, i’m like the bee’s knees, i’m their bread and butter and they’re starving type thing. then once they get a kiss or they realize i’m starting to reciprocate, you wouldn’t believe how quickly they disappear. they’re all “well, she’s mine now. my work here is done” and they move on. i’d hate to think what category i’d rank in for Snog Marry Avoid. i’m pretty sure the categories would change to Shag Marry Kill in my presence. in the past few months, i’ve kissed a couple blokes and then never heard from them again. i like to pretend they died. luckily though, i’m reminded of my early february proclamation that i’m SO OVER MEN. not interested in having a boyfriend if all i get after a kiss is radio-silence.
NEXT!
have you seen this photo project called Back To The Future, this argentinian photographer is doing such interesting work with what looks like a hipstamatic app and i’m jealous cuz i LOVE LOVE LOVE those 70s aesthetic cameras and threw all of my old ones out in the mid-90s. who develops film anymore anyway? does kodak even make the rolls anymore? whatever, take a look at this photo project….i wanna be IN this project.
last week i went to the press screening for the latest adaptation of Jane Eyre, it opens later this week. i can’t talk much about it because of the critic moratorium, and  my review will go live on the magazine’s website anyway….but i will say that i went to go see it primarily because i have dreams about Michael Fassbender and Jamie Bell, usually separately, but now they’re my threesome in a cinematic nocturnal emission. yes i have raging hormones. no that doesn’t affect my movie-critic-objectivity….much.
watch the trailer here:
,
the good gents behind CanLit, a party i went to a few weeks ago, decided to update their tumblr with a conversation i had with Chelsea on the CanLit dancefloor.
i am such a dreamboat.

>i’m the Divorce Whisperer

>

watch this short video introduction to my writing career at education at York U. this was filmed back in january at the Writing and Publishing panel discussion where i was a panelist. how cute am i?

Christine Estima
also, the entire panel discussion was filmed! you can watch it in two formats, either MP4 (which is working for me) or in WMV (which isn’t working for me, even though it says it’s buffering and ready, dammit).  If you’re interested in learning some secrets that I, and the panel, dished out on getting into Writing or Publishing, watch it. I shoot my mouth off a lot in it and crack silly jokes (at the very end I quote an inappropriate George Carlin joke, see how that went down in academia), but the information I’m giving out is invaluable. I’m tellin ya. I’m kind of a big deal. I wanna be on you. #stayclassysandiego


if you don’t want to watch the entire thing, the York website breaks down each topic we spoke about into neat little clips as well, so you can watch only what you wanna know about and what applies to you.

Did i mention that I’m going to new york city in a couple weeks? yuppers, pretty sure i did, but this old lass has been bedridden with the cold with no name that keeps me live-tweeting my snot-quotas and passing out for several hours of the livelong day. so forgive me if i’m repeating myself.
i’m planning out the NYC details, gonna be there for about two weeks, working on my novel. longest i’ve stayed in the big apple, first time there was 10 days, second time was a weekend, third time was a long weekend….seems i tend to go once a year now. i used to go to Paris once a year. that sounds like bragging, and it kinda is.

i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart as well, but i’m not gonna spend my time there going to shows. i’m there to explore the visual arts scene as research for my novel, so any suggestions off the beaten path would be greatly appreciated! i’ve already been scouring gothamist and time out, need some underground road-less-traveled suggestions…

appropriate that i just saw the adjustment bureau which portrays a highly-stylized old-timey kind of new york where all the men wear hats and the arts scene is vibrant and everyone wears flashy colours on bistro patios with cobblestones and discusses philosophy.

as i was leaving the cinema for the adjustment bureau, a highly romantic film despite all of its speculative fiction proclivities, i got a notice on my blackberry that someone had commented on an FB photo that i had once commented on…..months and months ago. it was one of his photos. and then he commented on it, knowing full well i’d see it, even though we’re no longer on each other’s FB.
and then i got all upset.
fuck you, you fucking fuck. stop messing with my head. 
i’m like the Divorce Whisperer.
i’ve always said this,  men easily fall for me. but they also easily get over it. when they don’t have me, i’m like the bee’s knees, i’m their bread and butter and they’re starving type thing. then once they get a kiss or they realize i’m starting to reciprocate, you wouldn’t believe how quickly they disappear. they’re all “well, she’s mine now. my work here is done” and they move on. i’d hate to think what category i’d rank in for Snog Marry Avoid. i’m pretty sure the categories would change to Shag Marry Kill in my presence. in the past few months, i’ve kissed a couple blokes and then never heard from them again. i like to pretend they died. luckily though, i’m reminded of my early february proclamation that i’m SO OVER MEN. not interested in having a boyfriend if all i get after a kiss is radio-silence.
NEXT!
have you seen this photo project called Back To The Future, this argentinian photographer is doing such interesting work with what looks like a hipstamatic app and i’m jealous cuz i LOVE LOVE LOVE those 70s aesthetic cameras and threw all of my old ones out in the mid-90s. who develops film anymore anyway? does kodak even make the rolls anymore? whatever, take a look at this photo project….i wanna be IN this project.
last week i went to the press screening for the latest adaptation of Jane Eyre, it opens later this week. i can’t talk much about it because of the critic moratorium, and  my review will go live on the magazine’s website anyway….but i will say that i went to go see it primarily because i have dreams about Michael Fassbender and Jamie Bell, usually separately, but now they’re my threesome in a cinematic nocturnal emission. yes i have raging hormones. no that doesn’t affect my movie-critic-objectivity….much.
watch the trailer here:
,
the good gents behind CanLit, a party i went to a few weeks ago, decided to update their tumblr with a conversation i had with Chelsea on the CanLit dancefloor.
i am such a dreamboat.

i’ve got love for you if you were born in the 80s

 on valentines day, NOW magazine had all these virgin mobile inserts you see here inside each copy. like little love/hate notes to give to your loved one/breaking-up-with one. so my friend andrew and i were hanging at Tequila Bookworm, picking out leaflet after leaflet from the NOW stack and just blowing these cards away at each other. we were literally pissing with laughter, i think the other tables thought us mad. great way to blitzkrieg the afternoon.

 that convenience store crack is a reference to a convo andy and i were having about this author i know. she’s japanese and sold her book to a publisher that used to buy only korean authors, but they changed the name of their publishing house so instead of “korean” it now says “variety.” so andrew quipped that it sounds like she sold her book to a convenience store. i PMSL. mostly because i hate her writing. she’s a nice lady, but her voice is trite and her talent is questionable. rant over. testing testing is this thing on?

this last one, he decided to write a sincere, nice one. 
awww. happy valentine’s bud. 
speaking of valentines, i was hanging out one-on-one with a man that i’ve kinda been playing a dance with for a little while now, ever since i saw him in a play and told him i liked his performance. then he got back to me and we kinda started talking. no big deal, but i guess something started to take hold, because he wanted to yap over coffee. so we did and it was lovely. super cool guy, we were having a nice long chat about theatre and life in toronto versus life in london (he lived there toooooooo!) and craigslist’s missed connections section, when this kid at the next table, who couldn’t have been more than 22, got up, interrupted us, and said, “i overheard your conversation about people in toronto not talking to anyone and about all the missed connections, so i thought i’d ask you out. i like your style.”

and i just look at the man sitting across from me, and then to the boy with the stretched earlobe piercings flopping down to his shoulders, and wanted to stab myself with a fork.

“ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn…” is i think what came out of my mouth. i was rendered absolutely speechless.

MOR.TI.FIED.

i couldn’t exactly say, “i’m with this man, sorry,” because we were just meeting for an innocent cuppa and i didn’t know if he’d freak out if i used him as an excuse (although he did tell me later that i could’ve said that, dammit). and the kid just wouldn’t stop trying to chat me up right in front of my coffee-partner! AWKWARD.

i took the kids number in an effort to get rid of him and to shut him up, nonetheless he wanted to stay and talk ignoring that i was clearly with someone else.

i guess that’s what i get for shooting my mouth off loud enough for people to hear.

anyhoo, the man in question and i moved cafes to another joint, and talked for about 3 hours. then he invited me to his one-man show over the weekend. it was actually more of a cabaret style performance. great showtunes and songs, piano music, stories and anecdotes about love, french pastries and wine, art on the walls, it was really something.

and his personal stories….they were funny, they were poignant….i got a little emotional.

during intermission, his old school teacher, who was sitting next to me, hovers over me and asks in a sing-songy voice, “are you his girlfriend?!”

i think i replied something along the lines of “ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn….”

you see this here passport. i’ve blogged about this several times before. bought the passport back in september when it first got started.

 AND LOOKY WHO JUST COMPLETED IT! in truth, most of the work was done in october, i was going to a new cafe like EVERY DAY in october cuz i was house sitting for max in parkdale and could just hop on my bike wherever i wanted when i was bored and enjoy a free cuppa with this pass. 
so favourite cafe discoveries? most of them were in the east end, a place most torontonians, for some reason, stay away from. go east, people, that place is hyyyype. 
these places got tops marks for vibe, atmosphere, friendliness, inspiring cozy decor, and of course, they’re top roasters.
Scraping the barrel shits on the list:
Cafe 260, Ground Level Cafe, Bisogno Cafe, Crema Coffee, Red Rocket Coffee (on Wellesley), and Linuxcaffe.
why were these ones the pitts? mostly because, although competent roasters, i didn’t like the vibe or sense of community (lack thereof) of the cafes. some cafes, although with nice decor inside and situated in good locations, don’t exactly have a nice, cosy, creative, inspiring vibe to them. they’re just kinda soul-less. linuxcaffe however, has a great vibe, but it’s on the shits list because my computer was hacked whilst using their unsecure-no-password-free-wifi (dude who hacked it sent me an email from my email account telling me he’d hacked it). mayjah stock plummeted as a result. 
 the indie coffee passport expires march 31st, so if you’re so inclined, there’s still time to buy one (from any of the cafes participating in it) and see for yourself. discover a new cafe. try a new drink. see if you can complete the passport like i did. toward the end of my indie coffee passport journey, every barista was inspecting my card and going “wow. this is the fullest card i’ve seen yet. you’ve checked out some great places.” 
damn straight. buzz is they’ll do this passport dealie again  next fall. suggest your favourite indie cafe to be added to the list!
oh sacha, behave.
again, another one of my tweets has gone viral. a few days ago, when the libyan clusterfuck hindenburg’d tripoli and gaddafi took to the airwaves for his shitstorm speech that bored everyone to death, i tweeted this. as you can see, it was RT’d 245 times within a few hours. i swear, sometimes the power of the internet surprises and shocks me. you say something, and if you have enough people paying attention, your ideas can reach out far beyond your initial estimation.
anyway, Gaddafi, you’re so old, you look like a klingon taking a shit. 

it’s my birfday this week oh gawd i’m turning thirrrrrrrrrrrty. you know, the only thing i don’t like about turning 30 is the way it sounds. people don’t like admitting their age because they don’t like how it sounds to others, but really, on the inside, i feel great. i actually ENJOY getting older. life feels more immediate. when i younger i was wracked with insecurities and i took so much for granted. now that i’m older, my problems are deeper, but i’m better equipped to handle them. i’m also filling each day with as much as i can, trying to enjoy all the people and the experiences that come into my life. people lie about their age because they’re worried about how OTHER people will perceive them and their station in society. but i know i look great (no wrinkles, no gray hair!), that most people mistake me for early twenties, that i haven’t lost my youthful vigour and enthusiasm, and i can’t imagine anything that will.
that being said, I am still technically 29 until March 2nd, dammit.
so i had a boozy brunch at the Gladstone Hotel to celebrate the milestone.

 sacha, dan and jonathan (& son Jacob)

so i was a bit worried at first that the 20-person-table i reserved at the Gladstone wouldn’t be filled because everyone kept bailing on me at the last minute (one of my friends actually messaged me to say he couldn’t make it because he had to “go to the gym.” people are such tools). but slowly the place started to fill with all of my lovely mates and we ended up having such a great time…until….

 teresa, kelly, and mads

…..i’ve mentioned in a previous post how there was this guy, this really ugly-sex guy that i made out with at sofi’s party a couple weeks ago, and how i’d probably have to start avoiding his calls, and texts. boy have i ever. not only has the dude been incessantly leaving me voicemails, or texting me, but he’s also been leaving me so many FB messages.

“hey sexy how are you?”
“hey what’s going on gorgeous?”
“have i told you how beautiful you are yet today?”

barf. i mean, these types of messages would be welcome if they weren’t from someone who looked like if you told him to go fuck himself, he’d give it a shot.

dude is terrifying.

and you would think that after all of his messages that i’ve been ignoring, he’d read between the lines and TAKE  A HINT but no.
 if the situation were reversed, and i kept texting and calling and FB messaging some guy with no response, i’d be labeled a “needy, desperate chick.” but when a guy does it, he’s just “assertive.’

joel, max, and reg

plus, it’s not like i can be at all flattered by his attention, seeing as how i’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been sending the exact same messages to other girls that he fancies. dude got out of  a relationship recently, is obviously hurting, and now wants to be a man-whore with whoever he can find. but he probably shouldn’t be doing it with people who KNOW his ex-girlfriend.

so during the course of my boozy-brunch, when i’m having such a great time with my friends, and catching up, and being all squealy (i’m a squealer), guess who AMBUSHES it.

 sofi and patrick!

the look on my face clearly was one of shock and utter horror. WHO DOES THAT? who shows up, unannounced and clearly uninvited to someone’s birthday for the sole purpose of ambushing them. oh you won’t answer my desperate messages? guess i’ll go ruin your birthday!

and seeing as how we have some mutual friends (they’re MY friends, and his acquaintances-not-really), and they don’t know that he aggressively tried it on with me, they all starred at me when he arrived, wondering what the fuck he was doing there. and clearly when my look of oh-fuck-now-i-have-a-situation-on-my-hands burned across my cheeks, they probably knew something was up, and i will now hafta field some uncomfy questions.

 KEITH YOU RULE AT PHOTOBOMBS! oh hai jess and soph!

i was angry, i was mortified, but mostly i wanted to clobber him. if i had done that to a boy who was ignoring my texts, i’d be seen as a crazy psycho stalker.

so when most of my friends had left, he pulled me aside and asked “why are you ignoring meeeeeeeeee?”  wah wah wah, i’ll call the waaaaaaaaaaaambulance, dude.

do you really think you’re irresistable, you twat.

so in my most gentle voice that i usually reserve for 4-year-olds, i told him that getting it on with some bloke who used to date a girl i know isn’t for me. again, i assumed that by telling him this, he could read between the lines that I’M NOT INTERESTED. you are a douchey imbecile of the lowest order and you behave like a wife-beater.

instead, a few hours later after leaving, he sends me this FB message:

It was great to see you today. That dress looks exquisite on you, and makes your skin look delicious.

Thanks for filling me in, I must say I was disappointed I never heard from you. I was really excited to see you.

Anyway shhhhh…. discretion is the key:) I think your super sexy, wicked smart, and I like your style girl.

All the best babe.

regurgitate! regurgitate!
we bring up all the food we ate!
vee-ohh-emm-eye-teee
VOMIT

 that’s the crazy stalker ugmo ambusher. blurred for his anonymity and to protect his privacy. grossssss.

so i wrote back angrily and said that i’m glad we cleared things up, BUT MY BIRTHDAY WAS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO DO IT, you ruined my day.

ass.

and i don’t drink. ever. anyone who knows me, knows that i don’t touch alcohol. it’s just not my thing. but keith bought me a shot. so i downed it.

grant me patience. but please hurry.

i went to the press screening for Funkytown, a Canadian film in both english and french about montreal in the 1970s during the golden days of disco, and how different lifestyles of excess lead to the destruction of some, and the career-catapult for others. it stars Patrick Huard from Bon Cop Bad Cop fame. i think what i really liked about this film is it accurately portrayed the montreal that i grew up in (although i wasn’t alive in the 70s, the 80s did look and feel a lot like this). i really miss my life in quebec. just hearing the quebecois accent made me all giggly and googly-eyed.
and now i wanna watch Lance et Compte.

anyhoo, watch the Funkytown trailer here:

i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. now i’m definitely headed to NYC at the end of March.

epic win


>i’ve got love for you if you were born in the 80s

>

 on valentines day, NOW magazine had all these virgin mobile inserts you see here inside each copy. like little love/hate notes to give to your loved one/breaking-up-with one. so my friend andrew and i were hanging at Tequila Bookworm, picking out leaflet after leaflet from the NOW stack and just blowing these cards away at each other. we were literally pissing with laughter, i think the other tables thought us mad. great way to blitzkrieg the afternoon.

 that convenience store crack is a reference to a convo andy and i were having about this author i know. she’s japanese and sold her book to a publisher that used to buy only korean authors, but they changed the name of their publishing house so instead of “korean” it now says “variety.” so andrew quipped that it sounds like she sold her book to a convenience store. i PMSL. mostly because i hate her writing. she’s a nice lady, but her voice is trite and her talent is questionable. rant over. testing testing is this thing on?

this last one, he decided to write a sincere, nice one. 
awww. happy valentine’s bud. 
speaking of valentines, i was hanging out one-on-one with a man that i’ve kinda been playing a dance with for a little while now, ever since i saw him in a play and told him i liked his performance. then he got back to me and we kinda started talking. no big deal, but i guess something started to take hold, because he wanted to yap over coffee. so we did and it was lovely. super cool guy, we were having a nice long chat about theatre and life in toronto versus life in london (he lived there toooooooo!) and craigslist’s missed connections section, when this kid at the next table, who couldn’t have been more than 22, got up, interrupted us, and said, “i overheard your conversation about people in toronto not talking to anyone and about all the missed connections, so i thought i’d ask you out. i like your style.”

and i just look at the man sitting across from me, and then to the boy with the stretched earlobe piercings flopping down to his shoulders, and wanted to stab myself with a fork.

“ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn…” is i think what came out of my mouth. i was rendered absolutely speechless.

MOR.TI.FIED.

i couldn’t exactly say, “i’m with this man, sorry,” because we were just meeting for an innocent cuppa and i didn’t know if he’d freak out if i used him as an excuse (although he did tell me later that i could’ve said that, dammit). and the kid just wouldn’t stop trying to chat me up right in front of my coffee-partner! AWKWARD.

i took the kids number in an effort to get rid of him and to shut him up, nonetheless he wanted to stay and talk ignoring that i was clearly with someone else.

i guess that’s what i get for shooting my mouth off loud enough for people to hear.

anyhoo, the man in question and i moved cafes to another joint, and talked for about 3 hours. then he invited me to his one-man show over the weekend. it was actually more of a cabaret style performance. great showtunes and songs, piano music, stories and anecdotes about love, french pastries and wine, art on the walls, it was really something.

and his personal stories….they were funny, they were poignant….i got a little emotional.

during intermission, his old school teacher, who was sitting next to me, hovers over me and asks in a sing-songy voice, “are you his girlfriend?!”

i think i replied something along the lines of “ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn….”

you see this here passport. i’ve blogged about this several times before. bought the passport back in september when it first got started.

 AND LOOKY WHO JUST COMPLETED IT! in truth, most of the work was done in october, i was going to a new cafe like EVERY DAY in october cuz i was house sitting for max in parkdale and could just hop on my bike wherever i wanted when i was bored and enjoy a free cuppa with this pass. 
so favourite cafe discoveries? most of them were in the east end, a place most torontonians, for some reason, stay away from. go east, people, that place is hyyyype. 
these places got tops marks for vibe, atmosphere, friendliness, inspiring cozy decor, and of course, they’re top roasters.
Scraping the barrel shits on the list:
Cafe 260, Ground Level Cafe, Bisogno Cafe, Crema Coffee, Red Rocket Coffee (on Wellesley), and Linuxcaffe.
why were these ones the pitts? mostly because, although competent roasters, i didn’t like the vibe or sense of community (lack thereof) of the cafes. some cafes, although with nice decor inside and situated in good locations, don’t exactly have a nice, cosy, creative, inspiring vibe to them. they’re just kinda soul-less. linuxcaffe however, has a great vibe, but it’s on the shits list because my computer was hacked whilst using their unsecure-no-password-free-wifi (dude who hacked it sent me an email from my email account telling me he’d hacked it). mayjah stock plummeted as a result. 
 the indie coffee passport expires march 31st, so if you’re so inclined, there’s still time to buy one (from any of the cafes participating in it) and see for yourself. discover a new cafe. try a new drink. see if you can complete the passport like i did. toward the end of my indie coffee passport journey, every barista was inspecting my card and going “wow. this is the fullest card i’ve seen yet. you’ve checked out some great places.” 
damn straight. buzz is they’ll do this passport dealie again  next fall. suggest your favourite indie cafe to be added to the list!
oh sacha, behave.
again, another one of my tweets has gone viral. a few days ago, when the libyan clusterfuck hindenburg’d tripoli and gaddafi took to the airwaves for his shitstorm speech that bored everyone to death, i tweeted this. as you can see, it was RT’d 245 times within a few hours. i swear, sometimes the power of the internet surprises and shocks me. you say something, and if you have enough people paying attention, your ideas can reach out far beyond your initial estimation.
anyway, Gaddafi, you’re so old, you look like a klingon taking a shit. 

it’s my birfday this week oh gawd i’m turning thirrrrrrrrrrrty. you know, the only thing i don’t like about turning 30 is the way it sounds. people don’t like admitting their age because they don’t like how it sounds to others, but really, on the inside, i feel great. i actually ENJOY getting older. life feels more immediate. when i younger i was wracked with insecurities and i took so much for granted. now that i’m older, my problems are deeper, but i’m better equipped to handle them. i’m also filling each day with as much as i can, trying to enjoy all the people and the experiences that come into my life. people lie about their age because they’re worried about how OTHER people will perceive them and their station in society. but i know i look great (no wrinkles, no gray hair!), that most people mistake me for early twenties, that i haven’t lost my youthful vigour and enthusiasm, and i can’t imagine anything that will.
that being said, I am still technically 29 until March 2nd, dammit.
so i had a boozy brunch at the Gladstone Hotel to celebrate the milestone.

 sacha, dan and jonathan (& son Jacob)

so i was a bit worried at first that the 20-person-table i reserved at the Gladstone wouldn’t be filled because everyone kept bailing on me at the last minute (one of my friends actually messaged me to say he couldn’t make it because he had to “go to the gym.” people are such tools). but slowly the place started to fill with all of my lovely mates and we ended up having such a great time…until….

 teresa, kelly, and mads

…..i’ve mentioned in a previous post how there was this guy, this really ugly-sex guy that i made out with at sofi’s party a couple weeks ago, and how i’d probably have to start avoiding his calls, and texts. boy have i ever. not only has the dude been incessantly leaving me voicemails, or texting me, but he’s also been leaving me so many FB messages.

“hey sexy how are you?”
“hey what’s going on gorgeous?”
“have i told you how beautiful you are yet today?”

barf. i mean, these types of messages would be welcome if they weren’t from someone who looked like if you told him to go fuck himself, he’d give it a shot.

dude is terrifying.

and you would think that after all of his messages that i’ve been ignoring, he’d read between the lines and TAKE  A HINT but no.
 if the situation were reversed, and i kept texting and calling and FB messaging some guy with no response, i’d be labeled a “needy, desperate chick.” but when a guy does it, he’s just “assertive.’

joel, max, and reg

plus, it’s not like i can be at all flattered by his attention, seeing as how i’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been sending the exact same messages to other girls that he fancies. dude got out of  a relationship recently, is obviously hurting, and now wants to be a man-whore with whoever he can find. but he probably shouldn’t be doing it with people who KNOW his ex-girlfriend.

so during the course of my boozy-brunch, when i’m having such a great time with my friends, and catching up, and being all squealy (i’m a squealer), guess who AMBUSHES it.

 sofi and patrick!

the look on my face clearly was one of shock and utter horror. WHO DOES THAT? who shows up, unannounced and clearly uninvited to someone’s birthday for the sole purpose of ambushing them. oh you won’t answer my desperate messages? guess i’ll go ruin your birthday!

and seeing as how we have some mutual friends (they’re MY friends, and his acquaintances-not-really), and they don’t know that he aggressively tried it on with me, they all starred at me when he arrived, wondering what the fuck he was doing there. and clearly when my look of oh-fuck-now-i-have-a-situation-on-my-hands burned across my cheeks, they probably knew something was up, and i will now hafta field some uncomfy questions.

 KEITH YOU RULE AT PHOTOBOMBS! oh hai jess and soph!

i was angry, i was mortified, but mostly i wanted to clobber him. if i had done that to a boy who was ignoring my texts, i’d be seen as a crazy psycho stalker.

so when most of my friends had left, he pulled me aside and asked “why are you ignoring meeeeeeeeee?”  wah wah wah, i’ll call the waaaaaaaaaaaambulance, dude.

do you really think you’re irresistable, you twat.

so in my most gentle voice that i usually reserve for 4-year-olds, i told him that getting it on with some bloke who used to date a girl i know isn’t for me. again, i assumed that by telling him this, he could read between the lines that I’M NOT INTERESTED. you are a douchey imbecile of the lowest order and you behave like a wife-beater.

instead, a few hours later after leaving, he sends me this FB message:

It was great to see you today. That dress looks exquisite on you, and makes your skin look delicious.

Thanks for filling me in, I must say I was disappointed I never heard from you. I was really excited to see you.

Anyway shhhhh…. discretion is the key:) I think your super sexy, wicked smart, and I like your style girl.

All the best babe.

regurgitate! regurgitate!
we bring up all the food we ate!
vee-ohh-emm-eye-teee
VOMIT

 that’s the crazy stalker ugmo ambusher. blurred for his anonymity and to protect his privacy. grossssss.

so i wrote back angrily and said that i’m glad we cleared things up, BUT MY BIRTHDAY WAS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO DO IT, you ruined my day.

ass.

and i don’t drink. ever. anyone who knows me, knows that i don’t touch alcohol. it’s just not my thing. but keith bought me a shot. so i downed it.

grant me patience. but please hurry.

i went to the press screening for Funkytown, a Canadian film in both english and french about montreal in the 1970s during the golden days of disco, and how different lifestyles of excess lead to the destruction of some, and the career-catapult for others. it stars Patrick Huard from Bon Cop Bad Cop fame. i think what i really liked about this film is it accurately portrayed the montreal that i grew up in (although i wasn’t alive in the 70s, the 80s did look and feel a lot like this). i really miss my life in quebec. just hearing the quebecois accent made me all giggly and googly-eyed.
and now i wanna watch Lance et Compte.

anyhoo, watch the Funkytown trailer here:

i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. now i’m definitely headed to NYC at the end of March.

epic win