"Blogging isn't journalism, it's graffiti with punctuation."

valentine

Travelling While Woman: Check out my latest essay in @vicecanada

vicemorningafterpill

Travel for women is never simple, espesh when you require reproductive health care on the road. That’s the topic of my latest essay for VICE. Solo women travelers always need to plan for incidentals that men need not – whether it’s what we can wear in any given country, to what kind of health care we can access – and many times these services are priced beyond our budget, not covered by insurance, and require extreme measures.

Click the above image or here to read.

Don’t forget to check out the official Christine Estima dot com to read all of my previous essays for VICE and many other magazines, newspapers, and journals. TO THE TYPEWRITERS!

NewWEbSite!


The Lovertine: Watch my TV interview on TFO!

tfochristine4

Life is strange and unpredictable. You never know what’s coming for ya. And I wouldn’t have it any other way. A few months ago, you’ll remember I was interviewed and photographed for a Toronto Life feature , which itself was a lot of fun. Well, more people saw that interview than I bargained for.

tfochristine1

I was contacted by the good folks over at TFO 24.7, the Franco-Ontarian TV station here in Canada.  They noticed that I speak French, and that many of my love letters are in French, and they asked if they could come over and film me for a Valentine’s Day segment.

tfochristine2

They came over and interviewed me for 5 hours. The finished TV segment is less than 4 minutes, it’s a lot of work that goes into making a mere 4 minutes!  They filmed me in my bedroom here in Toronto, which I have decorated with the letters, old photographs, antique furniture and typewriters, and then they filmed me at an antique shop and a café.

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I really like the way this came out. The music they use is super sweet and it makes my 9 x 15 bedroom look much larger than it actually is! I’m also a little embarrassed, just because this is my bedroom and I’m inviting all of you strangers into my tiny little corner of the world, but hey…. I WOULD DOOOOO ANYTHING FOR LOVVVVVVVE. Har har.

 

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I think this is my favourite shot in the entire segment.

tfochristine6

 

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Anyway, watch the entire segment below! It’s in French, of course, but you will probably still get the gist of it even if you don’t speak French. Enjoy! Savourez-le!


Video: Watch me perform @RaconteursTO!

ranconteurs2016

Recently I performed at Raconteurs, a live storytelling event that happens monthly here in Toronto. I’ve performed at Raconteurs before, and as many of you know, lots of other Spoken Word events around the world like The Moth, Spark London, GRTTWaK, and Pressgang. I feel like these events bridge a nice gap between writing and performance. I don’t like to act much, I prefer to be vulnerable on the page, rather than on the stage, but Spoken Word and Live Storytelling are a nice way to meld the two.

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I told a story about trying to become the Canadian Amélie with a little help from the Bunz Trading Zone. It’s a crazy story of trying to connect with other people — complete strangers, really — and all the foibles and follies therein. You can watch it below! Enjoy!

In this new year, I have lots of things on my plate! So many upcoming publications, performances, and more! I can’t wait to share the news with you. Even though 2016 was a dumpster fire for everyone, I made some huge advances in my career and I’m so pleased with the direction in which everything is going. Small positive steps everyday lead to big things!

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Also, I have a new adventure on the horizon! On Valentine’s Day, I head to Helsingborg, Sweden for the first time! I’ve never been (even though I lived in Europe for years and years), so when a housesitting opportunity arose, so I had to take it. After Sweden, I’ll be swinging through London, Brussels, and Amsterdam to visit my friends (and celebrate my birfday! What a crazy 3 weeks this is going to be….), so if you’re in Helsingborg and want to show this wee Canadian lass around, hit me up!

As always, don’t forget to check out Christine Estima dot CALM (har har) to read all of my published articles, watch my performances, and check out my media coverage.

NewWEbSite!

 


A Lovers’ Scavenger Hunt

one sunshiney day in Trinity Bellwoods Park in downtown Toronto, an irish couple that had been together for three years were deeply in love and prone to romantic gestures worthy of a ralph fiennes movie. kelsie, whose heart was inextricably linked to callum, come ruin or rapture, decided to send her ginger-haired lover on a scavenger hunt throughout the park.

as he followed balloons, notes, photos, and scientific formulas that described the tapestry of their love, he knew that soon he would be in possession of a bottle of bubbly, a pain au chocolat, and the key-owner to his heart.

just another one of those wonderful things you can stumble upon in your city …. if you’re paying attention.


I’ve been SNAP’d!

During Love A Heart, me and SOFI (not safi, dammit) and her friend steph were photographed by the event-photography magazine SNAP. I totally forgot about it until I was sent this above pic from the print copy. I must get my hands on that print copy. If you have it, please save it for me!

so i went on the SNAP website and found our photo. I found it odd and annoying that SNAP wanted to charge me $5 for downloading my own face! Luckily, there’s a handy little tool that comes with my PC called “Snipping Tool.” Hey SNAP, you should look into that.

Anyway, click here to read my account of my Love A Heart experience! (Some celebs made an appearance, I sold for a pretty penny, and someone loaded with awesomesauce was my top bidder. JUST SAYIN’.)


The Night List’s favourite gal

that’s awfully kind of you Paul! fanks so much for that The Grid shout-out! we are long overdue for a catch-up and a cuddle.

click here to read how i did at the Love A Heart event!


Happy Hairy Armpits!

Being single on Valentines Day rules because you don’t hafta shave your pits or your legs, thusly increasing your happiness exponentially!!

Found this Hirsute-Happy-Hombre in Graffiti Alley.


Happy Valentines Day, hosers!

For me, Valentines Day is like the opening sequence of Saving Private Ryan, except every third person is a woman puking into her handbag, looking for her morning-after-Bacardi-breezer.

That being said, I hope your Valentines Day is full of …..


Ewan McGregor’s peen ….


… and not full of Richard Wright’s infidelity….



…with copious amounts of dancing The Lindler.

Mmmmmmm, Christopher Plummmerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrowr.


SOLD!

The Love A Heart event was a massive success! As I blogged about before, I was asked by the wonder-woman event organizer if I’d like to be auctioned off on a date to the highest bidder, with all the money going to the Heart & Stroke Foundation. Naturally I said yes, but as the event approached, I slowly began to pass a kidney stone of sheer terror. It’s petrifying asking a crowd of 500-plus people to put a dollar value on your debatable-hotness! Bussey had blogged a few weeks ago that I would, in all likelihood, sell for $170 which I thought was extremely generous.

So how much did I sell for?

$300!!!

If I had been wearing underwear that night, they would have needed changing. (Undies are for quitters).

And who was my top bidder?


Dis guy.

Although technically he shares me with my wifey, but that goes without saying.

Now please enjoy this photogasm which accurately depicts the depravity and kickassery of the night.

No comment.

me, ashley, and sofi shall henceforth be known as the “boob troop.”

shannon and i have devil eyes!

was nice to see george again. we had a quick catch-up. he sold for $800, which i assumed would have been the top bid of the night. out of nowhere, ryan-gosling-esque Kerry pulls a $1025!! bless his heart, he then matched the bid.

if only all the hosers we knew in highschool back in scarbage could see us now

OMG IS THAT LEN?!! that’s what i was thinking the entire night, dude never comes out! it takes a lot to get him excited about events. he was also my saviour, basically talking me off a ledge for the past two weeks. i was genuinely shitting myself for this event, but he was coo’ing in my BBM ear to just have a laugh and remember it’s for charity (with extra shits n’ giggles). totally worked!

although after i got off stage, my adrenaline suddenly drained, and vicki needed to haul me outside for a quick breather, as i had a wee lil’ panic attack.

did i mention i stayed in a hotel that night? look at me, i’m adult-y.

view of the ROM. years and years ago, i worked as a tour guide on those hop-on-hop-off double decker buses for tourists, and when we’d drive by the ROM (which was still under reconstruction at the time), i used to say this joke to squeeze more tips outta the gullible americans:

and now we’re going by the Royal Ontario Museum, or the ROM as we like to call it. now as you can see, it’s still under reconstruction, but as you all know… ROM wasn’t built in a day.”

wocka wocka wocka.

i also once worked at the Royal Conservatory of Music….. for one day. i quit that job by the stroke of 5pm.

they were filming some movie or tv show at Varsity Stadium. probably one of those crap canadian tv shows like Being Erica or Flashpoint. (ps sorry to all my actor/director/writer friends who are employed on said-shows. i wuv yoos guise).

annnnnd…. scene.


See you at #LoveAHeart tonight!

Love A Heart is tonight!

my wifey and i are both on the auction block. come buy Valentines-y dates with us!

truth be told, i am kinda shitting myself, but at the end of the day, charity events like this shouldn’t be taken too seriously. it’s supposed to jolly! let’s have a laugh and buy some hotties a pint.

see you there, fellas!

(photography by Paul Hillier)


remember the mountain bed

You laughed as I covered you over with leaves; face, breast, hips, and thighs. You smiled when I said the leaves were just the color of your eyes.

one day i will sing this song with somebody that i love.


The #LoveAHeart Auction Heats Up

As many of you know, I’m going to be auctioned off to highest Valentine-y bidder at the Love A Heart charity event on February 9th. I blogged all the details last week.

Local rabble rouser and loveable shit disturber Zach Bussey (the infamous charlatan behind Ontario’s Sexiest Election Candidate campaign) has given a run-down of all the ladies on the auction block, how much you can expect to pay, and what you’ll get for your money.

Here’s what he had to say about yours-truly:


Christine Estima
@ChristineEstima
Everybody knows Christine. Show us your tweets Christine! (If you follow her, you’ll get that.) Christine is great company who always makes me laugh, and I’m like Stalin (or maybe Teller.. whichever one laughs less?) She also can spot graffiti from a mile away and keeps getting recognition for it *cough Toronto Star*.
I expect a conglomerate of buyers to pitch in and grab Christine for no less than
$170.

That’s awfully kind and generous of him to say. Bussey was actually the very first person I ever met from Twitter IRL (he lent me a flip cam!) so he’s always gonna be one of mah boyeeez. He’s always polarizing and mouthy (remind you of anyone you know?), and had some choice words for some of the other ladies on the auction block, so read what he has to say, as a past-participant and current supporter.

Hope to see you all there! Let’s be Valentines!


Get your Heart-On at #LoveAHeart

Fellas, now is your chance to date me! ………………..

#tumbleweed

#cough

I’m being auctioned off for charity!…………………

Jeez, tough crowd.

Well anyway, click on the above image to get details on the Love A Heart event, where the hottest bachelors and bachelorettes in Toronto (and, uh, me) will be auctioned off to raise funds for the Heart & Stroke Foundation.

It takes place on February 9th and The Hideout (484 Queen Street West), doors at 8pm, cover is $5.

If you’re not interested in being dis gal’s Valentine, there are lots of other beauties on the auction block (I know almost all the gals, they’re pretty saucey). As for you ladies out there looking to buy a man-whore, I know almost all the guys being auctioned as well, and they are SEXY MO-FO’S! There’s even two professional athletes on the auction block, one from Toronto Rock (that’s our pro lacrosse team) and another from the Toronto Argonauts (pro football team, CFL)!

To top it off, there’ll be a live performance by Indie Music Week champions Tiny Danza.

It’s going to be a really fun night, even if you don’t want to bid, you can at least come say hi and introduce yourself! We’ll clink glasses and talk about graff!

And you’ll get to watch me sell-out for a fiver.

#Win


Just In Time

 the horseshoe moustache is thankfully gone now (this photo of us was taken during Movember), so at least  my chin can take a break this weekend.

Enjoy your weekend (and all the rug-burns that comes with it), munchkins!


i wear my heart around my throat

jarvis took this photo of my heart necklace. i’m not sure why.


i’ve got love for you if you were born in the 80s

 on valentines day, NOW magazine had all these virgin mobile inserts you see here inside each copy. like little love/hate notes to give to your loved one/breaking-up-with one. so my friend andrew and i were hanging at Tequila Bookworm, picking out leaflet after leaflet from the NOW stack and just blowing these cards away at each other. we were literally pissing with laughter, i think the other tables thought us mad. great way to blitzkrieg the afternoon.

 that convenience store crack is a reference to a convo andy and i were having about this author i know. she’s japanese and sold her book to a publisher that used to buy only korean authors, but they changed the name of their publishing house so instead of “korean” it now says “variety.” so andrew quipped that it sounds like she sold her book to a convenience store. i PMSL. mostly because i hate her writing. she’s a nice lady, but her voice is trite and her talent is questionable. rant over. testing testing is this thing on?

this last one, he decided to write a sincere, nice one. 
awww. happy valentine’s bud. 
speaking of valentines, i was hanging out one-on-one with a man that i’ve kinda been playing a dance with for a little while now, ever since i saw him in a play and told him i liked his performance. then he got back to me and we kinda started talking. no big deal, but i guess something started to take hold, because he wanted to yap over coffee. so we did and it was lovely. super cool guy, we were having a nice long chat about theatre and life in toronto versus life in london (he lived there toooooooo!) and craigslist’s missed connections section, when this kid at the next table, who couldn’t have been more than 22, got up, interrupted us, and said, “i overheard your conversation about people in toronto not talking to anyone and about all the missed connections, so i thought i’d ask you out. i like your style.”

and i just look at the man sitting across from me, and then to the boy with the stretched earlobe piercings flopping down to his shoulders, and wanted to stab myself with a fork.

“ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn…” is i think what came out of my mouth. i was rendered absolutely speechless.

MOR.TI.FIED.

i couldn’t exactly say, “i’m with this man, sorry,” because we were just meeting for an innocent cuppa and i didn’t know if he’d freak out if i used him as an excuse (although he did tell me later that i could’ve said that, dammit). and the kid just wouldn’t stop trying to chat me up right in front of my coffee-partner! AWKWARD.

i took the kids number in an effort to get rid of him and to shut him up, nonetheless he wanted to stay and talk ignoring that i was clearly with someone else.

i guess that’s what i get for shooting my mouth off loud enough for people to hear.

anyhoo, the man in question and i moved cafes to another joint, and talked for about 3 hours. then he invited me to his one-man show over the weekend. it was actually more of a cabaret style performance. great showtunes and songs, piano music, stories and anecdotes about love, french pastries and wine, art on the walls, it was really something.

and his personal stories….they were funny, they were poignant….i got a little emotional.

during intermission, his old school teacher, who was sitting next to me, hovers over me and asks in a sing-songy voice, “are you his girlfriend?!”

i think i replied something along the lines of “ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn….”

you see this here passport. i’ve blogged about this several times before. bought the passport back in september when it first got started.

 AND LOOKY WHO JUST COMPLETED IT! in truth, most of the work was done in october, i was going to a new cafe like EVERY DAY in october cuz i was house sitting for max in parkdale and could just hop on my bike wherever i wanted when i was bored and enjoy a free cuppa with this pass. 
so favourite cafe discoveries? most of them were in the east end, a place most torontonians, for some reason, stay away from. go east, people, that place is hyyyype. 
these places got tops marks for vibe, atmosphere, friendliness, inspiring cozy decor, and of course, they’re top roasters.
Scraping the barrel shits on the list:
Cafe 260, Ground Level Cafe, Bisogno Cafe, Crema Coffee, Red Rocket Coffee (on Wellesley), and Linuxcaffe.
why were these ones the pitts? mostly because, although competent roasters, i didn’t like the vibe or sense of community (lack thereof) of the cafes. some cafes, although with nice decor inside and situated in good locations, don’t exactly have a nice, cosy, creative, inspiring vibe to them. they’re just kinda soul-less. linuxcaffe however, has a great vibe, but it’s on the shits list because my computer was hacked whilst using their unsecure-no-password-free-wifi (dude who hacked it sent me an email from my email account telling me he’d hacked it). mayjah stock plummeted as a result. 
 the indie coffee passport expires march 31st, so if you’re so inclined, there’s still time to buy one (from any of the cafes participating in it) and see for yourself. discover a new cafe. try a new drink. see if you can complete the passport like i did. toward the end of my indie coffee passport journey, every barista was inspecting my card and going “wow. this is the fullest card i’ve seen yet. you’ve checked out some great places.” 
damn straight. buzz is they’ll do this passport dealie again  next fall. suggest your favourite indie cafe to be added to the list!
oh sacha, behave.
again, another one of my tweets has gone viral. a few days ago, when the libyan clusterfuck hindenburg’d tripoli and gaddafi took to the airwaves for his shitstorm speech that bored everyone to death, i tweeted this. as you can see, it was RT’d 245 times within a few hours. i swear, sometimes the power of the internet surprises and shocks me. you say something, and if you have enough people paying attention, your ideas can reach out far beyond your initial estimation.
anyway, Gaddafi, you’re so old, you look like a klingon taking a shit. 

it’s my birfday this week oh gawd i’m turning thirrrrrrrrrrrty. you know, the only thing i don’t like about turning 30 is the way it sounds. people don’t like admitting their age because they don’t like how it sounds to others, but really, on the inside, i feel great. i actually ENJOY getting older. life feels more immediate. when i younger i was wracked with insecurities and i took so much for granted. now that i’m older, my problems are deeper, but i’m better equipped to handle them. i’m also filling each day with as much as i can, trying to enjoy all the people and the experiences that come into my life. people lie about their age because they’re worried about how OTHER people will perceive them and their station in society. but i know i look great (no wrinkles, no gray hair!), that most people mistake me for early twenties, that i haven’t lost my youthful vigour and enthusiasm, and i can’t imagine anything that will.
that being said, I am still technically 29 until March 2nd, dammit.
so i had a boozy brunch at the Gladstone Hotel to celebrate the milestone.

 sacha, dan and jonathan (& son Jacob)

so i was a bit worried at first that the 20-person-table i reserved at the Gladstone wouldn’t be filled because everyone kept bailing on me at the last minute (one of my friends actually messaged me to say he couldn’t make it because he had to “go to the gym.” people are such tools). but slowly the place started to fill with all of my lovely mates and we ended up having such a great time…until….

 teresa, kelly, and mads

…..i’ve mentioned in a previous post how there was this guy, this really ugly-sex guy that i made out with at sofi’s party a couple weeks ago, and how i’d probably have to start avoiding his calls, and texts. boy have i ever. not only has the dude been incessantly leaving me voicemails, or texting me, but he’s also been leaving me so many FB messages.

“hey sexy how are you?”
“hey what’s going on gorgeous?”
“have i told you how beautiful you are yet today?”

barf. i mean, these types of messages would be welcome if they weren’t from someone who looked like if you told him to go fuck himself, he’d give it a shot.

dude is terrifying.

and you would think that after all of his messages that i’ve been ignoring, he’d read between the lines and TAKE  A HINT but no.
 if the situation were reversed, and i kept texting and calling and FB messaging some guy with no response, i’d be labeled a “needy, desperate chick.” but when a guy does it, he’s just “assertive.’

joel, max, and reg

plus, it’s not like i can be at all flattered by his attention, seeing as how i’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been sending the exact same messages to other girls that he fancies. dude got out of  a relationship recently, is obviously hurting, and now wants to be a man-whore with whoever he can find. but he probably shouldn’t be doing it with people who KNOW his ex-girlfriend.

so during the course of my boozy-brunch, when i’m having such a great time with my friends, and catching up, and being all squealy (i’m a squealer), guess who AMBUSHES it.

 sofi and patrick!

the look on my face clearly was one of shock and utter horror. WHO DOES THAT? who shows up, unannounced and clearly uninvited to someone’s birthday for the sole purpose of ambushing them. oh you won’t answer my desperate messages? guess i’ll go ruin your birthday!

and seeing as how we have some mutual friends (they’re MY friends, and his acquaintances-not-really), and they don’t know that he aggressively tried it on with me, they all starred at me when he arrived, wondering what the fuck he was doing there. and clearly when my look of oh-fuck-now-i-have-a-situation-on-my-hands burned across my cheeks, they probably knew something was up, and i will now hafta field some uncomfy questions.

 KEITH YOU RULE AT PHOTOBOMBS! oh hai jess and soph!

i was angry, i was mortified, but mostly i wanted to clobber him. if i had done that to a boy who was ignoring my texts, i’d be seen as a crazy psycho stalker.

so when most of my friends had left, he pulled me aside and asked “why are you ignoring meeeeeeeeee?”  wah wah wah, i’ll call the waaaaaaaaaaaambulance, dude.

do you really think you’re irresistable, you twat.

so in my most gentle voice that i usually reserve for 4-year-olds, i told him that getting it on with some bloke who used to date a girl i know isn’t for me. again, i assumed that by telling him this, he could read between the lines that I’M NOT INTERESTED. you are a douchey imbecile of the lowest order and you behave like a wife-beater.

instead, a few hours later after leaving, he sends me this FB message:

It was great to see you today. That dress looks exquisite on you, and makes your skin look delicious.

Thanks for filling me in, I must say I was disappointed I never heard from you. I was really excited to see you.

Anyway shhhhh…. discretion is the key:) I think your super sexy, wicked smart, and I like your style girl.

All the best babe.

regurgitate! regurgitate!
we bring up all the food we ate!
vee-ohh-emm-eye-teee
VOMIT

 that’s the crazy stalker ugmo ambusher. blurred for his anonymity and to protect his privacy. grossssss.

so i wrote back angrily and said that i’m glad we cleared things up, BUT MY BIRTHDAY WAS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO DO IT, you ruined my day.

ass.

and i don’t drink. ever. anyone who knows me, knows that i don’t touch alcohol. it’s just not my thing. but keith bought me a shot. so i downed it.

grant me patience. but please hurry.

i went to the press screening for Funkytown, a Canadian film in both english and french about montreal in the 1970s during the golden days of disco, and how different lifestyles of excess lead to the destruction of some, and the career-catapult for others. it stars Patrick Huard from Bon Cop Bad Cop fame. i think what i really liked about this film is it accurately portrayed the montreal that i grew up in (although i wasn’t alive in the 70s, the 80s did look and feel a lot like this). i really miss my life in quebec. just hearing the quebecois accent made me all giggly and googly-eyed.
and now i wanna watch Lance et Compte.

anyhoo, watch the Funkytown trailer here:

i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. now i’m definitely headed to NYC at the end of March.

epic win


>i’ve got love for you if you were born in the 80s

>

 on valentines day, NOW magazine had all these virgin mobile inserts you see here inside each copy. like little love/hate notes to give to your loved one/breaking-up-with one. so my friend andrew and i were hanging at Tequila Bookworm, picking out leaflet after leaflet from the NOW stack and just blowing these cards away at each other. we were literally pissing with laughter, i think the other tables thought us mad. great way to blitzkrieg the afternoon.

 that convenience store crack is a reference to a convo andy and i were having about this author i know. she’s japanese and sold her book to a publisher that used to buy only korean authors, but they changed the name of their publishing house so instead of “korean” it now says “variety.” so andrew quipped that it sounds like she sold her book to a convenience store. i PMSL. mostly because i hate her writing. she’s a nice lady, but her voice is trite and her talent is questionable. rant over. testing testing is this thing on?

this last one, he decided to write a sincere, nice one. 
awww. happy valentine’s bud. 
speaking of valentines, i was hanging out one-on-one with a man that i’ve kinda been playing a dance with for a little while now, ever since i saw him in a play and told him i liked his performance. then he got back to me and we kinda started talking. no big deal, but i guess something started to take hold, because he wanted to yap over coffee. so we did and it was lovely. super cool guy, we were having a nice long chat about theatre and life in toronto versus life in london (he lived there toooooooo!) and craigslist’s missed connections section, when this kid at the next table, who couldn’t have been more than 22, got up, interrupted us, and said, “i overheard your conversation about people in toronto not talking to anyone and about all the missed connections, so i thought i’d ask you out. i like your style.”

and i just look at the man sitting across from me, and then to the boy with the stretched earlobe piercings flopping down to his shoulders, and wanted to stab myself with a fork.

“ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn…” is i think what came out of my mouth. i was rendered absolutely speechless.

MOR.TI.FIED.

i couldn’t exactly say, “i’m with this man, sorry,” because we were just meeting for an innocent cuppa and i didn’t know if he’d freak out if i used him as an excuse (although he did tell me later that i could’ve said that, dammit). and the kid just wouldn’t stop trying to chat me up right in front of my coffee-partner! AWKWARD.

i took the kids number in an effort to get rid of him and to shut him up, nonetheless he wanted to stay and talk ignoring that i was clearly with someone else.

i guess that’s what i get for shooting my mouth off loud enough for people to hear.

anyhoo, the man in question and i moved cafes to another joint, and talked for about 3 hours. then he invited me to his one-man show over the weekend. it was actually more of a cabaret style performance. great showtunes and songs, piano music, stories and anecdotes about love, french pastries and wine, art on the walls, it was really something.

and his personal stories….they were funny, they were poignant….i got a little emotional.

during intermission, his old school teacher, who was sitting next to me, hovers over me and asks in a sing-songy voice, “are you his girlfriend?!”

i think i replied something along the lines of “ewm…erm…i…i…i…waa…..uh…orm…..flerrrrn….”

you see this here passport. i’ve blogged about this several times before. bought the passport back in september when it first got started.

 AND LOOKY WHO JUST COMPLETED IT! in truth, most of the work was done in october, i was going to a new cafe like EVERY DAY in october cuz i was house sitting for max in parkdale and could just hop on my bike wherever i wanted when i was bored and enjoy a free cuppa with this pass. 
so favourite cafe discoveries? most of them were in the east end, a place most torontonians, for some reason, stay away from. go east, people, that place is hyyyype. 
these places got tops marks for vibe, atmosphere, friendliness, inspiring cozy decor, and of course, they’re top roasters.
Scraping the barrel shits on the list:
Cafe 260, Ground Level Cafe, Bisogno Cafe, Crema Coffee, Red Rocket Coffee (on Wellesley), and Linuxcaffe.
why were these ones the pitts? mostly because, although competent roasters, i didn’t like the vibe or sense of community (lack thereof) of the cafes. some cafes, although with nice decor inside and situated in good locations, don’t exactly have a nice, cosy, creative, inspiring vibe to them. they’re just kinda soul-less. linuxcaffe however, has a great vibe, but it’s on the shits list because my computer was hacked whilst using their unsecure-no-password-free-wifi (dude who hacked it sent me an email from my email account telling me he’d hacked it). mayjah stock plummeted as a result. 
 the indie coffee passport expires march 31st, so if you’re so inclined, there’s still time to buy one (from any of the cafes participating in it) and see for yourself. discover a new cafe. try a new drink. see if you can complete the passport like i did. toward the end of my indie coffee passport journey, every barista was inspecting my card and going “wow. this is the fullest card i’ve seen yet. you’ve checked out some great places.” 
damn straight. buzz is they’ll do this passport dealie again  next fall. suggest your favourite indie cafe to be added to the list!
oh sacha, behave.
again, another one of my tweets has gone viral. a few days ago, when the libyan clusterfuck hindenburg’d tripoli and gaddafi took to the airwaves for his shitstorm speech that bored everyone to death, i tweeted this. as you can see, it was RT’d 245 times within a few hours. i swear, sometimes the power of the internet surprises and shocks me. you say something, and if you have enough people paying attention, your ideas can reach out far beyond your initial estimation.
anyway, Gaddafi, you’re so old, you look like a klingon taking a shit. 

it’s my birfday this week oh gawd i’m turning thirrrrrrrrrrrty. you know, the only thing i don’t like about turning 30 is the way it sounds. people don’t like admitting their age because they don’t like how it sounds to others, but really, on the inside, i feel great. i actually ENJOY getting older. life feels more immediate. when i younger i was wracked with insecurities and i took so much for granted. now that i’m older, my problems are deeper, but i’m better equipped to handle them. i’m also filling each day with as much as i can, trying to enjoy all the people and the experiences that come into my life. people lie about their age because they’re worried about how OTHER people will perceive them and their station in society. but i know i look great (no wrinkles, no gray hair!), that most people mistake me for early twenties, that i haven’t lost my youthful vigour and enthusiasm, and i can’t imagine anything that will.
that being said, I am still technically 29 until March 2nd, dammit.
so i had a boozy brunch at the Gladstone Hotel to celebrate the milestone.

 sacha, dan and jonathan (& son Jacob)

so i was a bit worried at first that the 20-person-table i reserved at the Gladstone wouldn’t be filled because everyone kept bailing on me at the last minute (one of my friends actually messaged me to say he couldn’t make it because he had to “go to the gym.” people are such tools). but slowly the place started to fill with all of my lovely mates and we ended up having such a great time…until….

 teresa, kelly, and mads

…..i’ve mentioned in a previous post how there was this guy, this really ugly-sex guy that i made out with at sofi’s party a couple weeks ago, and how i’d probably have to start avoiding his calls, and texts. boy have i ever. not only has the dude been incessantly leaving me voicemails, or texting me, but he’s also been leaving me so many FB messages.

“hey sexy how are you?”
“hey what’s going on gorgeous?”
“have i told you how beautiful you are yet today?”

barf. i mean, these types of messages would be welcome if they weren’t from someone who looked like if you told him to go fuck himself, he’d give it a shot.

dude is terrifying.

and you would think that after all of his messages that i’ve been ignoring, he’d read between the lines and TAKE  A HINT but no.
 if the situation were reversed, and i kept texting and calling and FB messaging some guy with no response, i’d be labeled a “needy, desperate chick.” but when a guy does it, he’s just “assertive.’

joel, max, and reg

plus, it’s not like i can be at all flattered by his attention, seeing as how i’ve heard through the grapevine that he’s been sending the exact same messages to other girls that he fancies. dude got out of  a relationship recently, is obviously hurting, and now wants to be a man-whore with whoever he can find. but he probably shouldn’t be doing it with people who KNOW his ex-girlfriend.

so during the course of my boozy-brunch, when i’m having such a great time with my friends, and catching up, and being all squealy (i’m a squealer), guess who AMBUSHES it.

 sofi and patrick!

the look on my face clearly was one of shock and utter horror. WHO DOES THAT? who shows up, unannounced and clearly uninvited to someone’s birthday for the sole purpose of ambushing them. oh you won’t answer my desperate messages? guess i’ll go ruin your birthday!

and seeing as how we have some mutual friends (they’re MY friends, and his acquaintances-not-really), and they don’t know that he aggressively tried it on with me, they all starred at me when he arrived, wondering what the fuck he was doing there. and clearly when my look of oh-fuck-now-i-have-a-situation-on-my-hands burned across my cheeks, they probably knew something was up, and i will now hafta field some uncomfy questions.

 KEITH YOU RULE AT PHOTOBOMBS! oh hai jess and soph!

i was angry, i was mortified, but mostly i wanted to clobber him. if i had done that to a boy who was ignoring my texts, i’d be seen as a crazy psycho stalker.

so when most of my friends had left, he pulled me aside and asked “why are you ignoring meeeeeeeeee?”  wah wah wah, i’ll call the waaaaaaaaaaaambulance, dude.

do you really think you’re irresistable, you twat.

so in my most gentle voice that i usually reserve for 4-year-olds, i told him that getting it on with some bloke who used to date a girl i know isn’t for me. again, i assumed that by telling him this, he could read between the lines that I’M NOT INTERESTED. you are a douchey imbecile of the lowest order and you behave like a wife-beater.

instead, a few hours later after leaving, he sends me this FB message:

It was great to see you today. That dress looks exquisite on you, and makes your skin look delicious.

Thanks for filling me in, I must say I was disappointed I never heard from you. I was really excited to see you.

Anyway shhhhh…. discretion is the key:) I think your super sexy, wicked smart, and I like your style girl.

All the best babe.

regurgitate! regurgitate!
we bring up all the food we ate!
vee-ohh-emm-eye-teee
VOMIT

 that’s the crazy stalker ugmo ambusher. blurred for his anonymity and to protect his privacy. grossssss.

so i wrote back angrily and said that i’m glad we cleared things up, BUT MY BIRTHDAY WAS NOT THE APPROPRIATE TIME TO DO IT, you ruined my day.

ass.

and i don’t drink. ever. anyone who knows me, knows that i don’t touch alcohol. it’s just not my thing. but keith bought me a shot. so i downed it.

grant me patience. but please hurry.

i went to the press screening for Funkytown, a Canadian film in both english and french about montreal in the 1970s during the golden days of disco, and how different lifestyles of excess lead to the destruction of some, and the career-catapult for others. it stars Patrick Huard from Bon Cop Bad Cop fame. i think what i really liked about this film is it accurately portrayed the montreal that i grew up in (although i wasn’t alive in the 70s, the 80s did look and feel a lot like this). i really miss my life in quebec. just hearing the quebecois accent made me all giggly and googly-eyed.
and now i wanna watch Lance et Compte.

anyhoo, watch the Funkytown trailer here:

i’ve scored myself a ticket to The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. now i’m definitely headed to NYC at the end of March.

epic win