"Blogging isn't journalism, it's graffiti with punctuation."

Vice

Fired Him Right In The Paycheque: my latest @VICE essay, #FHRITP

fhritpheader

 

I wrote about #FHRITP for VICE. TL;DR – dudebro comedy is a subtle art & bitches be cray. Pffft. Females, amirite?

#Satire

Click here or click on the above image to read it.

The piece is being received very well, it’s one of the most popular on the VICE network.

fhritp most popularIt’s great to see how responsive people are to this, so I’m well chuffed. I told my editor I was worried the satire therein might fall flat & people would think I was condoning #FHRITP. Lesson learned: never assume your audience won’t get it. Oh they get it.

Fanks for getting it, munchkins. YOU ARE THE WIND BENEATH MY WINGS.

Check out my VICE category for all of the other essays I have written for them.

And don’t forget to check out my freshly-pressed ChristineEstima.com for more writing samples and links to my published works.

NewWEbSite!

 


Check out my latest @VICE essay: #ByeFelipe

vicebyefelipe

 

Click on the above image or click here to read my latest essay in VICE about a douchecanoe that I knew for only 2 hours TWELVE YEARS AGO and wouldn’t piss off, so I lost my shit on him. It’s probably my greatest #ByeFelipe triumph.

This serves as a reminder, ladies, when a Yoko Brono uses the term “spinster,” it actually opens up a rift in the Space-Time Continuum to 1915.

So if you’ll excuse me, I need to jump in my autogyro and head to Constantinople to meet with the King of Siam. Hope he’s not a Bolshevik!

And dudes, here’s your takeaway: if you don’t want to be written about, you should have behaved better.

Check out my VICE category for all of my other essays that have been published in VICE.

Enjoy!

And remember to check out the all-new ChristineEstima dot com! It’s where you’ll find all of my published works!

NewWEbSite!


My latest #VICE essay: Don’t ask me to kill your cat, m’kay?

vicecat

This actually happened to me earlier this month, and I’m still actually really upset about this incident, but my editor at VICE suggested I write about it, so here it is. I AM FILLED WITH RAGE-AHOL. And also sad-sniffles. I mean, who does something like that? I totally lost my shit.

FUCK HER.

FUCK HER FOREVER.

Anyway, fanks for reading and for the support. Check out my past VICE essays and op-eds all here.

And don’t forget to check out ChristineEstima dot com for all of my previous publications and other fancy-schmancy shit that I get up to.

NewWEbSite!


My latest essay in @VICE: Live by the gun, die by the gun

vice4thstory

Check out my latest essay in VICE, all about the scary shit you can find when you Google your family. I remember Kevin Bacon once said in an interview that when you Google yourself, it’s called Google-bating (like masturbating but with Google). Yeah.

See, this is the problem with newspapers putting their archives online. This was a total mindfuck for me. Family secrets! ARABIC FAMILY SECRETS!

Click here or click the above image to read the essay.

You may have noticed this blog is missing from navigation tabs above. I used to have “about me,” “media coverage,” and “writing portfolio” tabs up in the header. If you want to see all the splendiforous things I’ve done, you’ll now have to visit…

CHRISTINEESTIMA DOT COM

NewWEbSite!

There you’ll find an IMPROVED “About Me,” a FANCY-SCHMANCY “Writing Portfolio,” and a SUPER SWAG “Media Coverage.”

Don’t forget to update your links.

Fanks for reading, munchkins.


My latest VICE essay: Germany’s flea markets have a dirty little secret

vicethird

You guys know I’m a huge flea market nut. I’ve blogged about the stuff I’ve found before. But the flea markets I used to patron in Germany when I lived there (specifically Cologne and Berlin) all carried lots of Nazi junk, which for a Canadian, is not something you ever get used to seeing. In this piece, I talk about the disturbing nature of these pieces, and also how they have affected me.

I feel like our morbid interests aren’t inherently good or bad. It’s what we do with those interests that’s important … I think learning from this stuff is a positive thing.

Click here or on the above photo to read it.

I took all of the photographs featured in the piece. The one of the framed monochrome photographs on a mantle is actually in my bedroom. Those couples just look so happy!

If you missed it, read my last VICE essay about my stint on reality TV, or my first VICE piece about my wicked-awesome eyebrows.

Fanks for reading, munchkins.


Confessions of a Reality TV Whore: A Cautionary Tale

vicesecond1

Check out my latest essay in VICE, about the clusterfuck that is reality TV, and how I shit-talked my way onto not one, but two of ’em. Click the above image or click here to read.

If you missed it, here’s my VICE essay from last week about my bushy fucking demon-eyebrows.

Like last week, my essay is one of the most popular on the Vice network.

mostpopularvice

 

Fanks for reading, munchkins!


The Brow Game: my latest essay published in Vice

vicecanada
I have had so many interactions with people lately based solely on the furry situation happening north of my eyes that I thought I’d write an entire think-piece on it. I sold it to Vice because, as you know, they love a good eyebrow think-piece. I mean, who doesn’t? Amirite? Click on the above image, or click here to read it.

I’ve been reading Vice since 1998 and am a long-time subscriber, so it’s nice to be included in their canon. Back then the only place in Toronto you could get Vice was in the entryway to Suspect Video at the first of the month, and you had to scramble because everyone was snatching them up. When I was living in London, I found a record shop on D’Arblay Street in Soho that stocked Vice waaay in the back, so you wouldn’t know they had it unless you were a regular.

I remember years ago reading this particular Don’t from their Do’s & Don’ts section and pissing myself with laughter. Satire at its finest!

vicedon't

You laughed. Admit it.

buzzfeed
Looks like Buzzfeed got wind of it.

mostpop

And it was one of the Most Popular articles on Vice too. Not too shabby.

I’m getting lotsa great comments from women on this piece … and lotsa “fuck-your-eyebrows-and-fuck-you” comments from aggro white dudebros.

Hail Hydra.