Today I was interviewed on Montreal’s CJAD 800 talk radio about my reality tv experiences. You can listen in full by clicking the soundcloud above or clicking here
This blog always gets a lot of traffic this time of year because one of the tv shows in which I was cast, First Dates, always premieres a new season around this time. And then this old blog post of mine suddenly is getting a bajillion hits.
After the clusterfuck of death and rape threats died down, and I left the UK for good, I wrote about my experiences for VICE, in a piece which went viral around the world. Seeing as how the producers of First Dates had a duty of care but failed to care for my well-being and best interests, writing this piece seemed to me the quickest way to get to the truth.
This piece regularly makes the rounds every year, and host Natasha Hall of CJAD read it and invited me on for a quick chat. It was a joy to speak to her, her and her producer were lovely and I would gladly go back on if/when invited
Fanks for listening to the interview and for the support, munchkins.
As always, don’t forget to visit the official Christine Estima dot com for more of my interviews on TV, radio, and print!
In two days, on May 1st, I am leaving London permanently. I’ve been living here on-and-off for the past seven years, and it’s finally time to move on. I will spend a couple days in my old stompin’ grounds of Brussels (SO EXCITED) and Amsterdam (ZOMG), and then will spend about a month in Copenhagen before settling in Berlin in June. This route is almost the EXACT same route I took in 2006 when I was backpacking around Europe (I’m skipping Luxembourg… because, ew).
Anyway, I’ve had quite the journey here in London in the last year, and here are my greatest hits! These are experiences that I couldn’t have had anywhere else in the world. They are unique to London, are very London-centric, and I am all the more richer for having been a part of them:
#1 Obviously, being cast in a TV show
I beat out over 14,000 other applicants from across the UK to appear in the massively-popular documentary series First Dates on Channel 4. I was featured in the premiere episode which millions of people tuned in to see, and was also in the commercial advert for the show:
Read my blog post about my experience here!
But here’s something I haven’t really talked about on here… I was cast in a movie too. I can’t give you any details, but here’s a jolly photograph of me in full costume.
I had to sit in the makeup chair every day for an hour. That’s not a wig, it’s my hair. They curled it, teased it, sprayed it and pinned it, and then had to stitch that hat to my hair. Also, I had to be sewn into that dress. 16th century MADNESS.
When it comes out next year, I’ll let you know.
#2 Getting to climb atop the O2 Arena for free and singing Christmas carols with an entire choir at the summit!
Normally, the “Up at the O2” climb is a pretty expensive adventure activity, but I was asked to do it by the organizers of a social media website, so I got to climb to the summit for free! And the view of London from up there was spectacular! I felt like I was had literally just climbed on top of the world. I had to look down to see heaven. Read my blog post about that experience here!
#3 Speaking at the inaugural Best of Spark London live-storytelling event
(Up on stage at Spark London! I’m 3rd from the right.)
I was invited by the organizers of Spark London, a weekly event here in London where people tell true stories live in front of an audience, to speak at their very first Best of Spark London event! It was a huge honour and I was so glad to take part! You can listen to my story on their podcast of the night here. I’m the first speaker in the podcast, so you don’t have to scroll through the audio to find me! You can read my blog post about that event here.
#4 Seeing the London Symphony Orchestra perform live at Royal Albert Hall on New Years!
I won a contest (huzzah!), and was treated to tickets to see the amazing London Symphony Orchestra in concert as they performed the soundtrack to The Artist live as the film played in the background at the sumptuously-ornate institution of the Royal Albert Hall. Oh the things I get to do for free…. That crossed off three things on my bucket list: seeing the LSO in concert, attending a performance at the RAH, and doing something spectacular in London for New Years! Read my blog post about that incomparable experience here.
#5 Participating in the Inside/Out Project at Somerset House, and meeting street-art-superstar JR!
As you all know by now, street art is MY JAM. I love that shit. I eat that shit up. And I’ve been photographing the work of French artist-superstar JR for years around the world with his Inside-Out Project. So when I heard it was coming to Somerset House, I had to take part! I stood in line for 2 hours to get my photo taken, and it was then pasted down on the Somerset House grounds. When I noticed JR just chilling nearby, I went over, and we had a lovely chat. He was totally humble and cool!
Read my blog post about that experience here!
#6 Dining at the super-secret Gingerline nomadic restaurant!
Here’s something I haven’t talked about at all on here, because Gingerline is SO SUPER SECRETIVE that they ban you from talking about it on social media for at least a month after you have attended the experience. Well, I attended the Gingerline in February, so I think I’m good to go now.
So, last year I read on Londonist.com about the Gingerline, a dining experience that is so secretive, you don’t even really know what you get for the ticket price. All I knew was that they were fully booked for months, so I bought my ticket FIVE MONTHS in advance!
Here’s how it works: You buy a ticket, not knowing where the restaurant is or what you will experience when you get there. On the night of the event around 6pm, you have to make sure you are at one of the stations on the London Overground line (the name “Gingerline” refers to the Overground, as it is coloured ginger on the tube map). At 6pm, and not a minute before, they text you the location of the event. You have exactly one hour to hop on the Overground and get to the location, as they lock the doors at 7pm!
I got there on time, and this is what I walked in to…
This basement in a non-descript empty building in the Haggerston area had been transformed into a spaceship with super-sexy-1960s flight attendants with ginger hair from the planet Gingerline!
There was a huge piece of ginger root in that centre display there. APROPOS.
My table looked like a Star Trek console!
Nah, it’s where the flight attendants would inject you with ALCOHOL.
TV panels advised us of our “flight status” and ‘takeoff’ and “landing” hahahah.
They handed us our meals through the port-holes above our heads!
Here was the awesome menu!
And of course, the whole experience had to be seen through 3D glasses.
I met some awesome people there too!
This was their take on the in-flight safety manual!
LOL at “interphalangial.”
Of course we started a conga-line… which involved a lot of “slut-dropping.” If you don’t know what a “slut-drop” is … just … never you mind.
You go girl.
The artificial gravity unit was operational for me, thank fuck.
Yes, Intergalactic Ginger Mom.
Anyway, it was a great experience, and even though the tickets were £50, which is really too rich for my blood (and out of my budget, ahh!), I decided that even poor lasses like me deserve some kind of quality of life. So this was my one and only splurge for February. I can live with that, and I feel like I got my money’s worth! Highly-recommended if you love the thrill of a surprise!
So there you have it, munchkins! My wonderful life in London is coming to a close, but I know that my adventures in Copenhagen and Berlin will be just as wonderful and splendid and exciting. Because life is unpredictable . . . and I wouldn’t have it any other way. There are so many reasons to love London, but life is too short to spend it all in one place.
As one last parting glance at my London home, here is a short film that I made about London’s thrilling street art and graffiti scene.
I hope I never fucking see you again.
As I previously blogged, the second season of First Dates has come to an end, and the entire cast was on hand this past weekend to celebrate it in full-London style at Café de Paris in the heart of Piccadilly Circus. It was such a trip to have been cast in this television show. I found out recently that over 14,000 people applied to be on the show this year, and I was one of 50-some-odd people to make the final cast. That really is humbling. And also, a small source of pride:)
Here are some photos of me bonding with the rest of the cast from the omni-shambolic clusterfuck that was the all-night Wrap Party! In the above photo, it’s me and my harem of bearded men. Jonathan, Ralph, my date Paul, and Steve. I’m sure all of you have already seen my episode (the premiere episode, of course!), but if you want to see the rest of the series starring these lovely lads, be sure to watch them on 4oD!
Me and date Paul. You see, people? Despite what some audiences thought when they watched our date, Paul and I actually got on like gang-busters. We are great mates and we have nothing but love and high-fives for each other. I’m not gonna lie, throughout the wrap party, there may or may not have been some crotch-grabbing on our parts. YOU HEARD ME.
Of course, it wouldn’t have been a party unless Paul and Steve rubbed their beards ALL UP IN MY GRILL.
Here’s Mo (who was also in the premiere episode with me) and Corinne, who was featured in 3 episodes and, memorably, was reduced to tears by the infamous Rajan. Mo is such a great guy, we had such a great time getting to know each other at the party. We’re both Middle Eastern so having this experience was important to us, to show that not all Arabs are terrorists! We can be LUVAS too, ya know. As for Corinne, there was a bit of drama at the party, which I won’t get into here, so that’s probably why in this and the below photo, she’s pulling quite odd and awkward faces.
Back to the party! There’s Chloe, who also was featured in the premiere episode with me. Remember her dog Bentley? Aw bless. The doggie stole the show.
And there’s Saniya. Who could ever forget her hilarious comment about Mo and, uh, spaghetti. I’m still not sure I understand it.
SNOGGING STEVE. My life is complete.
Sarah Jayne, as you’ll remember from the First Dates commercial, was looking for her Prince Charming. Jonathan, the Alan Carr doppleganger, was on the hunt for a more ‘seasoned’ lady. They were such fun at the party 🙂
And that’s a wrap, people! Thank you for watching and for your support! It was quite an unforgettable experience, and it reminded me that life is always full of surprises, as long as you keep allowing them in. There is never, ever, any excuse in this life to be bored. This chapter is closed. Onto the next!
And let me tell you, from what I’ve got planned, the next chapter in my life is going to be something else.
Just you wait.
So remember when I did that lil’ documentary series called First Dates? It aired last month, and the series is still on the airwaves until April. Well, once the show goes off the air, there will be Wrap Party here in London and you are invited. It will be at Café de Paris (between Piccadilly Circus and Leicester Square) on 12 April, and all the info you need to get on the list and into the par-tay is on the above poster. Most of the cast (including this wee Canadian lass) will be there, so join us in toasting our horrible, horrible flirting skills.
You’ll get to see more of my winning facial expressions like this:
… and this!
(in all honesty, this above facial expression is how i feel about dating in general, hahaha!)
There will be laughter…
…and if not, you’ll be at home on your laptop, wishing you join in on the par-tay.
You can get a taste of my horrible flirts in the commercial for the show, below. So come on down, London, and watch me buy things myself. See ya on the 12th.
I’ve been sitting on this news since OCTOBER you guys. I’ve hinted at it in the past, but couldn’t say a word until now. I was selected to appear in an episode of Channel 4’s documentary series First Dates, a fly-on-the-wall documentary show about singletons going on first dates in London. They’ve featured me in the commercial advertising the show, which you can watch above.
My episode, where I went on a lovely date with Paul, will air this Wednesday, February 12th at 10pm on Channel 4 in the UK and Ireland. After, it will be available to watch online on 4oD. I’m afraid it won’t be broadcast internationally, nor is 4oD available internationally, so unless someone uploads a torrent of this, you won’t be able to watch it unless you live in the UK or Ireland. But hopefully a bunch of my British munchkins will watch and enjoy and share!
EDIT: They’ve also uploaded my “dating profile” to the First Dates website, check me out here!
Since the commercial started airing, I’ve been inundated with messages from people asking, “Did I just see you in a commercial for First Dates on Channel 4?!”
Haha! It’s nice to know that even though I have 2 seconds of air-time in this commercial, I’m instantly recognizable . . . The Canadian accent must be the give-away.
I’m really excited about this because I feel like I’m starting 2014 off right. First, I am invited to lecture at an academic conference, then I am invited to do a spoken word performance at Spark London (which you can listen to here on their podcast, I’m the first performer on it!) and now I’m featured on a brilliant documentary series about love.
That’s what I love about life: it is always exquisitely unpredictable, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
There are no rules to this thing, go out there and live your life, make it your own, fill it with adventure and extraordinary experiences until it’s bursting at the seams, and never look back.
Onward and upward!
today at noon (UK time, so in an hour as of this writing) i’m going to be interviewed live on BBC Radio Sheffield about feminism. i did an interview with them about 2 months back about my reality TV show When Women Rule The World and they remembered me and asked that i voice my opinion for their broadcast today….if you want to listen live, click here! (and find on the right sidebar the button that says “listen live”). if you miss it, hopefully i’ll get a copy at some point….
tune in and let me know what you think!
EDIT!!! the show is available to listen to for the next seven days. click on the above link for the BBC, and on the right sidebar, there is a tiny yellow button that says “listen again.” click on that, and then click on Rony’s Forum (if you’re listening to this later this week, make sure you’re listening to today’s show, 6th of November)….i am interviewed in the first 10 minutes.
after the interview, the producer of the show got on the line with me and said that i was a brilliant interviewee, and wondered if i’d be interested in being called on in the future for any other political discussions.
u look like a perfect fit of a girl in need of a tourniquet, but can u save me from the ranks of the freaks who suspect they could never love anyone
alright munchkins, if you wanna hang out with the cast of WWRTW (and if you’re reading this blog, chances are, you do), come rock with us saturday, 8th of november at Carbon Nightclub. here are the details:
Old Quebec Street
party starts at 9pm and goes on until we get dragged out.
those of us in the cast are hosting the night – confirmed cast members are myself, Ed, G-Range, Richard, Fenton, Myles, Karen, Desrine, Mikey, Dan and rumoured to appear are Carolina, Angela, Gemma, Lesley, Steve, Nikky, Amaan, and Lianne.
This is a guest list event so if you’re interested in attending, email firstname.lastname@example.org with full names of guests.
Music will be House and RnB with a special guest set from Fenton on the night.
Dress Code – Dress to impress.
Assholes and whack-jobs need not attend, thanks.
Hope to see you there:)
here are some previously-unreleased photos from the show as well…most from my reign as queen:
since the show has ended, i think most of the cast are settling quite nicely back into their normal lives and are loving the quietness it brings.
me, i never stop running…
i went up to newcastle this past weekend to hang out with Angela and her little boy Cameron. we had the best time together – she took me to this old-timey town called Beamish with these 1910 shops and trolleys and schoolhouses and farms, it was so cool! then we got yummy indian take-out and played with cameron and saw the latest ricky gervais flick “ghost town” and had tapas and laughed and yapped and zoomed around newcastle and durham, it was a lovely weekend of just chillin’…the snaps to prove it –
anyhoo, the weekend of chillin’ was a good precursor to the week of extreme physical torture that is walking along Hadrian’s Wall…i walked from Wallsend to….well, i was aiming for Bowness-on-Solway, and i would have made it too! but somewhere in the Walton area, near the Lanercost Priory, just 9 miles from Carlisle, disaster struck.
i was walking through these beautiful farm pastures along the path, and the mud just grew thicker and thicker…until the mud won. in front of a herd of cows, i fell backwards into a massive pile of mud and cow shit and subsequently lost a boot. the mud was so deep it just sucked it down and when i turned around i couldn’t find it. my gear was damaged by the shit and mud and i had to drag it along (with one boot on and the other foot in just a sock) through the mud and shit to the nearest farm house a few hundred yards away.
to answer your question, yes. i was crying.
what else is new.
i had walked about 65 miles in 4 days, and i was doing so well. i was so happy on this walk as well, i had been singing loudly to my MP3 player (no one was around anyway, except for random farm animals who gave me quizzical looks), and i was so near the end! only 9 miles to carlisle! and then this happened. at first, i didn’t know if i’d be able to get up out of the mud. it was sucking me down. and my backpack was weighing me down as well. i started screaming at the cows for shitting everywhere, and as i was screaming at them, they were unabashedly shitting more. then i was screaming for help, but no one was around.
so i trudged in my socks and tears through the mud and water and shit to the farmhouse.
at first i didn’t think anyone was home, so i stripped down to my birthday suit right there in the middle of the road, took out some clean clothes from inside my backpack (that backpack is so durable, no mud seeped inside. i’ve had that backpack since 2005 and i’ve taken it around the world and back again…worth every penny) and changed. as soon as i was in non-shit-stained clothes, i felt better, and tried to find some inhabitants.
as i rounded the farm, i found a kindly elder woman named Joyce. I told her of my situation and she was instantly willing to help me out. what a doll she was!
get this – not only did she give me full usage of her place to clean off my shit in the hot water basin with soapy suds and scrubbers and stuff, but she also did my laundry! she took all my ruined clothes and fired up the washing machine. she then invited me into her warm house and served me tea and cakes! and let me use her shower! she gave me clean towels and soap and everything…then to top it off, she drove me to the nearest bus stop at Lanercost Priory so i could catch the bus to Carlisle.
how sweet is she!! i was taken aback by how helpful and sweet she was. i noticed along my walk that people up north are generally nicer than londoners. or big-city-people in general. i’ve lived in big cities all my life and i guess i’m used to the rudeness and crudeness of city living. so when i was on my walk, and people would stop to talk to me on the way….i was floored! people would say hi to me as i passed, talk pleasantly about the weather, and ask me how i’m doing and where i’m from, and yadda yadda yadda. it was so nice!
so even though my gear was now ruined by the fall and i wouldn’t be able to complete the final 9 miles to carlisle, Joyce made my day. she really did.
so when i got back to london last night (as soon as i arrived in carlisle, i ran to the train station and got on the last train to london with 10 minutes to spare), i sent Joyce a big bouquet of flowers with a big thank-you note. kindness like that should not go unrewarded. nor be forgotten.
anyhoo, here are all the photos from my 4 day extravaganza across Hadrian’s Wall. enjoy!
it was so fricken cold and windy – hence the sweater, two jackets, two pairs of mitts, canadian winter boots, a massive wooly scarf, and a triumphant thumbs-up. after a few minutes of walking while carrying your life on your back, it gets pretty fucking warm pretty quickly.
RANDOM AMY WINEHOUSE LYRICS-THAT-IMITATE-LIFE MOMENT!
END OF RANDOM AMY WINEHOUSE LYRICS-THAT-IMITATE-LIFE MOMENT!
so you can see the other hikers appearing at this spot. lots of people don’t walk the entire length like i did. they just start at the sections where the wall appears…so the paths in this section are much more developed and easier to traverse.
the great thing about being all by yourself when you do this walk is – as you’re listening to your MP3 player, you can sing along really loudly and no one will hear you or give you weird looks! except for the cows maybe, who were constantly giving me quizzical looks. i think at this point i was singing either chantal kreviazuk’s “before you“(<–click to watch!) or peaches' "fuck the pain away.” (<—click to listen at your own risk!) you know. whatevs…. hey kids! do you recognize this tree? it was the setting for a famous scene in a big hollywood movie!! recognize it??
what, don’t you guys ever watch kevin costner movies?
alright fine dammit, i’ll clue you in – it was featured in that shitty 1991 movie Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. remember that scene where robin teases azeem for almost being executed because of a woman and then that kid comes running up and hides in the tree and guy of gisborne tries to kill the kid and robin but robin beats them all up and guy of gisborne goes running and then robin yells at azeem for praying instead of helping him out and azeem tells him to shut the fuck up already….best scene ever.
by the way, hadrian’s wall is nowhere near nottingham forest.
ok, i can see you don’t remember the scene, so here’s the clip from that scene. fast forward to time index 3:00 to see the beginning of the scene in question. my favourite part is when morgan freeman goes, “you whine like a mule. you’re still alive!”
these next few shots are my favourites cuz they were taken around 8am when no one else was around and the sun was breaking over the hills and the wall…and i was singing loudly to hawksley workman’s “safe & sound.”(<–click to watch me singing like a douchebag) how beautiful is that? cannot quantify
i think i was singing adele’s “cold shoulder” at this point.
here woulda been duffy’s “stepping stone“
here, i woulda been singing a perfect circle’s “judith” and pretending that i’m paz lenchantin.
stupid moo-cows. these guys where blocking the route with their shit-smellin-foulness and their hay and their general moo-ness and they kept giving me weird looks. so i went around them and got shit and mud on my boots. jerkfaces.
of course, not to be forgotten, i also made 3 videos along the walk!
enjoy this first one was made at Housesteads on my 2nd day of walking, where i got my first glimpse of the wall….i didn’t anticipate how fucking windy it would be up there, so enjoy the subtitles!
this second video was taken on my 4th day of walking, a few hours before the cow-shit-mud incident. i was somewhere near an area called Banks, and overlooking these valley’s was incredible:
this final video is pretty cool, because the RAF were inexplicably performing training exercises right above Hadrian’s Wall. so every few minutes, the roar of the Mig engines above would shock you in your stride….and scare the cows..
the excitement hasn’t ended because i’m back from the wall…my old editor at Chart Magazine back home in toronto has assigned me to interview Lily Allen later next week. i’m really lucky he’s assigned me this because 2 months ago i was supposed to interview the killers and the kaiser chiefs but had to be hospitalized a few days before the scheduled interviews because of my stupid acute tonsilitus and glandular fever…stupid life-threatening glands! so of course, the interviews didn’t go forward. but i really like flexing my music-critic-muscles every now and then, keep them fired up. interviewing rockstars used to be a weekly occurence for me back in toronto, not so much here in london, so it’s good to keep your skills up.
and i think lily allen is really talented so this should be a fun interview. i’ll give you guys all the saucy details after the fact.
soon i’ll be back in toronto. this month will be the month of grieving, of saying goodbye, of giving homage.
can’t believe i’m leaving london.
someone tie me down.
>the FINALE of When Women Rule The World, aired last night on channel 4. if you missed it, it will repeat here in the UK/Ireland on sunday on channel 4 at 2(ish)o’clock in the afternoon. and then next wednesday on E4 at 11(ish) o’clock at night.
if you live anywhere in the world and want to download the episode, click here. i’m tired of giving you download instructions, you can find them in previous blogs. or figure it out yourself.
i went over to karen’s house on monday and we spent the day together. i sat in on her dance classes, we went lightbulb shopping together, we picked aubergines from her allotment, we scoped out the venue for the party, and we had dinner together at her place….karen is an incredible woman, her life has definitely been a life-less-ordinary, she’s done so much and seen so much, and yet she’s still brimming with excitement and giddiness like a school girl. i hope to achieve half of things she has in my life, and i hope to become the woman she is naturally. and i mean, DAY-UM is she so so beautiful and hot. her butt is still in the same place it ws 20 years ago…it kills me! if i was a lesbian, i would totally tap that, all on the floor, tap that, till i get sore…..
as promised, here are the photos from last night’s finale par-tay. all the cast who live in london made an appearance (and this weekend i’m going up to newcastle to visit angela and we’ll probably try to have lunch with the director and gemma, so not a total loss). the party was held at West 5 in south ealing…ain’t no party like a homosexual party.
can you guess who wasn’t invited?
you know what rich revealed to me only last night? HIM AND I MET ABOUT 9 MONTHS PRIOR TO DOING THE SHOW TOGETHER! and i actually remember meeting him, but i didn’t remember his face….back in april of 2007, i was laptopping at my favourite café in soho called The Breakfast Club (you’ll probably find me there on most days actually) and i was chatting up this film director named Chris Klockner who was brutally hot and i was trying to mack it with. anyway, richard shows up to meet chris, and rich and i start yapping about writing, because that’s what we both do for a living. i remember sitting next to rich, looking at his cool little bite-size japanese laptop, talking about freelance agencies and what not, and then they left. i remember the meeting very clearly BUT i didn’t get a good look at richard’s face. anyway, in the first episode, when the girls meet the guys, that was the first time richard and i met again face to face. i didn’t clue in that it was him, but apparently, according to rich, he remembered me instantly. and he kept it a secret from everybody! from production, from the other boys…he never uttered a word. he wanted to reveal it on camera one day as a big thing, but he got booted out of the village so quickly he never got a chance….and for the past 10 months, he’s never said a word. and i’ve been to his house, dammit! he only revealed it last night, and i was shocked! because i remember meeting him, but i didn’t register his face!…. him and i have so much more to talk about now, he has a LOT of explaining to do.
Etiquette Eddie shows up with a dorothy perkins bag…your guess is as good as mine….
l-r: moi-même, danny, karen, rich, ed, and fenton (plus random friends in there whose names i didn’t get cuz i’m really self centered and need to pay closer attention, blah blah fucking blah).
so we watched our penultimate episode together on the club’s big plasma screen TVs….we watched the first episode together, it was only fitting that we watch the finale together.
it was so lovely to see everyone again. fenton graciously said that he thinks Karen and myself are the two women who come across the best on screen, because we really and truly were ourselves. and from most of the emails and messages i’m getting from random viewers, it’s nice to know that most of you agreed.
also we’re organizing another party on saturday 8th november at a club in Mayfair, details of which i’ll post on here as soon as everything is confirmed. the cast is set to appear at this event as well, and it’s open to the public, so show up if ya like!
so onto my impressions of the finale….
the biggest shock that morning was finding out that, unlike the previous episode which were filmed over the course of 2 days, this final episode and the winner would be chosen in one day. essentially, in one afternoon. i remember the date was approximately february 8th. and i knew we were flying back to london on february 12th, so i figured the final episode might be shot over the course of 3 days since we had all that time. instead, after we picked the winner that night, we had 3 days to decompress, lie around the hotel, sunbathe on the beach, swim in the pool with Jonesy, catch up on what was happening in the outside world, and visit some nearby villages and towns. oh and have a massive wrap party with a bonfire on the beach where everyone took off their undies and burned them in the fire! Jonesy even tore off his favourite shirt (he wore it in episode 3 of the show) and burned it in the fire. everyone was chanting BURN IT! BURN IT! BURN IT! good times.
anyway, what i remember most about this queen’s challenge was that, unlike all the previous ones, there was no tension whatsoever. we all wanted karen to wear the crown at the end, and we were all filled with such jovial emotions, especially since the end was drawing near, that we couldn’t contain ourselves and ran to into a group hug as soon as the crown was on her head. that was such a bittersweet moment. because the realization set in that there would be no more days in our village. no more challenges. no more fireworks, fights, conspiracies, tears, rushing adrenaline….it was a mixture of elation and nostalgia.
oh and that little “can i get a whoop whoop!” dance we did as karen was crowned….we did that all the time, this is the only time it was caught on camera. the other thing we always did but couldn’t ever be caught on camera was – those necklaces we always wore were our microphones, and when the sound guys wanted us to test them, we always said, “you’re the best in my eyes.” oh those cheeky sound guys, how they loved that.
i remember Ed and i talking about what we would miss the most: the sound of the crickets and beetles putting us to sleep (did i mention how big the fucking beetles were? the size of footballs, with wings, that would drop on your head at any point…or you’d look under your covers and find 12 of them canoodling in there….), the sound of the ocean waves waking us up with the dawn in the morning…and the woodpecker. there was this one woodpecker to the east of our village that had an axe to grind with one of the trees. it was a costant echo in the background. i loved that woodpecker. most of all, the stars at night. you forget, living in a big smoggy city, about the stars, and when you’re in the middle of nowhere, the constellations are all you have. Caseopeia and Orion and the dippers and the Northern Star….
Ed wanted to sleep out on the beach that last night. shit outta luck.
anyway, the naming of the village was Lady Samana…not the greatest of names. I suggested Galatea (from the ancient greek myth of Pygmalion) or Lilith (in the Torah, Lilith was Adam’s first wife who wouldn’t do what any man told her and was thusly cast out of the garden of eden)….Gemma wanted ‘no man’s land‘ which was simple and to the point, like gemma. but since we chose it during Lianne’s reign, Lianne insisted on calling it Lady Samana. blah blah fucking blah. yes, it kinda blends into Ladies Manor…whatever.
so yeah, angela suggested a wishing well be created and we all agreed. when we surveyed the well afterward, we were shocked by how fucking good it was. i couldn’t believe how deep into the ground they had tunnelled, it was like 7 or 8 feet down. i thought they must have had help doing that, with like a drill press or something, but no, all by the skin of their teeth.
what was edited out of this scene was, each of us took a Peso and before dropping it into the well, we each said a little piece about each person who had left….nikky, carolina, steve, richard (i was chosen to say something about rich, and i remember saying “rich was a kidred spirit because we were both writers. and even though him and i disagreed on many things, at the end of the day, i think he had a good heart.”), danny, lianne, mikey, fenton, and AJ, who had just left the nght before. production had flown him home right away though, so that night when we had the wrap party, he wasn’t there to join in.
my heart bleeds for him.
and that sign that says Lady Samana on it….G painted that all by himself. i dont’ know if G brags about this or not, but he’s actually a really talented visual artist. one night, he drew a charcoal portrait of me which i still have to do this day. he’s wildly creative and he should really promote that more.
anyway, onto the final sacrifices and choosing a winner….that was so so hard. i think we all knew it was going to be between G and Ed in the end. Myles was awesome and we all loved him, but, as he said last night, he wasn’t as strong a contender as the other two. but he grafted his ass off during the entire duration of the show, and has so much to be proud of. being there was really hard for him, especially because he missed his baby daughter’s first birthday to be on the show… Myles called me last night before the party. even though he’s based in manchester, he does a lot of work in london and could have come to the party, but i don’t think he cares to see most of the people from the show anymore. he gets along really well with me and a few others, but on the most part, he didn’t really click with others (which is well explored in the show), so he kept to himself last night. but after the party last night, when G was giving me a ride home, myles called G and we spoke on the phone briefly…he sounded odd. i hope he’s well. i’m gonna see him next time he comes to london, we’ll have a few beers and reminisce about our time under the dominican sun.
want another personal revelation – in this episode myles says he suspects that some of the women had been hurt before in relationships….namely, me. a few months before doing this show, i had had my heart broken by an evil male. and when you go through a breakup, you really start to question yourself. you suffer a drop in confidence, you kind of forget who you are and what your strengths are. doing this show forced me to remember my strengths, and it jump-started my healing process by forcing me to recognize all the things about myself that i like and that others respond to. so that was the greatest gift the show gave me, and i walked away from it 1000 times stronger than before.
and that evil male who broke my heart?
i can’t even remember what it was i loved about him now.
anyway, that final sacrifice was so hard for me. last night, every one in the club was yelling at me to stop crying. yes, i cried in almost every shot last night. seriously, i need to get my tear-ducts checked. even myles took his sacrifice better than i did. after myles left, the director called cut so we could set up the next shot, and Angela turned to me and said that i needed to get a grip and pull it together because “imagine how hard it is for them right now, and you’re bawling!” she was totally right, and i tried to put on a brave face.
but really, most days, i’m just a 13 year old girl, still struggling with the immediacy with life, wishing it all a dress rehearsal for a school play…and wanting to colour in my colouring books, roller blade through green parks, and hug my mummy.
as you can see, for gemma and myself, it was the toughest decision we made to vote for Ed and not G…. in the end, Ed had never given us any headaches. he never fought with us or with any of the men. he never engaged in any conspiracies, he always did what he was told, and he worked his ass off. so how could we fault a guy for doing exactly what we asked him to? but as Jonesy pointed out in the episode, Ed worked that hard because he wanted to. everything he did was on his terms. he wasn’t there to learn anything about women as rulers, because his main passion in life is the pursuit of money. he wanted £30,000, so he played the game consistently throughout in the pursuit of that.
if you go into my archives of february this year, when i returned from this experience, you’ll see what i have to say about that….namely that money does not determine what you’re worth as a person. money only provides you with expensive enough clothes to cover up the fact that you’re in love with a lie.
ed revealed to us the next day that he almost fainted in that final sacrifice. you can see him kinda fluttering on his feet. it really was a nerve-racking moment for him.
with G, he had made a significant journey, but was it lip service? since being back in london for the past 10 months, has he reverted back to his old ways? who knows. but he could have used £30,000 more than Ed…as could his son.
and with the revelation that Ed “respect us as people and as friends, rather than leaders...” oh boy did i give Ed a bollocking for that last night.
so Ed won, i cried and hugged G until my arms were sore….then we all hugged each other and cried all over the set. yadda yadda yadda.
we left the village that night. packed up our shit, threw it onto the back of a bus, and we never saw it again. it is my understanding that the village has been razed and turned back into jungle as it was before we were there.
we will never be there again.
on the bus ride back to the hotel, we all sang songs really loudly and kissed and hugged and laughed. then we had a massive party that lasted for 2 days on the hotel grounds. boy did the other tenants at the hotel hate us.
and 24 hours later, if you had asked the women if we made a mistake in choosing the winner, every single woman would have said yes.
i won’t go into details here, but a lot of shit went down and characters were revealed in those 3 days in the hotel before we flew back to london….and the women felt duped. really duped. not just by one person, but by everyone.
but to bring it back to the fun of it all – do you know how much shagging went down between the cast at the hotel? HOLY SHIT. i guess after a month of wet dreams and waking up with boners, they just couldn’t hold their wads anymore. hey, more power to ya! as long as everyone gets their jollies…
and since we came back to london, some of the cast have continued the shag-athon. if nothing else, at least most the cast used this show as an opportunity to get their kicks. of course i’m not gonna name names, but if i did, i think you’d be pleasantly surprised.
so that’s it, i guess!
if you have any questions, feel free to ask.
but for me, it’s time to go back to my life as a real person.
tomorrow i’m taking the train up to newcastle to spend the weekend with angela, and then on monday i start my walk across Hadrian’s Wall. it will take me about 5-7 days to walk from wallsend to bowness-on-solway, and i can’t wait.
there’s so much out there for this little canadian lass, and this tv show was just one mosaic in the tapestry i’m building for myself….onto other things. off to see the world. off to find passion and screaming matches and tears and fist fights and hard kisses and dancing feet and azure waters and glistening skin and toothy smiles and spilling stuff on my skirt and walking into walls and sticking my foot in my mouth and running until i run out of breath.
bring it on.
first things first, if you live in the UK/Ireland and want to watch online for free last night’s episode of when women rule the world, click here and find the episode which is labelled Thursday 16th October.
if you live anywhere in the world, and want to download last nights’ episode for free, click here.
(download instructions are easy but PLEASE FOLLOW EACH STEP EXACTLY AS I’VE LAID OUT or it won’t work…click on the episode link. it will take you to a page that asks you to fill in a 3-letter code at the top of the page,then click on download. after about a 45-second countdown, click on ‘free download’ and a prompt will ask you to either ‘open’ or ‘save’ the file. click on ‘save’ so the file will always be on your computer, then the download begins. it will take a little over an hour to download the file. once downloaded, you will require a media player à la Windows Media Player/RealPlayer/VLC Media player to view the episodes (i recommend VLC, it’s the best). if you’re media player is out of date, it won’t function. also i’ve noticed that those watching it on Windows Media Player get an odd green letter scroll at the top of the video, while on VLC there’s none, which is why i recommend watching it on VLC…)
if you’re looking to download the previous 6 episodes, scroll down into my previous blog entries, the links are clearly marked.
remember, if you live in the UK/Ireland, episode 7 of When Women Rule The World will be repeated this Sunday the 19th at 2:50pm on Channel 4, and then next Wednesday the 22nd at 11:35pm on E4.
this is gonna be another long entry munchkins, so get your snacks prepared before scrolling down!
before i launch into my impressions of episode 7, a lot of people, from random viewers to even some my close friends, have been asking me how i ended up being cast in this show. if you go back into my archives, i think december of last year and january of this year, you’ll find the answers, but just so it’s right here in front of you – here’s the full story:
it was november of 2007. my mate from toronto Sonja was staying with me for 2 weeks. we were going out every day and doing so much stuff in the city that when we’d come back to mine at night, we’d be so zonked that we’d just veg out in front of the tv or piss about on the net. so one night, i was watching old documentaries on the channel 4 website (fyi, you can watch them in full for free on there! it’s awesome!) and then i started surfing through the site, and came across this button that said something to the effect of “calling all feminists!”
so i thought, clicky clicky!
clicked on the button, and there was this call for strong, independent, women who had accomplished something in their lives to apply for this show. details were very scarce, and at the time, they were calling the show “Queen Bee” which of course was just a decoy, they didn’t want us googling the real name and finding out what the show was all about.
there was a questionnaire to fill out, it was pretty standard. just asked me questions about my life and my views on certain things. but here’s the kicker – i was totally taking the piss with my application. i was being facetious with every remark. i won’t say i wasn’t taking it seriously, but i was just having a lot of fun with it. applications can be so stuffy and boring sometimes, i just thought i’d spice it up, give ’em a laugh. i figured they’d never even read my application anyway, they were probably getting so many, i’d get lost in the jumble.
i even remember one of the questions….. it asked “why do you want to be on television?” and my answer was, i shit you not, “because i’m awesome and people love me.”
THAT was my answer.
anyhoo, it said that they were planning on filming this oh-so-secretive show in december and all applicants had to have valid passports. since i was applying in mid-november, i figured i was too late but had nothing to lose by still sending it in. so i did.
two weeks went by. Sonja and i went to Paris. came back. did more shizzle all around London, then i sent her back to toronto and started looking for another job.
then one day in early december, i think it was the first week of the month, i get a call from the researcher for the show. she said they got my application and wanted to know if was willing to come into their offices for an on-camera audition.
and i was like, uhhh, really? based on that application? well sure!
so i went in, met the two researchers for the show. they set me up in front of this one camera in this meeting room, and basically asked me the same questions that were on the application. so it wasn’t anything daunting. i guess they were just looking to see how i came across on camera, what kind of presence i had, yadda yadda yadda.
the audition lasted about 30 minutes. when we were done, they said that they had received hundreds and hundreds of applications, so just the fact that i was invited in for an audition meant i had made it past the first hurdle. they also said i had a great on-camera presence and that they’d call me the following week.
sweet. i got a little giggly and excited and skipped all the way home.
the following week came and went, and no phone call.
weeks later, by the time i was meant to fly home to toronto for christmas, i figured i hadn’t gotten it. oh well. no biggie. NEXT!
so i fly back to london in early january and start a new job at this lovely advertising agency in soho that i loved….then, as fortune likes to fuck with well-laid plans, ONE WEEK into my new position, the researchers call me up and tell me that i still have a shot at being in the show, and would i like to come back in and meet the series producer so she can assess me….
uhhh, really? are you sure? okey dokey!
so i head back to the production company’s office, and i meet again with the researchers and the series producer. we have a pleasant chat about some of the themes concerning the show (most of which they’ve been very hush-hush about. at this point, i still don’t know the name of the show, how many other cast members there are, where we’re filming it, how long we’ll be gone, and what the rules and reg’s are for the show) and afterward they ask me if i’d be willing to have them perform a police-background-check on me. well why? have i been cast in the show?
they wouldn’t answer me on that.
so yeah, do all the police-bakcground-checks you like. the next day, they had me come in again to sign some contracts and fill out more forms.
have i been cast in the show, yes or no?
“we can’t tell you that.”
the next day, they had me come in for costume fittings.
am i in the show or not! if i am, i gotta tell my boss! so you gotta tell me now!
“ok fine, you’re in the show.”
“and you’re flying out to location next week.”
Ummm, did you just say next week? next fucking week? bloody hell!
so in one week, i had to sign a whole bunch more contracts, tell my boss (who subsequently fired me….apparently being on a reality tv show doesn’t make for good business), go get jabs and immunizations and start my malaria pills, get letters of references and clean bills of health, be interviewed by a psychologist to make sure i wasn’t crazy, pay all my rent in advance, pack up my shit, and somehow cope with all these changes in such a short time!
apparently, from all my different sources, the reason i was the very last person to be cast in the show is because either a) some other girl had been cast and she withdrew so i replaced her, b) it was a toss-up between me and another girl and the production team preferred me in the end, or c) channel 4 had to approve all cast members, and the had reservations about casting a canadian gal on a british show, and concerns about whether i would relate to an all-british audience arose.
i think the likely answer is d) all of the above.
who cares in the end, i still made it!
so the night before we flew out to location (the production put us up in this swanky hotel right next to Heathrow. the rooms were the size of Tescos, we had free room service and our rooms were filled with free swag and gifts (makeup, lotions, bikinis, lingerie, bags, clothes, jewellery, and little trinkets), i still had no idea what the name of the show was, or even where we were flying to!
it was only when i got my airplane ticket in my hand did i find out we were flying to the dominican republic (via paris).
and it was only on like the first or second day of shooting (when we shot those opening sequence scenes of us gals in the gold bikinis coming out of the blue surf) that i found out the title of the show. they really kept things secretive!
i think that first week of shooting was the hardest for me. all the other girls had found out they were cast in the show months prior, and had gotten used to the idea of being on this show. i had a week to prepare myself for this, and didn’t really get a moment’s rest in that week to actually sit and digest it. so when i arrived, i was really moody. to the point of shutting down convo’s with other people, and just needing to go off on walks by myself to brood for a bit. it was really bad. the set was so massive and the crew was like 200+, like a film set really, and from what i’d heard, steve jones was a massive star in the UK (i’d never heard of him until i met him and people whispered to me who he was. i liked him instantly, he’s really friendly and funny and easy to shoot the shit with. in fact, him and gemma became really good friends during our time down there, and they still hang out sometimes. he didn’t have any of that celeb bullshit ego that you sometimes hear about [coughLIANNEcough], and worked his ass off on this show. it was only when we flew back to london that i picked up a tabloid magazine, saw his face in it, and really realized just how big a star he was). so being confronted with such a massive production, i freaked out. and as you can see, i’m not really a presence in the first few episodes, because i was getting used to the idea as we were filming. i think by the time we had built the aquaduct, i was finally finding my footing.
so anyway, we were down in the DR for about a month and were completely cut off from the outside world. the village was 5 hours outside of santo domingo and 45 minutes from the nearest town (and i use the word “town” loosely). no tv, no radio, no internet, no newspapers, no cell phones, no ipods….and to answer the most common question – yes, we actually slept in those pods!! i loved my pod! it was beautiful and spacious and more luxurious than my london flat! we slept in those pods every night and the boys slept in those bug-infested barracks every night. and despite what any other reality tv star might tell you, you NEVER forget that the cameras are around. there are camera men and sound guys mere centimetres from you, shoving lenses and booms right in your face. we didn’t have any private moments on that island, unless we purposefully ran away from the camera men.
as for the other cast mates, most of them applied like me. some were scouted as they walked down the streets, or the researchers knew of from one source or another and asked them to audition. none of us knew each other except for a few. richard and lianne had actually lived together briefly in los angeles years ago. angela claimed she sorta-recognized ed from a holiday somewhere in the south pacific years ago. mikey and fenton were actually good mates from before, having met doing the audition circuits. and danny lives in the same area as fenton, so they’d seen each other around before. fenton and angela had met steve jones before as well, but didn’t know he was the host of it until we arrived.
ok, so that covers most of the questions i’ve been asked about the show….if you want to know more, fire away!
so, back to episode 7
the shakespeare quote!! it made it into this episode!! bah! i was actually hoping they’d edit that out…but hey, the merchant of venice, just so relevant in reality tv shows, wouldn’t you say?!
i hate the way i look in those goddamn sacrifice dresses they put us ladies in. my titties look like watermelons. (hey kids! wanna talk about titties in school or in front of your parents but don’t want them to know what you’re talking about?? use one of Madame Estima’s classic titty euphemisms! in the past, we’ve given you “pleasure pillows!” and “sweater meat!” but now, we proudly present this week’s titty euphemism which is…BLOUSE BOULDERS! enjoy!)
in the beginning of this episode, you see me retreating to my pod to talk about how disgusted i am with the exchange that occured between G and Karen. i don’t know if you can tell, but half of my makeup has rubbed off. why? because, you guessed it, i cried my eyes out after that sacrifice. is there ever a time when i’m not crying on this show? even steve jones said to me that if we had to live there year-round, i’d be crying all the time. i didn’t cry because i was sad to see mikey or fenton go. on the contrary, that didn’t bother me in the slightest. it was because mikey made a disgustingly vile and derogatory comment to me (that i don’t care to repeat) which normally wouldn’t have bothered me, but because it was said in front of a crew of 200+, i was more embarrassed than anything else. as soon as mikey and fenton were off and the director called cut, the exec producer, the director, and the series producers came up to me to assure me that such abuse would not make it to air and then they just all hugged me while i cried like an idiot. the next day, desrine told me that no man should ever have the power over me to make me feel insecure enough to cry. she was absolutely right.
and for fuck’s sake chris! karen took more of a beating than i did, i really shouldn’t cry over such rubbish. and the way karen handled it was amazing. she talked her way through her problem. i sobbed. strength vs emotional-fucktard. compare and contrast!
anyway, karen called me and texted me last night to thank me for defending her in last night’s episode.
anyhoo, as for the secret meeting i held that night in my pod: you can see an open wooden chest in the room next to me as i’m addressing karen, lesley and gemma. what didn’t make it to the final cut is, i walked into my pod to find the chest there. i open it and read out a scroll which details the picnics we’ll be going on. i then run out of my pod, gather the three ladies, and inform them of what’s going on. the thing about these picnics too was that whichever guys we chose to go with us would then become our servant, and angela and desrine were the only two girls who had told me as different points that they weren’t bothered whether or not they had a servant. which is why they didn’t come along.
originally, i wanted to bring G and myles with myself and karen, but considering what had just happened, the director angelo talked me out of it, saying that would be too much for karen to handle, so i substituted G for Ed.
Ed, Myles, myself and Karen were all loaded onto this mini bus with this old dominican man who had cataracts and was wielding a sawed off shotgun for our safety. with so many bumps on the road to our destination, we were petrified the gun would go off! he was pleasant and sweet though.
we didn’t go straight to that picnic locale. i think they needed to set it up first, so they took us to the hotel where the production team was staying, and we chilled in the restaurant for a few hours. i remember us just chatting away for a few hours. i don’t remember all the details of our convos, but i think this is when i started to really get to understand Ed. somehow we got on the topic of marriage. i said i wasn’t a big supporter of marriage and he said he really wanted to get married one day. and i remember asking him, “do you think that the way we view marriage is influenced by our parent’s marriage?” he said absolutely, because his parents have been married for donkey’s years and are still madly in love, while my parents went through a messy and bitter divorce.
anyway, after a few hours of yapping, i wanted to get up and stretch my legs so i suggested someone take a walk with me down to the beach which was on the same property as the hotel. ed said he’d come with me, as karen wanted to stay and munch on more yummy snacks at the restaurant. we walked down to the beautiful beach cove and i immediately took off my flip flops ad ran toward the surf. but when the ebb hit my feet and i felt how cold it was, i squealed and came running back. ed laughed his ass off at me. i must have looked like a petrified child! we then picked up smooth stones and tried skipping them. of course he could skip them all and i could skip none! myles then came over to get us as the bus was ready to take us to the locale, and we all laughed and yapped the entire way there.
that picnic was a bit nightmarish though. i’m a vegetarian and there was barely any food there i could eat. lobster and chicken are meat, people! i also don’t drink and they were serving us fricken champagne! so i nibbled on cold potatoes. ick.
it was also really windy on that cliff so you can actually see me in most of the shots trying to hold down the tablecloth, hehe. Ed was sitting in direct sunlight too. at one point when the cameras called cut, his face was really burnt and red so i got some aloe vera from my bag, squeezed some into my palm, and very gently applied it to his face.
after Ed’s whole myles-this-is-how-i-really-feel-about-you session, the series producer asked Ed if he wanted to have a one-on-one with any of us. i thought he’d say myles, so that the two of them could hug it out or something. but he said me. and this is what was edited out of this episode:
ed and i climbed up to this really high point of the cliff which overlooked the ocean. it was really rocky and really steep. we had a long chat and again he got very emotional with me, spilling his guts about how he feels about myles and why he was doing this challenge and asking what i thought of his approach so far.
ok, it’s big-revelation-time here, munchkins. as we climbed up to the cliff, before the cameras started rolling, we very slowly and carefully approached the edge of the cliff. it was easily a 100 foot straight drop to the jagged rocks and water below, and we were wearing flimsy flip flops, so we really had to keep our balance. Ed walked up to the edge first, and i slowly followed behind him. he was looking down at the water and across the big expanse of blue before us, but i hesitated to go as close as he did. why? because i was fricken scared. so Ed reached out and took my hand to steady me. so there we were, on a cliff top, overlooking the ocean, the wind dancing in our hair, the strong hot sun slathering our skin, in an area where surely the heavens lean against the earth, delicately holding hands, fingers intertwined…..
….and i’m thinking to myself, “kiss me.”
but then he started talking and that quickly ruined the mood.
so there you have it.
anyhoo, the next day we had those one on one interrogation sessions with the boys. it quickly became obvious what a prick AJ was. all this time he had been kissing our asses and all it took was a little provocation for him to shut down and become his true asshole self. 2 months ago when i was in the hospital, he even called me then to tell me about how little respect he had for us girls and how little work he had done and how much shit he pulled behind our backs.
and i’m lying there, with tubes running in and out of my body, unable to eat or breathe or swallow to speak properly, hepped up on steroids and fucking strong antibiotics, thinking to myself, this fucking prick actually thinks this is funny, and is choosing the absolutely WRONG time to tell me this. so i manufactured some lie about my mobile phone dying and hung up on him. i hope that’s the last time i ever speak to AJ…or as we all nicknamed him – “burger nipples.”
anyway, during these interrogation sessions, we didn’t just get answers to the sabotage. we also go answers to what happened at the market, what happened with the moving of the statue, what happened with the stealing of the beer, what the men really thought of us, and what they really thought of each other. but the sabotage was foremost in our list of questions. i even remember shouting at G (some of which made it into the episode) about how he’s refusing to tell us who did it but in reality he really wants us to know. i told him we knew he was pissed off that he felt the need to cover for a bunch of wankers who, if the situation was reversed, wouldn’t have covered for him. and i think when that sunk in, he finally admitted it was mikey. i think that’s what saved him from sacrifice too.
but that was probably the easiest sacrifice night. AJ just didn’t stack up against the other 3. he wasn’t a winner. he had done nothing to make us think he was worthy of £30,000. he was just plodding along. and his final comment that “women can’t rule the world. i don’t think they can do anything” is very telling of the deep misogyny and stupidity that runs through this vacuous brain. i really hope all future potential employers/girlfriends hear that remark. seriously ladies, if you’re reading this, never sleep with that man, never give him money, never believe a word he says….that’s free advice.
so as you can see from the preview of next week’s episode, it’s the finale, and as usual, i’m bawling my eyes out. remember to watch next week thursday october 23rd at 11:10pm on channel 4 to see who wins!!
we’re having a finale party, so expect photos of that soon after the finale!
just so you all know, i have several tracking devices on my blog, and i can see what all of you are googling to find this blog.
for the dude who googled “when women rule the world christine nude pics“….all i’ve gotta say is – dream on.
>in 19th century France, workers who felt their livelihoods threatened by automation flung their wooden shoes called ‘sabots’ into the machines to stop them.
hence the term SABOTAGE.
this is gonna be a long entry munchkins, so put the kettle on.
first things first, click here to download episode 6 of When Women Rule The World. this free download is accessible to anyone in the world.
(download instructions are easy but PLEASE FOLLOW EACH STEP EXACTLY AS I’VE LAID OUT or it won’t work…click on the episode link. it will take you to a page that asks you to fill in a 3-letter code at the top of the page, then click on download. after about a 45-second countdown, click on ‘free download’ and a prompt will ask you to either ‘open’ or ‘save’ the file. click on ‘save’ so the file will always be on your computer, then the download begins. it will take a little over an hour to download the file. once downloaded, you will require a media player à la Windows Media Player/RealPlayer/VLC Media player to view the episodes. i recommend VLC, it’s the best. if you’re media player is out of date, it won’t function. also i’ve noticed that those watching it on Windows Media Player get an odd green letter scroll at the top of the video, while on VLC there’s none, which is why i recommend watching it on VLC…)
if you’re looking for the downloads for episodes 1-5, please scroll down into my previous entries. the downloads are there and are clearly marked.
as of this writing, the channel 4 free catch-up website is down, so in the meantime, click here to visit the official WWRTW website with their overview of last night’s episode.
EDIT!! – the free catch-up website is back up, click here to view all the previous episodes. episode 6 is labelled as “thursday 9 october,” you hafta live in the UK/Ireland to view the episodes.
if you missed episode 6 last night, and you live in the UK/Ireland, it will be repeated this sunday the 12th at 2:15pm on channel 4 and then next wednesday the 18th at 11pm on E4
okay, onto my impressions of episode 6
it was fucking brilliant. end of story. i only wish all episodes could have been like that. it was thigh-slapping funny, it was tense, it was dramatic, it was emotional, it was meaning-potent and fire-infused.
back in April of this year, when the show was still being edited and pieced together, peter, the executive producer of the show, called me while in the studio to let me know that the scene where i lead the boys out into the village and inflict the punishment on them was jaw-dropping. he said it like a scene out of a movie, loaded with all the qualities of an intense drama. everyone in the studio that i spoke to were so excited and just kept repeating how ‘fucking amazing’ i am.
can’t argue with that.
now is not the time for modesty, dammit!
yesterday, before the episode aired, peter called to say that out of all the reality tv shows he’s worked on, and there have been many in his career, that one scene is his all-time favourite hands down.
yesterday, i also spoke with karen before the episode aired and during the commercial breaks. karen came out as unbelieveably strong in last night’s episode, she was forthright, she was reasonable and rational and held up to the scrutiny that was lashed upon her with a bravery i have yet to achieve. she is absolutely stunning, beautiful heart and soul, and so far every viewer i’ve spoken to can’t get enough of her. let’s hear it for karen!!
i also exchanged messages with richard (“you’re a miserable bitch as queen. BRILLIANT!”), with fenton (“my mum hates you.”), and spoke with lesley after the episode.
there’s so much to go through here, so i’ve divided it into sub-sections and headings.
things that were edited out and didn’t make the final cut –
-the episode begins with the men and women working out on the beach to karen’s instructions. actually, what hasn’t been revealed in any episodes is that all the women had titles and jobs to carry out, and karen was in charge of physical fitness. every morning the women worked out with karen on the beach, it was just that day we forced the men to come with us.
-my queen’s challenge speech was heavily edited down, mostly because it was too fucking long! but i remember lots of things i said that you didn’t hear. i started off by saying that i learned so much from each of the previous 3 queens. gemma brought order to chaos, lianne was a strict disciplinarian, and angela reminded us that good things happen when you close your mouth long enough to crack a smile. the final point of my speech i think was the most important but also didn’t make it. i started off by saying that some of the mistresses wouldn’t want to hear this, but they’ve got to. i mentioned that a lot of the boys had been overly flirting with us, thinking that if they can manipulate our emotions and make us think that they fancy us, they’ll be able to sway the vote to their favour, for their own financial and personal gain. and i topped off that bit by loudly proclaiming, “i am NOT here to find a boyfriend!”
-the other thing about this queen’s challenge was….i almost didn’t do it. i came *this* close to withdrawing and just letting lesley take the crown. the day before, i had told lesley that i was going to also challenge the queen. for some reason or another, she still was telling people “tomorrow when i’m queen….tomorrrow when i’m queen” even though she knew she was up against me. that lead me to believe that she felt she had all the votes in her favour. so that night, i told the production team that it was all a popularity vote and i probably wouldn’t win it because people are just voting for their friends. but that morning, the series producer nicole took me aside and said that winning wasn’t what was important here. she said that i had all these things that needed to be said, and the queen’s challenge was the place to say them. even if i didn’t win, it was about getting things off my chest. so i thought, fuck it…no guts, no glory. and i shit you not, i thought i had no shot whatsoever in that challenge. i thought gemma would vote for lesley, desrine would vote for me, and karen would be the wild card. so when gemma voted for me, i nearly shat myself. that one action in itself later proved to be a point of contention between lesley and gemma…after the vote lesley ran out to have a quiet smoke by herself and gemma cried her eyes out in the queen’s pod. gemma kept calling me a moody cow and everyone suddenly started saying all this stuff to me like i contradict myself and i’m too emotional. it was probably the most unglorious victory i’ve ever had. like i should feel guilty for being queen or something. my one good moment here was ruined by all the bickering again. sigh.
– with each new queen, there has been a man-servant swap. they edited out this one, i’m guessing for time and because audiences don’t care about that anymore. but i chose myles and fenton as my servants because i’d never had them as servants before and i encouraged all the other ladies to choose servants they’d never had before.
-as i mentioned before, us ladies each had titles and responsibilites. lesley, under my rule, was in charge of entertainment, and since she was such a worthy competitor for me, and the poor girl needed a break, i told her that she could organize a talent show featuring the boys. she spent all day working on it, choreographing it with the boys, setting up a little catwalk for them to strut down in their best frocks (ed looked like he was dressed for tennis, oddly enough) and then they all danced together in sync like a boyband, but they sang a spice girls song! it was hilarious and such a laugh! in the opening credits of the show, you get a flash of the boys dancing, and us on my porch laughing and screaming like hyenas in response. oh how i wish that had made it to air! because i enjoyed the show so much, i treated the boys and girls to beers that night.
-while lesley was off preparing for the talent show that day, we also had a massive spa day! we set up these recliners on the beach, and our servants came in and gave us massages, filed and painted our nails, gave us facials, the works…the point of this exercise was actually quite sly. there’s an old adage that when women talk, men don’t listen. so while they boys are pampering us, we’re going on about things in our lives, just scattered details about ourselves. we were later to use this against the boys when we interrogated them (wait for a future episode) when we ask them if they remember any of those details about us…none of them got any questions right. so yeah, men don’t listen. anyway, a few shots of the spa treatment day have snuck into the final edit. in this week’s episode, while myles is talking about his shag-fest with angela, there’s a shot of myles painting red nail polish on a set of toes…those were my toes. nice, eh?
-during Ed’s punishment, i walked up to him twice at the basin to speak to him. the first time i brought him a bottle of water, told him to breath, drink, relax for a second, then i asked him if he had anything to say. he said no, refusing to fess up. so i walked away and let him continue. the second time was after i told the boys to get out of my sight, ed asked to speak to me alone. he said the reason why he didn’t want to grass on the saboteur was because he entered the game with a promise that he would stick to his morals and ethics, and that he had to be true to them. so i told him that i applauded his morals and ethics, but what was concealed would soon be revealed and he might regret the choices he had made.
-of course, the biggest cut left on the editing room floor….the unuseable footage of myles and angela getting it on. there was some footage. some cameras caught them rolling around in the sand on the beach. and also, there were cameras mounted in each of our pods. from what i understand, there was footage of myles covering up the camera in the pod with his shirt (when exec producer peter found out the camera was covered, he was absolutely furious!) but the microphones in the pod were still fucntioning so it may not have been seen but it was heard….angela and myles were lucky, they really could have been exploited here….that night, i had every intention of sleeping in my queen’s pod, but there were just way too many bugs and it freaked the fuck outta me. so i slept in lianne’s empty pod that night and every night thereafter. when i woke up that morning, i returned to my pod to find it in shambles. sand everywhere, even on the couch. lamps and chairs overturned, sheets on the bed assunder. it was a mess..
-another great moment left out of the episode occurs right after i gave fenton the kiss of death. that’s steve’s cue to give a little speech about how fenton is no longer wanted, but fenton just launched into an attack on us right away, which annoyed him to no end, prompting steve to interrupt fenton with the glorious words “hey fenton, mind if i have a little airtime?”
-the morning of that sacrifice, there was another challenge for the boys that didn’t make the cut. they were to wake up super early and head to a specific coconut tree in the forest. they had to stand under this tree for as long as it took until they caught a coconut, any coconut, that fell from the branches. what they didn’t know, was that each coconut contained diamond jewellery inside, some valuing at £15,000. the only boy who caught a coconut was mikey, oddly enough. and before the sacrifice began, mikey took the £3,000 diamond necklace from within the coconut and gave it to desrine. if you look carefully, at the very beginning of steve’s initial sacrifice speech, there’s a woven basket next to him, which contained the winning coconut,
-this is one thing that wasn’t on camera but oh how i wish it was: i lead the boys out into the village, and right before i explained to them what the punishment was, angelo our director called cut so that they could set up the cameras for the shot. while they were doing that, mikey tried staring me down. he had done that to the other girls, which you see in this episode, and actually thought it would work on me. i held his stare for quite some time, but ended it when i sneered, “mikey, don’t try and stare me down sweetheart, you’ll be up way past your bedtime!”
-at the queen’s temple, when all the ladies had said who they wanted to vote for that night, i adjusted my crown and recited some shakespeare. the whole situation reminded me of the merchant of venice, so i lifted my chin and said “prick us do we not bleed, tickle us do we not laugh, wrong us, shall we not revenge?” hahah! how many reality tv stars can do that?
how i felt
-punishing ed was the hardest thing i had done by that point. ed’s very first water run was a disaster, all the water had leaked out of the perforated cup before he could even reach the basin, and had all dribbled onto his swimming trunks. i remember feeling at that exact moment a massive pang of empathy. i remember wincing and wanting to stop the whole thing. after angelo the director called cut, i retreated back into my pod. when angelo came to talk to me, he asked me if i was okay, and i nearly started crying….yes, i cry a lot, just shut up okay! i was just so upset that the boys let him take the fall. they actually didn’t give two shits about each other, and let ed suffer. it was cruel. really fucking cruel
-kissing mikey almost made me gag. when i pulled away from his cheek, for a split second he looked down at my chest (he never changed from the first episode) and then gave out a little “wooooo.” it made my skin crawl. i’d rather have cat aids than kiss him again.
-fenton and the sand…he actually put sand in his pocket ahead of time. that is probably the most undignified exit i’ve ever witnessed. he threw sand like a child in a tantrum, then ran stumbling off into the night, almost tripping on his face, and dropping his microphone pack in the process. he’s a walking joke!
-i’m really glad that in this episode, the boys don’t get the last say. in the past, after a boy is sacrificed, he gets to end the show by giving his opinion on women in power. this time, mikey and fenton were DE-NIED! i got the last word, and it felt fucking glorious. embarassments to their gender, all the way.
-also, usually after a queen is elected, the boys give their opinions on how much she’ll suck and how much they hate her and what they really think of her…not this time. the guys had nothing bad to say about me….then again, nothing good either…no one said anything about me being queen. so to this day, i guess i’ll never know what the boys felt when they found out i was queen…
-that fight between g and karen…it was hard to witness first hand, let alone on television. looking back on it, i wished i’d stopped it sooner and told G to shut his fucking mouth after the first insult. G resorted to the kind of playground tactics seen only amongst 8 year olds. you don’t like someone, tell them they’re ugly. because of the pressure from dominant culture and patriarchy that is put upon women to look beautiful at all times, a weird side effect is this – call us dumb, call us mean, call us slags, we don’t care. call us ugly, and we fall to pieces. so when he called her a ‘beast’ it was just the most horrible and snake-like thing he could have possibly said to her. i shuddered. i literally felt sick. that night G came and sat with me on my porch and we had a long chat about what happened. he already was feeling guilty about it and wanted me to know that he wasn’t like that. he felt like he had never had a shot in this competition and had just fucked himself royally by doing that. the thing about G is, while the cameras are on, he puts up a major front. off camera, he’s the biggest sweety on the planet. i think it’s a persona of being a rapper. he wants the music community to see him a certain way, so he feels the need to be all gruff and coarse. but off camera, he’ll dissolve into giggles and crack jokes and give big bear hugs. so i hated him for following his persona rather than his real self. and i think in later episodes, you’ll see him finally reconciling the two sides of him.
-i loved telling myles to sit down. myles, sit down. myles, get back here! HELL YEAH FUCK YEAH!
-steve’s running aquaduct joke. everyone else kept saying ‘water thingy!’ except me of course.
-and the sex jokes! that sequence where it’s revealed that myles and angela got it on….steve jones’s face is fucking brilliant! he’s my all time hero…”just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?!!” and “WHAAAAAT?!” and “SSSSEEEEXXXX!!!” and “that’s disgraceful, that is….” and “oh…my….god…” that is perhaps the funniest fucking thing i’ve seen on the show yet. that sequence had me rolling on the floor!! yay steve jones! but let’s not forget G-range and his saucy little smile as he says, “you know what i mean by slidin’ off”…hahahhahahahah!
-as i’m initially questioning myles about his ‘sabotage’ comment on the aquaduct, i go “ffff..someone told me…”i almost said fenton told me! ha!
-as i enter the boy’s barracks and tell them a punishment is about to take place, i use the word ‘chutzpah.’ why was i talking yiddish in my speech?????? this no time to go all fiddler on the roof, chris!
-what i’m most proud of in this episode, is that i was the only queen who followed through a punishment. other queen’s said they would but never did. i stuck to it and made a big fucking difference.
my best soundbites
-“fenton’s got his head so far up my ass, he could probably see what i had for dinner last week.”
-“is the view pretty good from the cheap seats boys?” (fyi, i stole that line from a michael douglas movie. see if you can guess which one. i think you’ll be surprised.)
-“i notice you’re holding your hands over your crotch. are you anticipating where my foot is gonna go?”
– no one had anything bad to say about me, i’m not the subject of farce or satire. thank fuck for that. i was expecting mikey to say such shit about me like he did the other queens.
if i never hear the words sabotage or aquaduct again in my life, i’ll be a happy lass…
phewww! that’s a lot of typing munchins, even for a writer….but there was so much to talk about, i couldn’t stop myself….hope you enjoyed (and ignored the spelling mistakes, i’m typing pretty fast here)
stay tuned next week when the reign of queen christine reaches new heights and fights.
first things first:
this is my blog.
my outlet for expression.
no one held a gun to your head, insisting you read my daily thoughts, anecdotes, and scattered minutiae….if you hate what you read on here, then that begs the question, why are you still reading?
yes lianne, we did have words while down on the island. of course your selective memory chooses to forget that. especially all the times you undermined me and the other mistresses in front of our servants. all the times you lied to our faces. all the times you felt threatened by other people in power and insecurely needed to sabotage the work we did.
but after leaving the island, i had nothing but love for everyone on the island. let bygones be bygones. it’s in the past, let’s move forward. we had a giggle at the screening party, and all was cool as far as i’m concerned.
then episode 4 aired….i loved how you keep calling yourself a team player when you lied to every single mistress about your adventures in douchebaggery at the market. i loved how you actually believed your own lies. i love how, to this day, you praise mikey for being so polite and courteous even though you saw him sabotage our aquaduct on tv, and then call us all slags like an insecure fucktard whose only sexual partner is attached to his wrist.
you two deserve each other anyway.
most of all i love your egotistical musings about your pivotal role in our community. nothing you did there caused governments to collapse or galaxies to explode.
to be blunt, you weren’t that important.
by the way, we all know that at the screening party you offered to suck desrine’s father’s cock. despite the fact that he thought you were vile, despite the fact that he’s happily married, and despite the fact that was wildly inappropriate, desrine was supposed to be your friend. if you’re this disrespectful to your friends, you are more fucked up than i previously thought.
you’re cheaper than a two-for-one sale at primark.
still reading lianne?
that’s what i thought.
so yeah, as you’ve been bashing every single mistress in the press and pathetically on youtube and on facebook groups every single day, seems only fair for me to return the favour your way.
this is a blogtatorship. i’ll say what i fucking want on my own blog. you can go back to MANUFACTURING comments on youtube (we all know you and amaan have been creating fake youtube accounts and posting comments just to make yourselves look popular amongst the viewers) and playing the victim. you do that oh-so well.
oh and all you people who have your heads up lianne’s ass, don’t rearrange things i’ve said on here to suit your own agendas.
EDIT – i said what i needed to say.
this was my venting post. enjoy it munchkins. you may never see me this pissed off again.
hurry next week! huzzah episode 6! (thursday night, channel 4, 11:05pm!)
i almost forgot….i got recognized on the street the other day! my first time! someone stopped me and was like “are you that girl on when women rule the world?” and i just stared at them for a minute until i was able to mutter a yes, totally taken aback that someone actually paid close enough attention to recognize me on the street. and they were like, “i thought it was you! i walked by you and i did a double take, i wasn’t sure at first. but it’s you!”
i was totally smiley for the rest of the day.
>so once again, for all you munchkins out there who live outside of the UK/Ireland and can’t watch the reality show that i’m on When Women Rule The World, here is the link to the episode 4 download! you can download this episode in any country!
(if you’re looking for the previous 3 episode downloads, scroll down to find the download links in my previous blog posts)
download instructions are easy – click on the link. it will take you to a page that asks you to fill in a 3-letter code at the top of the page, then click on download. after about a 40-second countdown, click on ‘free download’ and a prompt will ask you to either “open” or “save” the file. click on “save” so the file will always be on your computer, then the download begins. it will take a little over an hour to download each file. once downloaded, you will require a media player à la Windows Media Player/Real Player/VLC Media player to view the episodes (i recommend VLC, it’s the best).
kudos to allegra once again for supplying the download!
i spoke with driton last night.
i’m going back to kosovo.
you can’t see it right now, but i’m sporting a wicked smile.
another one of my short stories is getting published! of course, anyone who has read my stories (or my blog for that matter) know that my fiction tends to explore what happens when sexuality, gender, and ethnicity collide, and this story is no different….of course, sexuality being the predominant theme.
sit on my face and tell me that you love me.
anyway, i am going to refrain from mentioning the title of the story because i think the risk of copyright infringement on a public blog is too high (although, if you’re on my Facebook friend’s list, i’ve mentioned it on there…). i will say that the former title of the piece was “the mouth of the mediterranean.” the story will be published in Descant, a critically-acclaimed and highly respected literary journal based in Toronto. It will be released next year, summer 2009 in issue 145. of course, i’ll use this blog to remind you all when the date approaches so you can get your own copy.
previously, Descant has published the likes of Michael Ondaatje (author of The English Patient), Margaret Atwood (author of The Handmaid’s Tale), Timothy Findley, Anne Michaels (author of Fugitive Pieces), my literary heroine Evelyn Lau (her personal diaries “Runaway: Diary of a Streetkid” changed my life) and Jane Urquhart (author of “Away” and she was also my mentor at the Humber School for Writers)….so I am immensely honoured to be included in such company.
plus i desperately need this paycheque!
huzzah for Can.Lit!….or “Clit” for brevity’s sake.
alright munchkins, if you live in the UK/Ireland, and want to watch last night’s 4th episode of the reality tv show i feature on, when women rule the world, click here, and to catch up on the previous 3 episodes, click here. also don’t forget that last night’s episode will be repeated this sunday at 2:25pm on channel 4, and also next wednesday at 11pm on E4.
click here to read the official wrap-up of episode 4 from the show’s website.
onto my impressions of episode 4 — holy fucking shit. you know what, i had no idea lianne and desrine did that. absolutely no idea. when they came back, they were adamant that the boys had done nothing wrong and were just sitting in a café waiting for the second bus….although at the time, i do remember thinking it was really out of order to desrine to immediately get on the defensive and accuse angela of interrogating her.
i can’t reveal any details here of future episodes obviously, but i will say that later on, the remaining boys AND desrine have a chance to own up to what happened and come clean…the boys embraced the opportunity to a certain point, but desrine never said a word. not even to me, and her and i were really close while filming the show. in the past 10 months since we shot the show, her and i have remained close friends and we talk quite often. to be honest, i’m actually a little hurt that she never confessed to pulling this stunt.
at the end of the day, i think desrine did it because she wanted to exact revenge on angela. but in the end, it wasn’t just against angela, we all were taken for a ride. and it’s fucking bullshit.
as for lianne, i’m not surprised she did it. lianne didn’t like having the shortest reign of all the queens and wanted to make angela’s life a living hell for dethroning her. all of her previous egotistical musings about “being fair” and “working as a team” were shot to shit in this episode. and yet she’s still posting on youtube comments sections, claiming she’s a victim in all this. there were no victims. only idiots.
however, lianne did say something in last night’s episode that i did agree with – i agreed with it then and i agree with it now – at the queen’s temple, she said the girls were overly flirting and sitting on the boys laps. i, for one, think flirting is healthy and natural, so i have no problem with that, HOWEVER, lesley, karen and gemma were sitting on Ed’s lap a lot. i remember even saying to lesley at one point, jokingly of course “you’ve been on more laps tonight than a napkin!” i flirted… but sitting on laps? that was just taking it too far, methinks. when the show wrapped, okay fine, have all the relationships you want, but not while we’re trying to show women as strong leaders and not giggly little girls.
anyway, i was exchanging a lot of texts with my fellow castmates last night….namely Ed, Myles, Richard, Lianne, and Dan.
Dan (who, as you all saw, was sacrificed in last night’s episode) and I have been exchanging a lot of messages lately and i’m starting to understand where he was coming from. when we were on the island, i remember not having a very strong impression of him. he never spoke up to the women to talk about himself, at least not to me. i didn’t know who he was, what he was about or even why he was there on the show. why did he want to do it? what did he think of women in power? none of us knew. he wasn’t standing out as a winner, nor was he causing trouble – he was in this unknown world of limbo. neither great nor horrible. just coasting. but now that i know more about him and where he’s coming from, i think he would have been a greater asset to us later if he had stayed.
see, in the first episode, G-Range and i didn’t get along at all, but because he opened up to me early on, and i got a better understanding of where he was coming from and his view on the world, therefore i was well aware of the journey he was making, and that’s why i chose him for my servant in last night’s episode. and now, G and i are the best of friends, and despite our differences, we adore each other.
if only Dan had done that…
it was really hard to see Dan sacrificed though, you even see a shot of me at the end putting my head in the my hands. as time wore on, each sacrifice got harder and harder. and seeing Dan gutted on screen last night was tough.
angela’s right, i need to stop being such a sap. thick skin, chrissy! stiff upper lip!
other things that surprised me last night —
-when the first round of servants came back, all the gals were chewing gum, even me. i don’t remember chewing gum! where did we get the gum from? fucked if i remember.
–i struck mikey! i don’t remember striking mikey! i seriously don’t! i had told myself that i had struck dan….10 months later, i had totally forgotten that! but now that i’ve seen it back, i do remember saying those things to him…i wish he had gone that night. the guy is a raging rectum rash.
— how great Ed comes off in that episode, especially the way he stands up to Lianne. he actually said a lot more that night, about how he knows a lot about lianne but how she hasn’t taken the time to get to know him at all. Ed generally comes off well in the show methinks, but i’m waiting for him to say to the camera who he hates and stuff…i’m waiting for a slip up!
anyway, next week i’m hoping to watch episode 5 with a bunch of the guys from the show, we keep trying to get together and our schedules are not clicking. fingers crossed for next week.
seriously episode 5 is gonna be explosive. the girls get their hands dirty and the shit literally hits the fan. it was my favourite moment in the show at that point, so don’t forget to tune in! next thursday, october 2nd, 10:35pm, channel 4!
i’ll be working on a movie next week. i don’t have a speaking role, so don’t get excited, but it’s a major hollywood film starring jake gyllenhaal called Prince of Persia. i went in for my costume fitting at Pinewood studios last week and of course, everything from the sets to the costumes to the jewellery to the hair and makeup has an arabian/middle eastern theme. no wonder they cast me. i probably won’t even be visible on screen, so don’t rush to the cinemas to see me or anything when it’s released…but it’s fucking good money and much better than sitting behind a desk all day, answering phone calls for an office full of stepford wives.
i’m planning a little excursion for next month – to hadrian’s wall. it’s an ancient roman wall that used to mark the border between england and scotland (now the scottish border has moved north). it’s 135 kilometres long, running from the east coast of england to the west….
…and i’m going to walk the entire length of the wall.
it will take me about 7 days. i’m going to get muddy, tired, and probably lost. i’ll hafta shit in the woods, walk about 30 kilometres a day, wear the same clothes everyday, but i don’t care. i’m fucking doing it.
for all of you outside the UK who downloaded the first 2 episodes of my reality tv show When Women Rule The World, and have been asking me for more…
(kudos again allegra!)
remember to type in the 3 letter code at the top of the page, and after about a 40 second countdown, the prompt will ask you to open or save…click save so that you’ll always have it on your comp, and then the download will begin…will take a little over an hour.
once again, you’ll need something akin to Windows Media Player/Real player/VLC Media player to view the episode. i suggest VLC media player, if you don’t already have it.
if you’re looking for episode 1 and 2, scroll down a few posts to find their links in a previous entry.
>here’s the official wrap-up of episode 3 from the show’s website.
and if you live in the UK/Ireland, you can re-watch episode 3 and the previous two episodes here from the catch-up website for free (as of this writing, there’s a large chunk inexplicably missing from the episode 3 download, hopefully that’ll be fixed soon…also, the episodes are now available for 65 days! not just 7! woo! enjoy my bikini-face for the next 2 months!)
if you live outside the UK, i’m hoping to find a torrent of episode 3 to upload for you soon….allegra, little help?
anyway, so last night’s episode was delightful. myles called me yesterday and we had a lovely chat. richard and i were exchanging text messages throughout the broadcast, and this morning, dan and i were swapping opinions. angela also called me this morning with her excitment. the show really is improving with each episode, and overall, i’m glad with the edit.
i featured quite a lot in this episode, and am happy with my portrayal thus far (still waiting to become the brunt of jokes though!). a couple of viewers have expressed their support of me in the comments section of this youtube video, which made me smile…yes, i know it’s only 2 comments, when there are thousands/millions of people watching the show, but let me have my little pleasures, will ya? the rest of ya can feel free to leave me more comments!
anyway, for the record, i loved hiding in the bushes with karen while spying on the boys! what you don’t see, is how close we were to them. those bushes were so thick, we were mere centimetres from them, and they couldn’t see us. several times however, we almost got found out. first a coconut fell from a tree behind us and made a big crash! all the boys looked in our direction and we had to freeze. then, some chickens and roosters who were just wandering about the area came right up behind us, fighting with each other and snapping twigs, which again made all the boys look in our direction. then, while in search of more wood to move the statue, dan wandered into the bushes mere metres from us!! he was in direct eyeline with us and for some reason didn’t see us! thank fuck for that, but we freaked out.
also, inexplicably, completely edited out of this episode is a section of the ceremony party that was the most hilarious! after the boys said their likes and dislikes about women, and we ate our bbq, we all went down to the beach and played a makeshift game of twister. but instead of a sheet of red circle and yellow squares, it was buckets of chicken parts and endtrails which the boys hadda stick their feet and hands into! then, G-Range got nekkid in the water, and only had his hat covering his man-bits….i ran into the water and tried to remove the hat…unsuccessfully dammit. but yeah, all of that hilarity didn’t make it to the final edit…sadness!
to answer some of the questions you guys have been sending me:
-yes, i chose Ed as my servant for a reason…oh don’t give me that look.
-no, i’m not gonna reveal if would have voted for gemma or lianne…some things are better left unsaid.
-yes, i think Mikey’s “smash you on your jammy” comment was fucking disgusting and wildly offensive to all women. and totally indicative of his character. the guy is a fucktard, plain and simple. good luck getting laid, buddy.
-yes, i slapped richard so hard with the red paint that when i sat down again, i felt so bad! i thought the exec producer was gonna come and yell at me for being so abusive. richard sent me a text last night, telling me to learn how to paint! hahahah!
– the tension in this episode between lianne and the rest of the ladies isn’t as palpable on-screen as it was living-it. lianne says in this episode that she doesn’t know where the antagonism is coming from . . .
i’m not the only one who has been getting comments on youtube…lianne gets them too, but they’re not as supportive as mine…
that is actually lianne responding on there to some of the viewers brutal comments..i have no idea why lianne feels that necessary…
anyhoo, i’m jonesing for episode 4 now! that is gonna be a great episode as well! hurry next thursday!!
in unrelated news, it was my gal Kat’s birfday a while back and i forgot to post some photos from her piss-up, so enjoy!
most of my delicious munchkin readers are outside of the UK. in canada and the states mostly….some dedicated readers throughout europe, south east asia, south america, the middle east. and a lot of you have been messaging me, asking how/when you’ll be able to see this reality tv show i’m on. i honestly didn’t think you’d ever get a chance to see it, but you’re in luck now, bitches.
thanks to the lovely and talented Allegraof toronto, she found the torrents online of episode 1 and episode 2. so she downloaded them to a public uploading site so everyone can see them.
the website is called Megaupload and it’s really flashy and a bit confusing so i’ll quickly walk you through this.
you need to have an account on here to watch the episodes, but it’s FREE and super quick. at the top of the page, you’ll see a button that says Free Membership, click on that, fill in really quick details, and then you’ll need to activate the account from a link they’ll send to your email address.
after you’re all logged in, click on one of these links below (either episode 1 or episode 2). the page that it takes you will ask you to fill in a 3-letter code (at the top of the page). do that, and after a countdown of about 24 seconds, it will start downloading.
a prompt will show up asking you to open or save the file, i would suggest you click ‘save’ so you can watch it on your comp whenever you like.
the downloading process can take anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours, depending on the speed of your comp…
you will need something like Windows Media Player/Real Player/VLC Media player/Quicktime to watch them (they’re AVI files…so i would suggest using VLC Media player, or downloading it if you don’t already have it, it’s the best free media player out there).
here in the UK, episode 3 of When Women Rule The World is airing tonight, Channel 4, 10:35pm (GMT). if Allegra or i find a torrent of it online after it airs, we’ll try to share it with you as soon as possible!
expect an episode 3 roundup either tonight or tomorrow.
in related news, i’m realizing just how fickle and shallow a lot of people in the television industry are. half of the cast of my own show are classic examples of egomaniacal primadonnas – more concerned about how they look than how they behave. same with a lot of people on the production side of this show. i’ll probably remain friends with a few of them, but most of them, i don’t care if i ever see them again. which is horribly sad for me, because we all went through such a unique experience, and i had nothing but love for everyone.
of course, vanity and ego’s always get in the way of friendships when you’re selling your soul for fame…or infamy as the case may be. people pick petty fights, and take cheap digs at each in the press. everyone is like a child, i want, i want, I WANT! i’ve pretty much stayed out of all these clashes that are occuring, but watching the way some people are behaving is turning my stomach.
i’ll stick to writing, thank you very much. not because ego’s don’t play a part in the literary scene, because of course they do . . . but because no one at the Man Booker awards gives a shit who you may or may not be fucking, or what designer dress you’re not wearing.
>click here to listen to me being interviewed by BBC Radio Sheffield about my reality show When Women Rule The World. we also chat about women in politics, feminism, women in the military, and most importantly, chocolate.
you’ll need something like Windows Media Player/Real Player/VLC Media player to listen to this clip.
let me know what you fink, munchkins!
(ps i’m usually not this giggly. i just found it hilarious that i was talking to thousands of listeners about serious issues while lying on my bed, half naked, with moisturizing-gunk on my face, and picking my teeth with a toothpick….phone interviews are the best)
don’t forget, episode 3 of When Women Rule The World airs this thursday, September 18th at 10:35pm (GMT) on Channel 4.
last night i went over to castmate Rich’s place in north london to watch the 2nd episode, and castmate fenton came along too. it’s amazing watching the final product with people who were in the show with you, you can talk about it and share feedback in a way only you understand.
but something is really hitting all of us…the edits are really brutal. i understand that they have a gazillion hours of footage to edit down into like 50 minutes + commercials of fun-filled entertainment, but there are key points that are missing in each episode, and some people are being portrayed in a way that is purely the result of edit, not reality. goes to show that reality shows are rarely reality, but hey, i willingly signed up for it.
so far, i don’t have a problem with how i’m being portrayed, but i’m sure i’ll be subject of major farce and satire as the series progresses. i’ll get mine as much as the rest get theirs. last night, i can’t say that i featured quite extensively as i did in the first episode, but i was happy with each shot of me (me? cute on camera? huzzah!) and each section of speech or convo i had….
another observation all the castmates are noticing is — this seems to be a show about the men, rather than the women. the men get more airtime, more speeches, and they got to have conversations with host Jonesy…the women never got to have on-camera convos with Jonesy. this isn’t a complaint really. i think we’re just really surprised.
but on the whole, we were all really impressed with last night’s episode, it’s much better than last week. the progression of the village, of our relationships with the men, and of our own personal journey’s is really starting to come out. and it’s hilarious! it’s really funny and also touching too. being at Rich’s house with Fenton to watch the episode was hilarious because Rich featured a lot in last night’s episode with his attempt at a revolt and his little speech about ‘animal farm’ (the book, not the porno). and Fenton was just the brunt of jokes when he thought he was gonna get sacrificed and nearly started blubbering at the end….we laughed our asses off at that. good times had by all.
i’m hoping everyone keeps watching, because the show only gets better. we’ve heard estimates that for the premiere episode, the ratings were somewhere between 900,000 and 2 million….so you are watching! let me know what you think!
if you missed last night’s episode, it’s repeated this sunday the 14th at 2:30pm on Channel 4, or you can watch the catch-up episode online for free this week here (UK and Ireland only)
roll on episode 3!